Honey

Honey is a Phone Fling girl in Crush Crush, from the 1990s. Because time travel is involved, you need at least 25x Prestige to unlock her. "She's got kind of a crazy story to share with you. Only 90s kids will understand this one. But you don't need to be born in the 90s to appreciate Honey's other, umm... attractive qualities."

She got your number and her phone from a genie after she "rubbed one out" on the genie's lamp. The lamp was given to her by a vaudeville-style villain.

The genie told her to look for a place "Where [she] left [her] dreams" and to make them come true... which apparently is her treehouse.

In the present year when she was looking through her stuff to use for a yard sale, she rediscovered the same phone that contacted you from the 90s. She uses it to contact you again in the recent year.

After the event where she went back home, she had a farewell episode where she reminisced about zany stuff that happened during the show. Since you last heard from her, she went to college, got married and had children. Her kids are soon grown enough to live on their own and her spouse is recently deceased. She is now a widow who's joined several clubs, including the "Suburban Ladies' Baking Association".

She is unlockable as a fully dateable character via her Limited Time Event or via her bundle in the Store. She is the sixty-fifth (65th) addition to the main list.

Personality

Once a zany 1990s sitcom cutie, the credits have rolled on that season of Honey’s life. A few decades after communicating with you via a magical time-traveling cellphone, she’s now an older, more mature version of herself - a version who’s experienced good times and bad, raised two kids and sent them off into the world, and is ready for a new adventure that’s all her own.

As a single mom in her prime, reconnecting with you, her past fling, is just the start of that new adventure. And you can put any fears that she’s "jumped the shark" to rest: she’s as vivacious as ever, enthusiastic, and ready to try anything. And if you ever get a little light-headed on a date, she’ll always have a granola bar in her purse at the ready to keep you in the action!

Apperance

1990: Ginger short hair, blue yellow and red rollarskates, white knee high socks, pink flipphone with white pompom keychain, rainbow headband, red barrettes, shorts with red sweater tied around waist, rainbow bra on top of yellow short sleeve shirt, red fingerless gloves, hazel eyes.

Messages

Honey's texts to you depend pretty heavily on both the options you choose and on whether you are playing in SFW mode or Moist and Uncensored mode. Aside from the long pauses and the brief pauses after your replies, Honey's texts appear at a rapid fire pace. This is odd, given her characterization, unless it is one of the Magical effects of her Magical Phone.

