Alfie

Alfie is a billionaire genius who builds planet-saving tech. He contacts you to find out how you managed to breach Leo's security protocols. His phone fling is unlocked after receiving Leo's third picture.

Personality

Messages

Note that pauses under 5 minutes long are not indicated. Where the progress column says (A) or (B), these are your left and right options for how to respond.

SFW Version

Progress	SFW chat
1/26	Hey there. How's it going?
2/26	So you're not like a super villain or anything are you?
(A)	I... I don't think so.
(B)	More of an anti-hero, I would say.
3/26	Hmm... That does sound like something a super villain would say, though. Right?	Oh interesting. Slightly elevated sarcasm. Quick retort indicates charming cleverness.
4/26	I mean, asking someone if they're a super villain is a lot like asking them if they're asleep.	And your psyche work up does indicate a decent Angst stat.
5/26	They can't say yes. That's just math.	This is excellent data, thank you.
6/26	My name is Alfie, by the way. Nice to meet you.
7/26	I'm one of those billionaire genius types you hear about on the internet.
8/26	But instead of electric cars or social media dumpsters, I build superheroes.
(A)	Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(B)	That's... nice. Sorry, I'm not totally sure how to respond to that.
9/26	Ah, nice. Sagan. Good choice.
10/26	Does this sound familiar...
11/26	"LAUNCH LEO.EXE?"
12/26	"Apologies, Master. I will defeat the incoming danger before conversing with you further."
13/26	"And my clothes are starting to tear from the impact of battle."
(A)	Oh my gosh, that's stuff LEO said! Is he okay?
(B)	Spicy stuff.
14/26	Oh, for sure. Don't worry. He gets destroyed practically every battle. It's a thing with him.	Hahaha! It is! The whole conversation has a decent Scoville rating, to be honest.
15/26	LEO's doing great. I'm just trying to figure out how you managed to breach his security protocols.
16/26	As you can imagine - having my $5 billion cyborg superhero / sexy butler get hijacked raises concerns.
(A)	I didn't mean to... do that stuff. It just seemed to happen.
(B)	Wait, what was that 'butler' part?
17/26	Hmmm...	Well, I mean...
18/26	You might be a code R34, maybe? You do have an unusually high Luck rating...	Picture him in a bowtie, and I think your questions are answered.
19/26	Well, regardless of the highjack, LEO's been going on and on about you since we discovered what happened.
20/26	He really likes you.
21/26	So I wanted to see if you were a bad guy. Someone with a grudge, or a secret plan for world domination.
(A)	And you figured I would just tell you if you asked?
(B)	So wait, you're actually a genius inventor person? You're not pulling my leg?
22/26	Sure. Supervillains are always looking to talk about their evil plans.	I don't pull legs, unless asked nicely.
23/26	If you poke the bear, sometimes they just can't help but sue your pants off. Or whatever bears do.	Or in a mean way too, I suppose. It's a spur of the moment kind of thing.
24/26	But legit - genius superhero inventor.
25/26	Check my current view.
26/26	[Alfie Photo 1]
1/25	You can't hear it, but my theme music is playing.
(A)	I guess you're more of a 'PC' guy, rather than console.
(B)	WHOA! That's a lot of tech!
2/25	Nah. I get'em all. I build my own. I cross-play with the best of them.	This is actually just my bathroom.
3/25	Need a mouse for FPS, though. If you disagree, fight me.	Kidding, of course. My bathroom is posh as hell though.
4/25	Yeah, I'm part of a 'secret' organization of superheroes that defend the world from major disasters.
5/25	I'm sure you got the jist from LEO though.
6/25	I'm the guy that does the 'mech, tech, write the cheque' stuff.
(A)	Sounds like exciting work!
(B)	Must keep you busy.
7/25	If climactic battles and emotionally stirring death scenes are your thing, it's hella exciting.	Yes and no. It seems like the threats are pretty evenly paced. A couple a year.
8/25	The trick is keeping up enthusiasm on your 23rd adventure. But so far so good.	Almost like the bad guys are trying to avoid 'action fatigue' or something.
9/25	But we do our best to also do the downtime thing. Get enough R&R. Etc.
10/25	Hey - according to your file it says that you save people from 'curses' or something? Is that true?
(A)	Sort of. I save people by going on dates and kissing and junk.
(B)	It is. Though it's a long story. Likely a few weeks of gameplay, actually.
11/25	That's solid. We mostly do punching over here -it's nice to hear there are other options for solving problems out there.	Interesting. That just makes me even more curious.