SFW version

Progress	SFW chat
1/92	Hey, umm, hi! Hello!
2/92	Sorry to bother you.
3/92	...out of the blue...
4/92	This is probably a super duper long shot, but I could really use a little help, and someone gave me your name...
5/92	And phone number.
6/92	(Obviously).
7/92	Also, your picture.
8/92	And several of your personal items...
9/92	(You have great taste in undies, by the way!)
10/92	Okay, I'm making this awkward.
11/92	Sorry!
12/92	Here's the deal! I'm looking for someone who's prepared for...
13/92	...the peculiar.
14/92	I'm experiencing what you might call a "fantastical adventure".
15/92	And I've got, like, a million questions that are just gonna sound a little... You know...
16/92	Cuckoo?
17/92	Crazy-face?
18/92	Let's just say "Implausible."
19/92	And I need someone I can pester for info without freaking them the heck out.
20/92	(Excuse my language.)
21/92	So, uhh... Yeah. That's it. That's the thing.
22/92	You got a little time to help a damsel in distress?
(A)	You had me at "damsel in distress". Actually, you had me at "Hello!" (I like helping).
(B)	Okay, sure, but WHO gave you my number? And my undies?
23/93	Oh wow! Really? That's radical! :O	Okay yeah, you see, those are the kinds of reasonable questions that are going to make this all a bit awkward.
24/92	Oh my gosh, you didn't make me answer a riddle or fetch you a gadget or give you a password or anything!	The short answer is... A genie from the future gave me that stuff.
25/92	Wow, this has never happened before. You just rocked my world a bit! Booyah!	But I'll give you the long answer too. But I warn you - it's not going to get much more credible from here.
26/92	Okay, so, explanation time.
27/92	My name is Honey by the way! Nice to meet you...
28/92	Marshmallow? Is that right? That's what my Magical Phone has you listed as.
29/92	Aww nice. Honey and Marshmallow. We're a sweet pair, hey? :D
30/92	Sorry! Distracted! Back to explanation!
31/92	Okay, so, I met this creepy guy in a trench coat at the Mall.
32/92	I thought, you know, he's going to try to sell me a drugs or something.
33/92	I mean, he had this moustache. And there was sinister music playing.
34/92	You know the type. Typical villain. Real shady looking guy.
35/92	Anyway, so he comes up to me and I get a little frightened.
36/92	I try calling for Fergel, the Magical Troll that lives in my attic.
37/92	But it turned out he was helping my younger sister at her dance recital.
38/92	So I roll my eyes. "Oh Fergel!" Rimshot. Audience laughs.
39/92	And I think the laughter threw off the Moustache Man, because suddenly he gets super twitchy.
40/92	He shoves a lamp into my hand and says something really cryptic...
41/92	(What was it again?)
42/92	Oh yeah! It was, "The Past is past and gone. But in the Future you will come."
43/92	Or something.
44/92	I think it rhymed.
45/92	Anyway! This lamp.
46/92	It's, like, one of those old timey lamps.
47/92	You know, like Aladdin and the 40 Leaves, or whatever?
48/92	And on the side it says, "Rub one out."
49/92	So I rub this lamp like my life depends on it. Because that's just the sort of day I was having.
50/92	And out pops this genie.
51/92	She gives me a Magical Phone that lets me travel through time. And she tells me to "Find where I left my dreams, and make them come true."
52/92	Then she gave me your undies.
53/92	(I think she was drunk.)
54/92	The Phone opens this gnarly portal, I fall in, and suddenly everything is all futuristic.
55/92	So this is the part where I ask, "What year is it?!" Hahaha!
56/92	No, but seriously, what year is it?
(A)	The year is 20XX. And judging by your slang, you've drifted a few decades forward.
(B)	Okay, that all sounds pretty standard. In fact if the genie has nice boobs, I might meet her myself...
57/92	Oh wow! That's not bad at all!	Oh my gosh, the genie DID have boobs!
58/92	See, one time, I traveled back in time to King Arthur's court.	Like really really big ones!
59/92	My geeky neighbour had built a time machine out of a pair of sunglasses and a nuclear thingy.	Honestly, I probably got myself into this mess because those boobs just REALLY distracted me.
60/92	Though I was PRETTY sure they were just glasses to see through my clothes.	I bet there was some sort of magic word I was supposed to remember.
61/92	Because I just so happened not to be wearing underwear that day, and my neighbor got REALLY awkward once he turned them on.	But they were all like - bounce bounce bounce bounce.
62/92	You know how it is. Roll eyes. "Oh Andrew!" Rimshot. Audience laughs.	And I couldn't tell if the genie was, like, naked? Like I couldn't see any nipple action going on, but I couldn't see any sleeves or collar or anything.
63/92	Anyway, it super distracted him and he spilled a potion or something on the glasses.	Honestly, if the genie had been one of those wisher-types, I might have accidentally wished for boobs like that.
64/92	Boom! King Arthur's court! Off on another whirlwind adventure!	Then I could REALLY show Becky Brewner who's boss.
65/92	It actually was pretty righteous, except for all the plagues. But I did enjoy the singing!	I just KNOW that she got picked first for the intramural roller derby team because she never wears a bra.
66/92	Luckily I escaped before they burned me for being a witch. If you ask me though, there was something shifty about that duck...	Stupid sexy Becky and her amazingly perky boobs.
67/92	Anyway, I think the best way you can help me is with the genie's riddle.
68/92	What do you think she meant by "Where I left my dreams"?
(A)	I'm still not really over most of your story. Maybe you could go back a bit?
(B)	Well, assuming we're not talking real dreams, where do you do most of your day dreaming?
69/92	Wait! That's is! "Go back"!	Hmmm...
70/92	After I came out of the time portal, I was still at the Mall.	Oh! Actually, that's a good thought!
71/92	(It hadn't aged well, by the way. Are Malls not cool anymore?)	If it were just regular dreams, I would say my bed.
72/92	But I haven't even checked my old home or anything yet.	But I've got a special place I built EXACTLY for daydreams.
73/92	The best place that comes to mind is my old tree house!
74/92	I used to have a LOT of adventures in there.
75/92	And, umm... Adventures of a different sort.
76/92	Like - the self-discovery sort.
77/92	My best friend and I used to practice kissing in there.
78/92	And... Umm... Other stuff.
79/92	Our braces got stuck together once, and we had to convince the fireman we were practicing CPR.
80/92	If there's any place where I "left my dreams", it's there for sure!
81/92	Thanks for your help! I'll message you when I know for sure if we got the right spot!
82/92	I'll be back after this short word from our sponsors!
Pause	12 hour 13 minute 20 second pause
83/92	Hey!
84/92	It's me again!
85/92	I made it!
86/92	I made it to the Tree Fort!
87/92	One sec, I'll send proof.
88/92	The genie said this Magic Phone had a camera...
89/92	But I didn't believe her. Imagine that! A camera in your phone!
Pause	1 hour pause
90/92	Oh wait I found it!
91/92	Here we are!
92/92	[Honey photo 1]
1/34	Tadaa! It's Honey!
2/34	(That's me!)
(A)	Gee willikers! You sure are a sight for sore eyes, Ms Honey.
(B)	Can I say it? With that smile, you're definitely sweeter than honey.
3/34	Haha! You goof! You can just call me Honey.	Oooo! Thank you! You're so sweet! Tee hee! I'm blushing!
4/34	But thank you for the compliment! <3	And thank you for not... You know...
5/34	...at least I hope it was a compliment.	Making a "Honey suckles" joke.
6/34	I'm literally incapable of sarcasm.	I've heard them all. Especially after I... You know... Filled out my bra.
7/34	I lost the ability to do it after I switched brains with my school principal.	It's nice hearing a lame, sweet joke like that.
8/34	Okay, so, what sorta "dreams" do you think the genie meant?
9/34	Like - my dream to become an astronaut?
10/34	Or score the winning goal in the big soccer game?
11/34	Or my dream of going to prom with ALL of the Side Street Bad Boys?
12/34	(Hee hee!)
(A)	What does your gut tell you?
(B)	If you're in the right spot, it must have something to do with your tree house, right?
13/34	My gut tells me I could really use an Ecto Cooler...	Hmm... That's a good point.
14/34	Well...
15/34	Like I said...
16/34	My Treehouse was where I used to come to...
17/34	Have "Honey time".
18/34	If you know what I mean...
(A)	I think I do.
(B)	Go on.
19/34	Okay good. I'm sort of awful at subtlety.	Eeek! Okay!
20/34	Okay... So, I used to have this one dream...
21/34	Where I would invite my crush up to the Tree House...
Pause	1 hour pause
22/34	And we would be reading comic books and listening to Duran Duran.
23/34	I would go to reach over to grab a comic...
24/34	And I would catch my crush... You know...
25/34	Looking...
26/34	At me?
27/34	And then I would... Make it easier for them to look?
28/34	And I would give them this wink...
29/34	And they would...
30/34	Sorry, I'm not great with words. >.<
31/34	One sec... I'll SHOW you what I mean...
Pause	2 day pause
32/34	Okay, I've got a pic to share.
33/34	This was what my #1 dream would have looked like...
34/34	[Honey photo 2]
1/63	Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I imagined that little fantasy.
2/63	I never brought a crush to my Tree House.
3/63	Just Sam, my best friend. But that was just practice.
4/63	*Sigh* I had forgotten that deep desire I had.
5/63	Maybe this is what this adventure is for?
6/63	If so, it's a bit more, umm...
7/63	Naughty...
8/63	Than my other adventures.
9/63	What do you think?
(A)	I think it's obvious - you have unfinished business in that Tree House.
(B)	I totally get that feeling. Maybe I can help with it?
Pause	5 minute pause
10/63	I think...	Oh! Yes please!
11/63	I think you're right...	Whoops! Hahaha! Sorry! I got a little eager there.
12/63	If you REALLY want to help me...
13/63	I, umm....
14/63	I have a VERY specific thing I would like for you to do.
15/63	If you're feeling up for it...
(A)	Yeah sure, anything.
(B)	As long as I'm not required to purchase diamonds, I'm game.
16/63	Welllll... Hear me out first before you start getting too generous.	Oh no! You don't need to buy me jewelry or anything like that.
17/63	Okay, here's the thing...
18/63	And I hope this isn't as weird as it sounds in my head...
19/63	If I'm going to do anything in this Tree House...
20/63	I would like you to...
21/63	Make a whole bunch of 90s references. >.<
(A)	My reference game is on point. Let's do this.
(B)	Hold on a sec. Let me just pull a bunch from the internet.
22/63	That's perfect!	What's an internet? Is that like an AOL?
23/63	I love your can-do attitude.	Oh! Nevermind. I don't want to alter the timeline or anything.
24/63	Okay, one sec.
25/63	Let me get ready.
26/63	Back soon!
Pause	1 day pause
27/63	Okay.
28/63	I'm ready.
29/63	(I can't believe I'm doing this! Hahaha!)
(A)	Encyclopedia Britannica.
(B)	VHS Tapes.
30/63	Oh! A very cerebral start, hahaha!	Oh what? Those are a 90s thing? They go away? What do they get replaced with?
31/63	Keep going...	Never mind, let's keep going.
(A)	TGIF.
(B)	Madonna.
Pause	10 minute pause
32/63	Oooh, those are my favorite TV shows! AND my favorite commercials, hahaha!	Oh no! MADONNA is a 90s thing? But she's so timeless! :O
Pause	5 minute pause
33/63	Okay, things are, ummm... Going well on my end.
34/63	Keep the pop-culture references coming.
(A)	Bagel bites.
(B)	Kelly Kapowski.
Pause	15 minute pause
35/63	Delicious! Keep going!	She's a cutie! Keep going!
(A)	Crystal Pepsi!
(B)	You've got mail!
36/63	MY FAVORITE!	YES! LET'S GO SURFING!
Pause	20 minute pause
37/63	YES!
38/63	THAT DID IT!
39/63	I MEAN...
40/63	Oh my gosh!
41/63	Thank you so much!
42/63	Oh wow!
43/63	I wasn't expecting that to work so well.
44/63	It was like...
45/63	It was like you were here with me.
46/63	And it made it so...
47/63	Wonderful.
48/63	Thank you.
(A)	You're welcome. Still not the strangest relationship I've ever had.
(B)	This game is so weird.
49/63	Hahaha! Me neither!	I'm not sure what you mean, but that's pretty much my whole life, so I agree.
Pause	1 hour pause
50/63	Oh!
51/63	My Magic Phone is showing that the Time Portal is ready to take me home!
52/63	I guess he magic genie really did want me to travel to the future so I could go back to the Tree House of my youth and take care of my unfinished business there.
53/63	I should have known!
54/63	It's actually pretty obvious.
55/63	Well, I would like to thank you for making my weird adventure so memorable and special.
56/63	If you ever find yourself on a "fantastic adventure" back to the 90s, look me up. I'm in the phone book!
57/63	And for helping me, I've got something for you...
58/63	I took a picture before I got started...
59/63	Umm...
60/63	"The Excellent Adventure".
61/63	Hold on, one sec. My phone is starting to slow down. I guess it's reverting back to 90s technology mode.
Pause	3 day pause
62/63	Here you go! I had a little EXTRA help from my favorite "Honey Stick", back from my awkward teen years.
63/63	[Honey Photo 3]
1/∞	Thanks for everything.
2/∞	Don't forget me!
3/∞	And as we say in the 90s...
4/∞	Good Journey.

Moist version

The NSFW conversation starts to diverge from the SFW conversation after Honey asks you what year it is (56/92).

Progress	Moist and Uncensored chat
1/92	Hey, umm, hi! Hello!
2/92	Sorry to bother you.
3/92	...out of the blue...
4/92	This is probably a super duper long shot, but I could really use a little help, and someone gave me your name...
5/92	And phone number.
6/92	(Obviously).
7/92	Also, your picture.
8/92	And several of your personal items...
9/92	(You have great taste in undies, by the way!)
10/92	Okay, I'm making this awkward.
11/92	Sorry!
12/92	Here's the deal! I'm looking for someone who's prepared for...
13/92	...the peculiar.
14/92	I'm experiencing what you might call a "fantastical adventure".
15/92	And I've got, like, a million questions that are just gonna sound a little... You know...
16/92	Cuckoo?
17/92	Crazy-face?
18/92	Let's just say "Implausible."
19/92	And I need someone I can pester for info without freaking them the heck out.
20/92	(Excuse my language.)
21/92	So, uhh... Yeah. That's it. That's the thing.
22/92	You got a little time to help a damsel in distress?
(A)	You had me at "damsel in distress". Actually, you had me at "Hello!" (I like helping).
(B)	Okay, sure, but WHO gave you my number? And my undies?
23/93	Oh wow! Really? That's radical! :O	Okay yeah, you see, those are the kinds of reasonable questions that are going to make this all a bit awkward.
24/92	Oh my gosh, you didn't make me answer a riddle or fetch you a gadget or give you a password or anything!	The short answer is... A genie from the future gave me that stuff.
25/92	Wow, this has never happened before. You just rocked my world a bit! Booyah!	But I'll give you the long answer too. But I warn you - it's not going to get much more credible from here.
26/92	Okay, so, explanation time.
27/92	My name is Honey by the way! Nice to meet you...
28/92	Marshmallow? Is that right? That's what my Magical Phone has you listed as.
29/92	Aww nice. Honey and Marshmallow. We're a sweet pair, hey? :D
30/92	Sorry! Distracted! Back to explanation!
31/92	Okay, so, I met this creepy guy in a trench coat at the Mall.
32/92	I thought, you know, he's going to try to sell me a drugs or something.
33/92	I mean, he had this moustache. And there was sinister music playing.
34/92	You know the type. Typical villain. Real shady looking guy.
35/92	Anyway, so he comes up to me and I get a little frightened.
36/92	I try calling for Fergel, the Magical Troll that lives in my attic.
37/92	But it turned out he was helping my younger sister at her dance recital.
38/92	So I roll my eyes. "Oh Fergel!" Rimshot. Audience laughs.
39/92	And I think the laughter threw off the Moustache Man, because suddenly he gets super twitchy.
40/92	He shoves a lamp into my hand and says something really cryptic...
41/92	(What was it again?)
42/92	Oh yeah! It was, "The Past is past and gone. But in the Future you will come."
43/92	Or something.
44/92	I think it rhymed.
45/92	Anyway! This lamp.
46/92	It's, like, one of those old timey lamps.
47/92	You know, like Aladdin and the 40 Leaves, or whatever?
48/92	And on the side it says, "Rub one out."
49/92	So I rub this lamp like my life depends on it. Because that's just the sort of day I was having.
50/92	And out pops this genie.
51/92	She gives me a Magical Phone that lets me travel through time. And she tells me to "Find where I left my dreams, and make them come true."
52/92	Then she gave me your undies.
53/92	(I think she was drunk.)
54/92	The Phone opens this gnarly portal, I fall in, and suddenly everything is all futuristic.
55/92	So this is the part where I ask, "What year is it?!" Hahaha!
56/92	No, but seriously, what year is it?
(A)	Holy. Fuck.
(B)	Wibbly wobbly what the hell?
57/92	WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA!	I know. Not the worst start to an adventure ever, but lately things have started feeling...
58/92	That word!	A litle forced?
59/92	Fuck!	Like, if my life was being written by a team of writers, I might accuse them of starting to phone it in.
60/92	Oh my god!	Like just the other day, I was down at the beach.
61/92	It didn't get bleeped!	And there was this Shark.
62/92	Wait...	Like, a singing Shark? You know, singing about the food chain and stuff?
63/92	Tits!	Anyway, I had to jump over him in order to break this witch's curse.
64/92	Pussy!	So I jumped that Shark on my roller skates.
65/92	C*nt!	And I got first prize! AND I got to show up Becky Brewner.
66/92	This place is amazing!!!	Wait, what was I talking about? Never mind.
67/92	Anyway, I think the best way you can help me is with the genie's riddle.
68/92	What do you think she meant by "Where I left my dreams"?
(A)	I've got an idea. Let's find where this genie lives, and threaten to drop a tree on her house.
(B)	Knowing how things work around here, where are you most likely to touch yourself?
69/92	Oh wait! Tree - house!	Oh! You mean, like...
70/92	That's brilliant!	What Cyndi Lauper was singing about?
71/92	Not the threat. That was sort of forced.	She Bop?
72/92	But you reminded me of the perfect place I might have "left my dreams"!	Like TOUCH touch myself?
73/92	The best place that comes to mind is my old tree house!
74/92	I used to have a LOT of adventures in there.
75/92	And, umm... Adventures of a different sort.
76/92	Like - the self-discovery sort.
77/92	My best friend and I used to practice kissing in there.
78/92	And... Umm... You know... Humping and stuff.
79/92	Our braces got stuck together once, and we had to convince the fireman we were practicing CPR.
80/92	If there's any place where I "left my dreams", it's there for sure!
81/92	Thanks for your help! I'll message you when I know for sure if we got the right spot!
82/92	I'll be back after this short word from our sponsors!
Pause	12 hour 13 minute 20 second pause
83/92	Hey!
84/92	It's me again!
85/92	I made it!
86/92	I made it to the Tree Fort!
87/92	One sec, I'll send proof.
88/92	The genie said this Magic Phone had a camera...
89/92	But I didn't believe her. Imagine that! A camera in your phone!
Pause	1 hour pause
90/92	Oh wait I found it!
91/92	Here we are!
92/92	[Honey photo 1]
1/34	Tadaa! It's Honey!
2/34	(That's me!)
(A)	I never understood, until this moment, how awesome the 90s were.
(B)	Boobs!
3/34	Haha! Yeah, the 80s and 90s are awesome!	Oh my gosh, it's like none of your dirty words are bleeped at all.
4/34	That's when all my best adventures have taken place.	...
5/34	When I met that magic cat...	Fuck me in the ass!
6/34	Or got stuck in that hot air balloon for 12 hours...	Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! I thought for sure that would get bleeped! O_O
7/34	Or that time all those zombies started dancing all... Wapow! Washaw!	Sorry for cussing - I actually didn't mean to. Hahaha!
8/34	Okay, so, what sorta "dreams" do you think the genie meant?
9/34	Like - my dream to become an astronaut?
10/34	Or score the winning goal in the big soccer game?
11/34	Or my dream of going to prom with ALL of the Side Street Bad Boys?
12/34	(Hee hee!)
(A)	What does your gut tell you?
(B)	If you're in the right spot, it must have something to do with your tree house, right?
13/34	My gut tells me I could really use an Ecto Cooler...	Hmm... That's a good point.
14/34	Well...
15/34	Like I said...
16/34	My Treehouse was where I used to come to...
17/34	Have "Honey time".
18/34	If you know what I mean...
(A)	I think I do.
(B)	Go on.
19/34	Okay good. I'm sort of awful at subtlety.	Eeek! Okay!
20/34	Okay... So, I used to have this one dream...
21/34	Where I would invite my crush up to the Tree House...
Pause	1 hour pause
22/34	And we would be reading comic books and listening to Duran Duran.
23/34	I would go to reach over to grab a comic...
24/34	And I would catch my crush... You know...
25/34	Looking...
26/34	And I'm not wearing any underwear...
27/34	Then I would reach down... And start touching...
28/34	And they wouldn't be able to...
29/34	And I...
30/34	Sorry, I'm not great with words. >.<
31/34	One sec... I'll SHOW you what I mean...
Pause	2 day pause
32/34	Okay, I've got a pic to share.
33/34	This was what my #1 dream would have looked like...
34/34	[NSFW photo]
1/63	Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I imagined that little fantasy.
2/63	I never brought a crush to my Tree House.
3/63	Just Sam, my best friend. And we just did over-the-clothes kind of stuff.
4/63	*Sigh* I had forgotten that deep desire I had.
5/63	Maybe this is what this adventure is for?
6/63	If so, it's a bit more, umm...
7/63	Naughty...
8/63	Than my other adventures.
9/63	What do you think?
(A)	I think this is definitely what the magic genie wanted you to do.
(B)	I think there's literally nothing to lose in fucking yourself and seeing if you feel better.
Pause	5 minute pause
10/63	It definitely feels like the sort of thing a weird genie would want, hey?	Hahaha! Well, that's one way to put it!
11/63	And if so, this still isn't the naughtiest adventure I've ever had, so I don't see a reason to avoid it.	Gosh! Every time you swear, I get all tingly and anxious. Hahaha! What a world to live in!
12/63	If you REALLY want to help me...
13/63	I, umm....
14/63	I have a VERY specific thing I would like for you to do.
15/63	If you're feeling up for it...
(A)	Yeah sure, anything.
(B)	As long as I'm not required to purchase diamonds, I'm game.
16/63	Welllll... Hear me out first before you start getting too generous.	Oh no! You don't need to buy me jewelry or anything like that.
17/63	Okay, here's the thing...
18/63	And I hope this isn't as weird as it sounds in my head...
19/63	If I'm going to do anything in this Tree House...
20/63	I would like you to...
21/63	Make a whole bunch of 90s references. >.<
(A)	My reference game is on point. Let's do this.
(B)	Hold on a sec. Let me just pull a bunch from the internet.
22/63	That's perfect!	What's an internet?
23/63	I love your can-do attitude.	Oh! Nevermind. I don't want to alter the timeline or anything.
24/63	Okay, one sec.
25/63	Let me get ready.
26/63	Back soon!
Pause	1 day pause
27/63	Okay.
28/63	I'm ready.
29/63	(I can't believe I'm doing this! Hahaha!)
(A)	Encyclopedia Britannica.
(B)	VHS Tapes.
30/63	Oh! A very cerebral start, hahaha!	Oh what? Those are a 90s thing? They go away? What do they get replaced with?
31/63	Keep going...	Never mind, let's keep going.
(A)	Thursday night - Must See TV.
(B)	Madonna.
Pause	10 minute pause
32/63	Oooh, those are my favorite TV shows! AND my favorite commercials, hahaha!	Oh no! MADONNA is a 90s thing? But she's so timeless! :O
Pause	5 minute pause
33/63	Okay, I'm umm...
34/63	I'm starting to get REALLY wet...
(A)	Bagel bites.
(B)	Kellee Kapowskee.
Pause	15 minute pause
35/63	Delicious! Keep going!	She's a cutie! Keep going!
(A)	Crystal Popsi!
(B)	You've got mail!
36/63	MY FAVORITE!	YES! LET'S GO SURFING!
Pause	20 minute pause
37/63	YES!
38/63	OH YES!!
39/63	I'M CUMMING!
40/63	OH MY GOOOOODDDD!!!
41/63	HAHAHA!
42/63	Oh wow!
43/63	I wasn't expecting that to work so well.
44/63	It was like...
45/63	It was like you were here with me.
46/63	And it made it so...
47/63	Wonderful.
48/63	Thank you.
(A)	You're welcome. Still not the strangest relationship I've ever had.
(B)	This game is so weird.
49/63	Hahaha! Me neither!	I'm not sure what you mean, but that's pretty much my whole life, so I agree.
Pause	1 hour pause
50/63	Oh!
51/63	My Magic Phone is showing that the Time Portal is ready to take me home!
52/63	I guess he magic genie really did want me to travel to the future so I could go back to the Tree House of my youth and take care of my unfinished business there.
53/63	I should have known!
54/63	It's actually pretty obvious.
55/63	Well, I would like to thank you for making my weird adventure so memorable and special.
56/63	If you ever find yourself on an "excellent adventure" back to the 90s, look me up. I'm in the phone book!
57/63	And for helping me, I've got something for you...
58/63	I took a pic during the "climax" of...
59/63	Umm...
60/63	"The Excellent Adventure".
61/63	Hold on, one sec. My phone is starting to slow down. I guess it's reverting back to 90s technology mode.
Pause	3 day pause
62/63	Here you go! I had a little EXTRA help from my favorite "Honey Stick", back from my awkward teen years.
63/63	[NSFW Photo]
1/∞	Thanks for everything.
2/∞	Don't forget me!
3/∞	And as we say in the 90s...
4/∞	Good Journey.

Second Conversation

Honey texts you back in the present year from looking through her stuff to use for a yard sale and busy making cupcakes for a bake sale club. She asks you if you're real or not from remembering the sexual experience she had with you from the treehouse.

SFW version

Progress	SFW chat
1/42	All right, I've made up my mind.
2/42	I'm texting you to ask...
3/42	Are you real?
(A)	I think so? How do I check?
(B)	Honey, I'm all that and a bag of chips B)
4/42	Oh wow.	Omigosh! It is you!
5/42	I honestly wasn't expecting an answer.	And you remember me?
6/42	This is so wild! It's been...
7/42	Well, I guess it hasn't been very long for you at all!
(A)	Feels like eons. Why, how long has it been for you?
(B)	So wassup homeslice? More time travelling adventures?

NSFW version

Progress	Moist and Uncensored chat
1/42	All right, I've made up my mind.
2/42	I'm texting you to ask...
3/42	Are you real?
(A)	I think so? How do I check?
(B)	Honey, I'm all that and a bag of chips B)
4/42	Oh wow.	Omigosh! It is you!
5/42	I honestly wasn't expecting an answer.	And you remember me?
6/42	This is so wild! It's been...
7/42	Well, I guess it hasn't been very long for you at all!
(A)	Feels like eons. Why, how long has it been for you?
(B)	So wassup homeslice? More time travelling adventures?
8/42	Umm...	Ahhh not exactly?
9/42	Oh boy, I really didn't think through what to say next.
10/42	Okay, hear me out.
11/42	I'm having a yard sale next weekend.
12/42	So I was going through a bunch of old boxes of stuff, looking for things to get rid of, and...
13/42	I found some stuff.
14/42	Specifically... My old Magical Phone, which suddenly seemed to be working again?
15/42	(Side note: It really doesn't seem all that "magical" now. Like, my actual cellphone is a million times better.)
16/42	Anyway, I wasn't sure whether I should try to contact you.
17/42	Also I was kind of worried about getting sucked through time again, but I think I'll be okay as long as I don't push the pound button.
18/42	Or the... "Hashtag", as the kids say! Ha!
19/42	Oh gosh, where am I going with this?
(A)	Umm...Honey?
(B)	Hold up. Hashtag?
20/42	That's my name, don't wear it out!	Um... Yes?
21/42	:D	:D
(A)	Tell me what year it is for you.
(B)	You're not living in the 90s anymore, are you?
22/42	Well... I suppose it's... the same year it is for you?	Only with regards to my hairstyle.
23/42	Because I definitely haven't time traveled recently.	Or so my kid tells me.
24/42	And twenty years have passed.	(Can't believe I raised such a cheeky little bugger)
25/42	Erm... So yeah...
26/42	I guess our timelines have caught up with each other!
(A)	?
(B)	Wait... Does that mean you're a MILF now?
27/42	?	I dunno!
28/42	?	What's a MILF?
29/42	Okay, so I might not be totally "with the times", but I do try.
(A)	?
(B)	I wanna hear everything! I wanna see you!
30/42	?	Goodness, no!
31/42	You still have those pictures I sent you from the treehouse, right?
32/42	Just look at those!
33/42	Remember me how I was :)
(A)	?
(B)	Please?
34/42	?	Are you sure?
35/42	You might be... Disappointed.
(A)	Wanna bet?
(B)	Inconceivable!
36/42	Your confidence is astounding!	That word might not mean what you think it means!
37/42	All right, fine. I'm convinced.	But...ok. Since you really seem to want it.
38/42	Just remember, twenty years have passed.
39/42	I'm definitely not a perky little rollerskating chica anymore!
40/42	Hmm... I want to make sure this picture is "enjoyable" for you, but how?
Pause	2 hours pause
41/42	Maybe... something like this?
42/42	[NSFW photo]
1/44	Tadaa! It's Honey, matured.
(A)	?
(B)	Oh, snap! You're hot as hell!
2/44	?	You really think so?
3/44	?	I try to keep fit, but sometimes I'm not so sure...
4/44	I just can't believe how much time has passed.
5/44	Despite everything I've been through, I don't feel a day over 18!
(A)	So catch me up. What's life been like?
(B)	?
6/44	Pretty average, actually.	?
7/44	After the treehouse, when I returned to my own time, things just sort of...naturally wound down.
8/44	First, Fergel went back to his home planet. Then my nerdy neighbor was recruited by the government
9/44	And then I went off to college!
(A)	What was that like?
(B)	Did "Honey: The College Years" get decent ratings?
10/44	Oh, I loved it.	...
11/44	I learned a lot about myself, and I made some great friends.	All that matters is I had a GREAT time.
12/44	As cliche as it is, I even ended up marrying my college sweetheart!
13/44	We had a family, a house with a white picket fence... It was perfect.
14/44	And then...
15/44	Well.
16/44	I was widowed pretty young.
(A)	Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that :(
(B)	?
17/44	Thanks.	?
18/44	It's okay, though. As tough as it was, I got through it.	?
19/44	WE got through it.	?
20/44	And now my kids are all grown up, out on their own, living their lives, and I couldn't be more proud.
21/44	The empty-nest thing gets a bit lonely, but I spend lots of time with my friends, and I go on dates.
22/44	Other than that... Sometimes I volunteer? For like... bake sales?
23/44	Gosh, I must sound so boring now! Especially compared to before... in my treehouse...
(A)	I mean... We could revisit the treehouse thing, if you want.
(B)	With your "Honey Stick". I remember.
24/44	I'd be lying if I said I didn't still fantasize about it.	My favorite toy <3
25/44	So many happy memories...	I have to say, nothing ever did it for me quite like that.
26/44	Oh, shoot. Is that the time?
27/44	I'm supposed to be making seventy-five cupcakes for tomorrow's charity bakesale!
(A)	I bet you look real good in an apron.
(B)	Mmm... What kind of cupcakes?
28/44	I'd tell you to get your mind out of the gutter, but... Yeah, it does accentuate my extra curves pretty nicely.	Angel food cake, topped with whipped vanilla frosting. Tastes like heaven on earth.
29/44	Okay, I really should have been in the kitchen an hour ago.
30/44	If I don't answer as much, it's because I'm sifting / stirring / pouring.
(A)	I'd offer to let you go, but I don't want to.
(B)	I'm not distracting you, am I?
31/44	?	No no.
32/44	?	Well, yes.
33/44	?	But in such a pleasant way.
34/44	It's bringing back a lot of very naughty memories.
35/44	Of the way you helped me...
36/44	In the treehouse...
37/44	Thinking about the orgasms I had that day...
38/44	Mmm.
Pause	4 hours pause
39/44	It's making it very difficult to focus.
40/44	I just forgot what a tablespoon was.
41/44	Anyway... what would you think if I actually leaned into the fantasy a little bit?
42/44	Like, for example... take a look at this.
43/44	Here I am again... For your eyes only ;)
44/44	[NSFW photo]
1/45	Snapped this one while the oven was preheating.
(A)	You. Look. Delicious.
(B)	I've never wanted to be a whisk so badly.
2/45	You interested in a taste-test?	?
3/45	I could save you a lick, if you like.
(A)	I think I'm drooling.
(B)	Yes. Let's eat cake and lick each other.
4/45	I think that means you're hungry ;)	Talk about a sugar high!
5/45	Teehee!
(A)	You flirt! You must get so much attention.
(B)	I sure hope you know how attractive you are.
6/45	?	I don't always feel that way... But sometimes I get little reminders.
7/45	?	Like, last week I went to pick up milk and eggs, and somehow ended up with the grocery clerk's phone number!
8/45	But I have to say, the attention you're giving me...
9/45	Is WAY more of a turn-on.
10/45	Because you hold such a special place in my... What do they call it?
11/45	Spank bank! You hold a special place in my spank bank. :)
(A)	I feel the same way, Honey.
(B)	I feel special :)
12/45	Good. :)	?
13/45	Can I just say, I'm so glad I found this old phone?
(A)	Speaking of which... Did you happen to find anything else? Like maybe your old outfit?
(B)	Who knew opening an old storage bin would lead to such a reunion?
14/45	Well the rollerskates are long gone, I know that.	I know!
15/45	But I did find a couple of clothing items in the box.	Also, there was SO much stuff in there I'd totally forgotten about.
16/45	My old skirt, a couple of tops... They're still in pretty good condition, too!	Boyband posters, Beanie pets, one of those keychain game thingies.
17/45	But...	I even found some of my old clothes from when I was, oh, probably 18 or 19.
18/45	They're absolutely miniscule!
19/45	I was so shocked when I pulled them out. I'm not sure whether I laughed 'til I cried, or I cried 'til I laughed.
(A)	I bet you could still rock them.
(B)	Okay, you HAVE to try them on.
20/45	Oh, please!	?
21/45	There's no way any of that stuff would fit me now.
22/45	I would be spilling out all over the place.
(A)	Exactly.
(B)	But we're reminiscing! It'd be so thematically appropiate!
23/45	Oh, I see how it is!	Okay, you make a valid argument.
24/45	You really want me to try on my old clothes?
(A)	I just think you'd look super hot.
(B)	Do it for old times' sake! It'll be such a turn-on. For both of us.
25/45	Hmm. Let me think about that.	Well, when you put it that way...
26/45	Okay.
27/45	I'll go dig them out again.
28/45	But not until after my cupcakes are done.
29/45	And I'm not promising you any pictures!
(A)	We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
(B)	I guess that's fair.
30/45	Okay, I'm gonna focus on cupcakes now. Talk to you in a bit.	Thanks for understanding haha. I'll message you when I'm ready.
Pause	12 hours pause
31/45	Well, cupcakes are out of the oven.
32/45	And... Yup, this outfit is definitely too small.
(A)	Show me show me show me.
(B)	Excellent.
33/45	Stop it, you're making me blush!	?
34/45	I do actually feel pretty cute, though.
35/45	Ah, if only I still had my rollerskates. And some jelly bracelets!
36/45	You know, we used to play this dumb "sex game" with those jelly bracelets.
37/45	Well, it was probably more of an urban myth.
38/45	But I fantasized about it a LOT.
39/45	This outfit really brings me back to when I was young and crazy horny...
40/45	You know what I mean?
(A)	I know what you mean so hard it hurts.
(B)	See? I was right, and now we're both turned on.
41/45	Poor thing.	This is true.
42/45	And I think you deserve a reward.	Maybe this picture will help?
43/45	I'm sending it now.
44/45	Hope you like what you see.
45/45	[NSFW photo]
1/∞	So what do you think?
2/∞	Can I still pull it off?
(A)	I dunno about you but I definitely want to pull it off.
(B)	I mean, you probably shouldn't go out in public like that.
3/∞	As if you'd need to. Look at this easy access.	Can you imagine?
4/∞	I am totally exposed...
5/∞	And ready for that taste-test.
(A)	I can't decide where I want to bury my face first.
(B)	Hnnnggghhh.
6/∞	If you were here, I'd say... just grab me. Put your mouth anywhere. Everywhere.	?
7/∞	I wish you could be here...	?
8/∞	But right now... I've REALLY got to get back to those cupcakes. I'm sorry!
9/∞	If I neglect to decorate them, my reputation with the Suburban Ladies' Baking Association will be ruined.
10/∞	And proper cupcake decoration takes a lot of attention.
11/∞	Also... I'm getting this weird flashing battery warning?
12/∞	It says 5%. I wonder how long that'll last...
13/∞	I mean, this battery seems pretty resilient.
14/∞	Which is probably the understatement of the past two decades, considering...
15/∞	Okay, no, it's flashing red. It's serious.
16/∞	I need to find a charger that fits.
17/∞	I need to copy down your number!
(A)	Hurry! I don't want to lose contact with you for another 20 years!
(B)	Uh oh. Why didn't we think about this earlier?
18/∞	Oh, don't you worry.	?
19/∞	I will get this figured out, somehow.
20/∞	Even if it means calling my son for IT advice (he hates when I do that).
21/∞	But I'd better say goodbye now.
22/∞	And thanks for everything!
23/∞	Hopefully, we'll talk again soon.
(A)	Bye, Honey :(
(B)	I hope so!!! Good luck!
24/∞	Bye for now!	Thanks!

Dialogue List

First Meeting

1. Strapped into your rental skates, you head out onto to the roller rink.
2. Whether it's the expired wax they used on the floors, or the rust in your skills, it's really hard to stay on your feet.
3. After a few funky falls, some bullies start pointing and making fun of you.
4. Honey skates over like the Roller-Derby Princess you know she was, and upon your jeerers, rains down the wrath of a mom-friend scorned!
5. Bullies' bad behavior - CRUSHED!

Adversary

• Oh gosh. I'm sorry. Was that too harsh? Should I have let you handle it yourself? I just can't stand bullies!

Sorry

• Ohh, I hate bullies! Running around like the whole world is just one big high school movie... Don't they know that makes them the bad guys?
• Did I embarrass you? I embarrassed you, didn't I? At least I resisted the urge to kiss your boo-boos...
• When my kids were in school, you wouldn't believe the big, scary mama bear I turned into if I got wind of any bullying. Well, I didn't literally turn into a bear. That would be absurd!
• You look awfully pale... Have you eaten anything today? I brought some granola bars, do you want one?

Gift

• Aw, this is cute! Did you make it all by yourself? I'm putting it right on the fridge!

Poke

• Oh no! I'm a little self-conscious about my tiger stripes! My lightning strikes! My... my... stretch marks! Don't touch them!

Upgrade to Nuisance

1. I knew roller skating was going to be a bad idea! Coffee dates may be sorta boring, but that's because they're safe! And at least no one laughs at you!
2. At least, they don't usually laugh at you. There was that one time I tried out a trendy new spot and ordered a "medium coffee" instead of a grandee mochi-yato and yeah... The barista laughed at me. So did everyone else in line.

You unlocked Honey. What a blast from the past!

Nuisance

• Uh. So what's hip? What's happening? What... slays? Did I use that right?

Sorry

• You look awfully pale... Have you eaten anything today? I brought some granola bars, do you want one?
• I'm really glad you're not embarrassed to be seen with me. My kids used to make me park a block away whenever I’d pick them up from high school... My self-esteem was crushed!
• How about we go do a round or two of mini golf? That's still a popular place to hang out, right? Well, even if it's not popular, it's still fun!
• Would you mind if we went out for dinner? After that bake sale I need a night off from dishes. But don't worry, I promise I know lots of ways of taking care of you other than cooking...
• I was so happy when I woke up this morning and realized meeting you in person wasn't all a dream! You're real, and you're here, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Gift

• Aw, this is cute! Did you make it all by yourself? I'm putting it right on the fridge!

Poke

• Hey! Keep your hands to yourself, buster! "Why?" Because I said so!

Upgrade to Frenemy

1. I have no idea what sorts of things people do on dates these days. "Escaping rooms?" Been there, done that! It's called trying to leave the house on time for anything when you have kids! Glad I'm past that stage!
2. That said, I'm pretty much game for anything. Sandwiches, juice boxes, fresh baked cookies... You name it, I can pack it for our lunch! Just call me Cooking Mama!

You've reached Frenemy level with Honey. Way harsh.

Frenemy

• Do you need anything? Wet wipe? Hard candy? One of the perks of being a mom is having a magical bottomless purse. Or is that a perk of being a magical TV character? Either way... magic!

Sorry

• Would you mind if we went out for dinner? After that bake sale I need a night off from dishes. But don't worry, I promise I know lots of ways of taking care of you other than cooking...
• I was so happy when I woke up this morning and realized meeting you in person wasn't all a dream! You're real, and you're here, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
• Since my name is Honey, I thought it would be cute if I took up beekeeping! Then I remembered I'm allergic, so I bought a bee purse instead. Us 90s girls don't need any more bee-sting allergy trauma!
• Wanna hear a joke? "Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumb-y!" Hehe, that never stops being funny! I got it out of a joke book I bought from the school book fair as a kid. Remember those? It came with a novelty pencil!
• My kid bought me one of those robot vacuums, but I'm not terribly impressed with it. It keeps bonking into my kitchen chairs and getting "stuck on cliffs"! What cliffs? I live in a bungalow! Call me old-fashioned, but I think I’d rather just sweep.
• It's supposed to be really nice this weekend. I'm going to do some work in the garden and make juice crystals in my branded smiley-face pitcher! Do you want to join me? OH YEAH!
• The reason computers and technology are getting so smart is probably because they all have the good sense to listen to their motherboard.

Gift

• Not that I'd turn my nose up at another gift of night cream or, um, let's call it "distinguished" perfume, but this is way better!

Poke

• Hey! Keep your hands to yourself, buster! "Why?" Because I said so!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

1. Wouldn't you be more interested in me if I was a tough lady lawyer, or a sexy city journalist, or an FBI alien investigator? Isn't my being a mom and an empty nester... a little... meh?
2. Daytime TV, community volunteering, garage sales... Don't get me wrong, I keep busy, but it feels like there's something missing. Maybe you can help me find out what it is.

Chillax! Honey is now your Acquaintance!

Acquaintance

• Part of me worries I'm the ill-advised vanity sequel to the very popular "Young Honey"... Although I guess so long as I don't get written off my own show, I'll be doing better than some!

Talk

• My kid bought me one of those robot vacuums, but I'm not terribly impressed with it. It keeps bonking into my kitchen chairs and getting "stuck on cliffs"! What cliffs? I live in a bungalow! Call me old-fashioned, but I think I’d rather just sweep.
• It's supposed to be really nice this weekend. I'm going to do some work in the garden and make juice crystals in my branded smiley-face pitcher! Do you want to join me? OH YEAH!
• The reason computers and technology are getting so smart is probably because they all have the good sense to listen to their motherboard.
• My kids' friends used to call me "Stacy's mom." I've had some weird nicknames over the years, but this one stumped me... My daughter's name isn't Stacy!
• Did you know you can find tons of recipes on the world wide web? And you get to read all about the life of the person who wrote them, too! You'd never find that level of storytelling in a cookbook!

Gift

• Not that I'd turn my nose up at another gift of night cream or, um, let's call it "distinguished" perfume, but this is way better!

Poke

• Hey! Keep your hands to yourself, buster! "Why?" Because I said so!
• You're honestly going to have to try a little harder than that. After raising my two little rascals, I'm a seasoned tickle fighter! Do your worst!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

1. My daughter made me a blog awhile back so I could write about my more exciting younger years. I should dust it off! Maybe if we re-read my old posts we can find some ideas for things to do!
2. I'm not sure there's enough aspirin in the world to handle the back pain I'd be in after jumping a singing shark nowadays, so we can scratch that one off the list immediately.

You're in the Friendzone with Honey, home skillet!

Friendzoned

• Aww, you came back! There's just no loyalty like the fan - or in your case, fling - who tunes in every week.

Talk

• Ooh! The bowling alley just converted their lanes to glow-in-the-dark 5 pin! Let's dress in all neon and go! It'll be totally radical!
• Reading through my old blog is giving me the itch to start writing again! How does this sound for a comeback post? "Catching up: Confessions of a Not-So-Teenage Time Traveller"?
• My kids thought they would need to teach me how to text. Little did they know that thanks to my wacky adventures with you, their mom had a phone with a QWERTY keyboard before it was cool!
• It's so refreshing to be spending time with someone who ISN'T using lamewad bee-themed pickup lines on me. You'd better bee-lieve I've heard them all.
• Guess what! A teenybopper just complimented my "mom jeans"! She said they made my butt look "fire" and even asked me where I got them! The back of my closet, no doi!
• Are you chilly? I packed you a sweater just in case! Sorry if that seems a little helicopter-y, I guess my nurturing instincts come out when I... care about someone.

Gift

• I gotta say... I've gotten so used to putting others before myself, it feels really nice to have someone else spoiling me for a change! Keep it up!

Poke

• Hey! Keep your hands to yourself, buster! "Why?" Because I said so!
• You're honestly going to have to try a little harder than that. After raising my two little rascals, I'm a seasoned tickle fighter! Do your worst!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

1. I used to worry that New Honey could never measure up to Honey Classic, but look at me now! I guess you could say spending time with you is really... refreshing? Hee hee hee!
2. Seriously, though, I think I'm ready to stop pining for the past and look forward to my fun new future... with you!

Honey is your Awkward Bestie! Wazzuuuup?

Awkward Besties

• You've been showing up around here a lot more, lately. Did you get upgraded to series regular? Oooh, I hope so!

Flirt

• It's so refreshing to be spending time with someone who ISN'T using lamewad bee-themed pickup lines on me. You'd better bee-lieve I've heard them all.
• Guess what! A teenybopper just complimented my "mom jeans"! She said they made my butt look "fire" and even asked me where I got them! The back of my closet, no doi!
• Are you chilly? I packed you a sweater just in case! Sorry if that seems a little helicopter-y, I guess my nurturing instincts come out when I... care about someone.
• You know, I gave the online dating thing a try, but I never quite got the hang of all the acronyms. A-S-L, W-Y-D... and what the heck is an M-I-L-F?
• Oh my gosh! I discovered my washing machine has a setting where it sings a little song when it's all done! It's so cute! I love it!
• I'm trying to decide what to make for the neighborhood potluck. Any recommendations? I usually bring potato chip casserole or Asian chicken salad... But you should tell me what your favorite food is!
• Having to set an example for your kids sure gets in the way of having zany adventures, but now that I'm through that season of my life? Watch out!

Gift

• I gotta say... I've gotten so used to putting others before myself, it feels really nice to have someone else spoiling me for a change! Keep it up!

Poke

• You're honestly going to have to try a little harder than that. After raising my two little rascals, I'm a seasoned tickle fighter! Do your worst!
• Hee hee! Okay, okay! You got me! Hee hee hee! Uncle! Uncle! Or is it Aunt? Either way, I give up!

Upgrade to Crush

1. You know how I was going through my old blog for date ideas? Well, the more I read, the more inspired I got, and long story short, I wrote a screenplay! Do you.... want to read it?
2. You do? Really? Booyah! I'm excited but also terrified to hear what you have to say. I should warn you, though, the plot revolves around a girl who gets a magic phone from a genie...

Honey has a Crush on you. You go, Marshmallow!

Crush

• Am I "fast" if I ask you to stay the night? It's just that it's already 8PM and I'm usually halfway through my bedtime lotion routine by now! If you come, though, you can help me with my back... And I'll make us waffles for breakfast as a thank you!

Flirt

• Do you like my mood ring? It's pink right now, which means I'm feeling romantic. Hehe, I can't believe I still remember that after all these years!
• zzzZZZzzz... *snort* uh!? Oh. Sorry. I was up late writing last night! I had had such a bout of inspiration! Which carried on to my dreams... and we... Let's just say it wasn't PG-13!
• Wanna play that pencil and paper fortune telling game with me? Um... just never mind the part where I cheated and wrote your name over and over for the section that predicts who I'm going to marry...
• Don't worry if you can't sew. I taught myself when I was younger! If you've popped a button, yo, I'll sew it! Hee hee!
• All the ads on my phone have started to have a definite theme. Marshmallow fluff, s'mores kits, hot chocolate... I've heard about the algorithm thingie, but I don't get it! How does it KNOW?
• Oh! I wanted to bake some cookies this afternoon, but I don't have all the ingredients! Do you have any raisins? How about a date! Hehe, get it? A date? ...Well? How about it?

Gift

• Would you believe I was JUST thinking about getting one of these? You're as good at reading minds as those pesky pop up ads on my computer! Thank you!

Poke

• You're honestly going to have to try a little harder than that. After raising my two little rascals, I'm a seasoned tickle fighter! Do your worst!
• Hee hee! Okay, okay! You got me! Hee hee hee! Uncle! Uncle! Or is it Aunt? Either way, I give up!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

1. I have a crazy idea. Do you... remember my tree house? I thought it would be fun if we got together this weekend and built ourselves a new one! What do you say!?
2. Being able to look out the window over my sink into my backyard, at something we built together... I don't know, it just feels so nostalgic and romantic, like a dreamy flashback in soft focus!

You and Honey are, like, majorly Sweethearts.

Sweetheart

• My stomach is full of butterflies! You make me more nervous than the Y2K bug ever did... but in a good way!

Flirt

• Don't worry if you can't sew. I taught myself when I was younger! If you've popped a button, yo, I'll sew it! Hee hee!
• All the ads on my phone have started to have a definite theme. Marshmallow fluff, s'mores kits, hot chocolate... I've heard about the algorithm thingie, but I don't get it! How does it KNOW?
• Oh! I wanted to bake some cookies this afternoon, but I don't have all the ingredients! Do you have any raisins? How about a date! Hehe, get it? A date? ...Well? How about it?
• You make me feel like a teenager again! Come on, let’s do something spontaneous and irresponsible. Let’s give each other temporary tattoos!
• I'm crushing on you so hard, if we went to the movie store I'd let you pick the rental and the snacks!
• What's the first thing you'd do if we magically switched bodies? I know what I'd do, but it's "Too Hot for TV" so I can't really say...

Gift

• Would you believe I was JUST thinking about getting one of these? You're as good at reading minds as those pesky pop up ads on my computer! Thank you!

Poke

• Hee hee! Okay, okay! You got me! Hee hee hee! Uncle! Uncle! Or is it Aunt? Either way, I give up!
• AH! Ha ha ha! How are you still finding new ticklish spots!? Hee hee ha!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

1. I have big news! SO BIG! Bigger than when the Huddle Telescope was launched, or when they cloned Molly the sheep! Do you know a producer named Alfie Alfalfa!?
2. I sent him my script! And he loved it! He wants to produce a pilot! Squee! It's because of you and your faith in me that any of this was even possible!

Honey is your Girlfriend! Boo-yah!

Girlfriend

• Look who it is! Come give your girlfriend a kiss! Did that sound kind of forced? I just wanted an excuse to call myself your girlfriend. It feels so nice to say it! I'm your girlfriend! Hee hee hee!

Flirt

• You make me feel like a teenager again! Come on, let’s do something spontaneous and irresponsible. Let’s give each other temporary tattoos!
• I'm crushing on you so hard, if we went to the movie store I'd let you pick the rental and the snacks!
• What's the first thing you'd do if we magically switched bodies? I know what I'd do, but it's "Too Hot for TV" so I can't really say...
• Everyone keeps telling me I need glasses. To read tiny restaurant menus, maybe, but I sure don't need them to see the bright future I have with you!
• I'm still amazed by all your hobbies! Which is saying a lot, because I did AV Club, karate, interpretive dance, junior chainsaw carving, swim lessons, competitive beatboxing...

Gift

• Since I've been on my own, I started a little tradition of buying myself flowers every Sunday. With gifts like this, maybe I could take a week off! Or you could just take over? Heehee!
• Well, isn't this just all that and a bag of chips! Thank you so much!

Poke

• Hee hee! Okay, okay! You got me! Hee hee hee! Uncle! Uncle! Or is it Aunt? Either way, I give up!
• AH! Ha ha ha! How are you still finding new ticklish spots!? Hee hee ha!

Upgrade to Lover

1. So! My kids surprised me by coming home from college for the weekend. They want to have a barbecue to celebrate my show getting picked up by the network! Will you come?
2. Having everyone I love at home, all at the same time? Sounds like the perfect happy ending to me.

Oh snap! Honey is in LOVE with you!

Lover

• What's the haps, home-slice? Hee hee. Thank you for appreciating my slang!
• I thought I might bump into you today, so I passed over the function-first beige bra and wore a lacy little something instead. It's pretty... as in, "pretty uncomfortable"! But worth it for you.
• Honey, I'm home! I'm home, honey! I'm Honey, and I'm home, honey! Huh. I can't seem to phrase that in a way that sounds right.
• Shh, listen! If you pay close attention, when you kiss me you can almost hear the chorus of people yelling "Awwww!" Now, let's try for an "OOoooOOOoooooOOOH!"
• If you wanna be my lover, you gotta... keep doing things exactly as you've been doing them already, because you're doing great!
• Remind me again, which of these colored jelly bracelets means I wanna tongue kiss in the backseat of my minivan?
• (Naked) I keep looking down there and expecting to see my bits covered by censor bars, but nope, it's all there! So... enjoy!
• (Naked) I couldn't decide between wearing my jorts or jean skirt, so I went with neither!
• (Naked) Good to see you! Let me get you something to eat! Or, alternately, I could BE something to eat...

Seduce

• Everyone keeps telling me I need glasses. To read tiny restaurant menus, maybe, but I sure don't need them to see the bright future I have with you!
• I'm still amazed by all your hobbies! Which is saying a lot, because I did AV Club, karate, interpretive dance, junior chainsaw carving, swim lessons, competitive beatboxing...
• Being with you gives me a whole new lease on life... Like I'm starring in a series reboot! A good one, not a dark and edgy one where all the teenagers are played by twenty-somethings with eight packs.
• Are you a virtual pet? Because I wanna stare at you all day and push your buttons!
• I always wished that I'd have asked you for a picture so I could hang it up on my wall with my boyband and neon dolphin posters and kiss it goodnight. Now, I have the real thing and no regrets!
• They're still trying to find an actor to play "you" on my tv show. The casting director is doing her best, but nobody she's had audition for the part is cute or hot enough!
• I wanna call into the radio request line and dedicate a song to you. Do people still do that? Shoot! I have so many mushy songs! I could make you a mixtape? Or burn you a CD? Do they still do those?
• You know what? I think it's time. I'm trading in my trusty old minivan for the cute yellow convertible of my dreams so we can drive around with the top down... Just the two of us!
• Jelly sandals, butterfly clips, ultra low rise jeans... I've seen a lot of fads come and go over the decades! Which is why you can believe me when I say a love like ours will never go out of style!
• Oh my gosh. The bouncer at the club said I was born in "The Late 1900's." Before I go and cry about it, can you smack my butt or wolf whistle at me or something to remind me I'm still extremely sexy?
• Every time I see you, I get hot flashes. Is this meno-- Nope! I may be getting up there, but I'm still not old enough for a line like that. You do make me hot though, hehe!
• Did I tell you about the day my hometown woke up with a song in our hearts? Oh sure, it sounds nice, but then you find yourself belting "Morning, what's for breakfast?" at the top of your lungs...
• Wanna sneak into the live studio audience for my show? Since it's based on my life, it kinda brings a whole new meaning to "laughing at yourself"!
• After my zany adventures wound down, I went to community college, worked in an office, made friends who'd always be there for me, and started a modern family... But that's a whole other era of TV, you know?
• Why doesn't cereal come with toys anymore? I thought maybe I was just eating too much grown up "Regular Bowel of Wheat" kinda stuff, but the "All Sugar No Nutrition" box was toyless, too! What gives?!
• My annoying neighbor runs a tech startup nowadays! Times sure have changed. I bet he doesn't even need his suave sexy alter ego to get girls! Nerds are hot now, even if they do snort when they laugh!
• I still subscribe to teen magazines. Not for the heartthrobs - for the horoscopes! The newspaper only ever predicts the future of my finances. I'd rather read about my lovelife!
• I know someone with a hot air balloon we might be able to borrow! I'm sure it will be an exciting and romantic experience, but I'll pack an extra long rope ladder. Just in case.
• Did you hear about those games people are playing on their phones, where the object is to date virtual girls? Talk about a ripoff of my favorite movie, Strange Science!
• Want to lay your head in my lap? My thighs are practically pillows and my bosom is even better!
• I can't stop looking at those nostalgia sites that post about snack foods they don't sell anymore. An empty nest I can handle, but an empty cupboard is too much to bear! Oh Orbitz, how I miss you...
• Alfie thought the show being autobiographical might leave it a little limited in scope. But I've got SEASONS of material to draw from. We haven't even touched the time I was a secret pop star!
• The more I get to know you, the more I realize your life is as zany as mine ever was! It feels like... home.
• There's so much more to me than a one-note "Mom Character" who never enters the scene without her laundry basket. Thank you for seeing that, and for helping me be everything I was truly meant to be.
• I'll be back after this short word from our sponsors! Okay quick, before everyone comes back... hold me, kiss me, touch me!
• I went through this weird phase back when I was married with children... I wore six inch stilettos around the house and had a tall, teased bouffant hairstyle. It's a wonder I didn't have to duck under door frames!
• Life is short. I only want to spend my precious time with people who get a round of applause when they enter a room! Like... you.
• I'm just relieved my kids aren't teens anymore. One more "very special episode" and I swear my hair was going to go gray!
• Hee hee. I don't know if you can consider me a snack anymore. I'm more like a meal -- the kind that comes with toys!
• You make me feel the same way I felt about that Warrior Princess I used to watch on the "boob tube". The BOOB tube, get it? Oh, you don't? Well, um, "boob tube" is what we used to call TV... Which is what we watched before YEWToob was invented...
• So hey, what do you say you and me do something you can only see on late night cable?
• (Naked) Let's do something sensual and steamy. What kind of bubble bath do you prefer? I've got Cotton Candy, Unicorn Shimmerberry, Rainbow Color Change Magic... Or I guess boring grown up epsom salts...
• (Naked) I read an article that said women at my age are in their sexual prime. Now I want to test that theory for myself. You in?
• (Naked) Before we met, I couldn't even swear without getting bleeped. Now look at me, a free woman! And I know just the way to enjoy that freedom to the fullest. By fucking!
• (Naked) I've been breaking my back cleaning the house all day. Will you give me a body rub pleeeeeease? I promise I'll return the favor... with my tongue.
• (Naked) I was going to surprise you by wearing nothing but an apron, but then I realized I only have the one and it's in the wash! Some sitcom mother I am! You don't mind though, do you? Hehe...
• (Naked) I don't know if my writers room is on strike, or they went out for coffees, or what, but I've run out of witty one-liners! So... Um... Come over here and screw me! Please.

Gift

• I haven't seen one of these since the nineties! And new in package, too! Wheeeeeere did you find it?!
• I always wanted one of these, but between outgrown clothes, lost library books, and field trip fees, I could never justify the expense in my budget. Ooohhh, I'm gonna cry!
• [School Uniform] *Sigh* I can't tell you how much I LOVE these roller skates. They're just like the ones I had when I was young!
• [Bathing Suit] Ooh! I feel like I want to run in slow-motion down the beach and get into steamy relationships with my sexy co-workers! Totally unrelated but... Want to get a summer job with me? We can practice mouth-to-mouth on each other!
• [Diamond Ring] The last time I wore a wedding dress, I thought it would be the only time. That I could never be more in love with someone. Yet, here I am, and here you are.
• [Holiday Outfit] I'm all set for my holiday special! Now we can learn that love is the real "reason for the season"!
• [Lingerie] Wow! This makes me feel really sensual and desirable... Is this how you always see me? You're the most wonderful person!
• [Birthday Suit] My body may have changed over the years, but this Hot Mama still has curves in all the right places!

Poke

• AH! Ha ha ha! How are you still finding new ticklish spots!? Hee hee ha!
• If you're looking for an excuse to touch me, lover, I could use a foot rub!
• My neck, my back... That's where I like a tickle attack! Hee hee, were you expecting me to rap something else? I'd have to wash my own mouth out with soap!
• (Naked) Mmmm, yes, harder! Ooh! Oops, I mean... "Hee hee"?
• (Naked) Ah ha ha HA! Ooh! Hee hee hee! Wait wait wait! Hee hee hee!
• (Naked) Hee hee! Lower... lower... looooowerrrrrrr..... - erk! That's not what I meant! Hee hee hee! HAHAHA!
• (Naked) Those wandering hands of yours have me feeling like a teenager again! Wanna go park somewhere and fog up the windshield?

Sex Scene

1. Never mind a fine wine, Honey has aged like a classic tv series: still funny, still sexy, still a must-see. "There's one surefire upside to having a... backstory like mine. I know exactly what I want." With a gentle hand on your head, she guides you down to her body, showing you all the places she likes to be licked and kissed and nibbled.
2. If such a thing is possible, she's even sweeter than her name implies, both in terms of disposition and taste. Licking her off your lips is as yummy as any retro flavored lip gloss. "Let's do that again! What can I say? Some shows get better on repeat viewing..."

Dates

• [Moonlight Stroll] I had a lovely time. The full moon was beautiful. By the way, did I ever tell you about the time my wacky neighbor Timmy became a werewolf? Let’s have a nightcap and I'll give you a recap!
• [Movie Theater] Oh shoot, I ran out of tissues! Now we'll have to settle for the emergency takeout napkin stash I keep in the bottom of my purse. I'm sorry, I just get so emotional at heartwarming movies!
• [Sightseeing] I never really got the chance to travel before. Always thought there'd be time, until there wasn't. Thank you for being with me now, for not taking our time for granted.
• [Beach] It sure was romantic to sit at a beach feeding each other sundaes. It made me feel like we were sweethearts in my favorite sitcom!

Dialogue about Ayeka

• Someone spray-painted the word "Cougar" onto my garage door! I appreciate the warning about dangerous wildlife in my neighborhood, but this is going to take ages to scrub off!
• Someone called the Homeowners Association to say my fence was too tall! It's not, but while they were here measuring they saw a dandelion in my yard, and now they have to do a full investigation!
• There's been a scary looking girl lurking around. Is she supposed to be a nosy neighbor character? Because she has more of a stalker vibe....
• Someone bought all the cupcakes I made for the bake sale just to smash and smear them all over my windows. At least the charity still got the money for them, but I hate people who waste food! Don't they know there are people starving in Canada?
• Someone keeps sending me videos of old sitcoms with the audience laughs edited out... It feels so ominous and unsettling! Are they trying to tell me something?
• My power shorted out right in the middle of a writing session! Thank goodness my son showed me how to autosave. Now to figure out how the heck those pennies got in my circuit breakers...

Requirements Table

Relationship Level	Requirements				Completion Reward
	Affection	Requirement 2	Requirement 3	Requirement 4
Adversary	1.47 × 1015 (1.47 Quadrillion)	9,221,987 House	1,002 Magic Candles	Lvl 57 Smart	0.32×
Nuisance	2.81 × 1015 (2.81 Quadrillion)	9,171,991 Tools	195 Enchanted Scarf	Lvl 60 Lucky	0.48×
Frenemy	6.772 × 1015 (6.772 Quadrillion)	90,210 Sunglasses	5,134 Magic Candles	Aphrodome (Lvl 10 - Love)	0.64×
Acquaintance	43.116 × 1015 (43.116 Quadrillion)	5,192,003 CD	3,152 Enchanted Scarf	Lvl 66 Suave	0.80×
Friendzoned	183.482 × 1015 (183.482 Quadrillion)	1,162,001 Magical Locket	537 Bewitched Jam	41 Moonlight Stroll	0.96×
Awkward Besties	361.953 × 1015 (361.953 Quadrillion)	9,271,996 Witch Hat	211 Mystic Slippers	41 Beach	1.12×
Crush	625.810 × 1015 (625.810 Quadrillion)	12,191,997 Ocean Pendant	1,827 Bewitched Jam	41 Sightseeing	1.28×
Sweetheart	943.180 × 1015 (943.180 Quadrillion)	9,281,998 Mini Monster	151 Mystic Slippers	41 Movie Theater	1.44×
Girlfriend	1.29384 × 1018 (~1.29 Quintillion)	3,071,992 Rose	761 Mystic Slippers	All Hobbies Lvl 75	1.60×
Lover	You did it!

Adversary	Req.s	1.47 × 1015 (1.47 Quadrillion) Affection
		9,221,987 House
		1,002 Magic Candles
		Lvl 57 Smart
	Reward	0.32×
Nuisance	Req.s	2.81 × 1015 (2.81 Quadrillion) Affection
		9,171,991 Tools
		195 Enchanted Scarf
		Lvl 60 Lucky
	Reward	0.48×
Frenemy	Req.s	6.772 × 1015 (6.772 Quadrillion) Affection
		90,210 Sunglasses
		5,134 Magic Candles
		Aphrodome (Lvl 10 - Love)
	Reward	0.64×
Acquaintance	Req.s	43.116 × 1015 (43.116 Quadrillion) Affection
		5,192,003 CD
		3,152 Enchanted Scarf
		Lvl 66 Suave
	Reward	0.80×
Friendzoned	Req.s	183.482 × 1015 (183.482 Quadrillion) Affection
		1,162,001 Magical Locket
		537 Bewitched Jam
		41 Moonlight Stroll
	Reward	0.96×
Awkward Besties	Req.s	361.953 × 1015 (361.953 Quadrillion) Affection
		9,271,996 Witch Hat
		211 Mystic Slippers
		41 Beach
	Reward	1.12×
Crush	Req.s	625.810 × 1015 (625.810 Quadrillion) Affection
		12,191,997 Ocean Pendant
		1,827 Bewitched Jam
		41 Sightseeing
	Reward	1.28×
Sweetheart	Req.s	943.180 × 1015 (943.180 Quadrillion) Affection
		9,281,998 Mini Monster
		151 Mystic Slippers
		41 Movie Theater
	Reward	1.44×
Girlfriend	Req.s	1.29384 × 1018 (~1.29 Quintillion) Affection
		3,071,992 Rose
		761 Mystic Slippers
		All Hobbies Lvl 75
	Reward	1.60×
Lover	You did it!

Trivia

• Honey is a family-friendly fantasy TV show character that leans against the fourth wall.
• She has a magical troll called Fergel, that lives in her attic.
• She has a younger sister.
• She has literally jumped the shark.
• The name of the achievement for getting her to Sweetheart, "Got it Goin' On", is a reference to the song Stacy's Mom.
• The wand/"Honey Stick" she holds in her third photo is based on Sailor Moon's Crescent Moon Wand, and the teddy bear she holds appears to be inspired by the Care Bears.
• Her rival's name is Becky Brewner.
  • Her rival, Becky Brewner, may be a shout-out to the 80s sitcom Punky Brewster.

Gallery

• 
  "Tadaa! It's Honey!"
• 
  "This was what my #1 dream would have looked like..."
• 
  Mobile Vers.
• 
  "Here you go! I had a little EXTRA help from my favorite "magic wand" "Honey Stick", back from my awkward teen years."
• 
  Mobile Vers.
• 
  "Here you go :)"
• 
  "Here I am again, for your viewing pleasure ;)"
• 
  "Please be nice!"

• 
  Encounter
• 
  Encounter
• 
  Friendzoned
• 
  Sweetheart
• 
  Lover
• 
  Moonlight Stroll Date
• 
  Beach Date
• 
  Sightseeing Date
• 
  Movie Theater Date

Dates (Time Warp Event)

• 
  Time Warp Moonlight Stroll Date
• 
  Time Warp Beach Date
• 
  Time Warp Sightseeing Date
• 
  Time Warp Movie Date

• 
  Encounter
• 
  Mad
• 
  Harassed
• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Mobile

• 
  Encounter
• 
  Mad
• 
  Harassed
• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Holiday Outfit

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

School Uniform

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Bathing Suit

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Diamond Ring

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Sprites - DX Wedding Dress

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Holiday Outfit

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

School Uniform

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Bathing Suit

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Diamond Ring

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

Deluxe Wedding Dress

• 
  Neutral
• 
  Happy
• 
  Tickled
• 
  Likes You
• 
  Likes You LOTS

• 
  Moonlight Stroll
• 
  Beach
• 
  Sightseeing
• 
  Movie Theater