12/25	If you're saving people, though, maybe you should consider joining our superhero team.
13/25	Do you have a hero name or anything you go by?
(A)	I mean, a lot of people seem to like calling me "Marshmallow".
(B)	The Blusher.
14/25	Nice. That name summons up images of sweetness, softness, oddly androgynous-ness...	Hahaha! Fantastic!
15/25	Makes me want to stick you in some hot cocoa and sit by the fire. That's an ace name.	I once tried to get HQ to refer to me as 'Grower-not-Shower' but they thought that was unprofessional.
16/25	With a name like that, you're already ahead of 90% of the other heroes, in terms of marketability.
17/25	Seriously, we have one gal called, "Bald Cloak". Her gimmick is she's bald, I guess?
18/25	In any case, what do you say? Want to be a superhero? This is officially a recruitment call now.
(A)	It sounds kinda dangerous...
(B)	I'm listening...
19/25	Oh it is, but there are perks to offset that stuff.	Nice. Negotiation mode activated.
20/25	Heroes are paid well (if they like money). They get top billing at celebrity functions. VIP treatment.
21/25	Master trained chefs, free luxury housing, a fleet of cars.
22/25	We've got world class recreational facilities too, including spas.
23/25	Hold on, I'll send you a pic from my latest de-toxi-dip.
Pause	1 day pause
24/25	Look at how relaxed I look.
25/25	[Alfie Photo 2]
1/29	Ready for another day of saving the world.
(A)	Looks like a fun place to 'mingle' with coworkers.
(B)	Well THAT'S a revealing pose.
2/29	If by 'mingle' you mean - 'peeking under the cape' then yeah.	Yeah - I managed to find a towel just before this was taken.
3/29	But it's a good vibe. Everyone is chill and respectful.	The dress code around here is a bit on the...
4/29	Except me. I'm always up to no good. Watch out for that guy.	Well, let's just say superheroes look good. And they look better with less.
5/29	So have I convinced you?
(A)	I mean.. I'm more 'dating sim' than 'action adventure'...
(B)	I could use more convincing.
6/29	Hey, I hear you. I have the luxury of leading from behind the lines.	Alright, let's see what else I can dig up.
7/29	But it's not like we'll send you up against a kaiju level threat or anything.	I'm actually more used to having people say, "Make me a hero! I'll join!"
8/29	Unless that would work. Do your love powers work on giant monster?	This is refreshing. You've got a 'lead character' vibe I'm liking.
9/29	Actually, nevermind. Insurance nightmare.	Just don't go sacrificing yourself to save the world or anything. Seems to be a common hazard for those types.
10/29	Well, one other perk I could sell you on is me.
11/29	I'd hang out with you. Be nice. Rub your feet.
(A)	Tempting... Genius billionaires are oddly appealing, for some reason.
(B)	Unexpected answer.
12/29	For sure. At least that's what I've heard.	Unexpected is kind of my MO.
13/29	Going over your conversation with LEO, I was pleasantly surprised with how you handles it.
14/29	It's obvious you cared about his situation right away. You showed real empathy and concern.
15/29	It's a great quality. Cool under pressure. Supportive. Loving, even.
16/29	We could use a lot more of that around here.
(A)	Okay, but that doesn't fully explain what you meant.
(B)	I mean, I was just nice to LEO. He was cool. And muscle-y.
17/29	For sure. Getting to that.	TBH I made him pretty much exactly what I find dreamy.
18/29	You're sharp.	He's hard to say no to.
19/29	Anyway, we have a lot of heroes in the field, but not a lot of solid people running intelligence back at base.
20/29	Mostly me. Robots. A talking dog. A ghost. An alien fish.
21/29	So when I'm running missions, I would love to have a charming, tender voice running support with me.
(A)	You're saying you're lonely?
(B)	Aww. Alfie has a heart.
22/29	Nah. Not like that. I'd just love a witty, attractive person to play off of.	That's the rumor.
23/29	And you come with impeccable qualifications.	Also, it's no fun flirting with the ghost or the robots. And the alien fish is a snob.
24/29	What do you say?
(A)	I'll consider your pitch.
(B)	I think I need just a little more convincing...
25/29	Hmm. I'm used to more 'snap' decisions, so I must not be doing a good job.	Say no more.
26/29	Hold on a bit - I'll throw one more perk into the pot.
27/29	Be right back.
Pause	2 day pause
28/29	Okay, here you go.
29/29	[Alfie Photo 3]
1/∞	I'll build you your own jetpack, and we'll go on adventures.
2/∞	How's that for a sales pitch?
(A)	SOLD!
(B)	Hahaha! Okay, okay, good pitch.
3/∞	Hahaha! Wonderful.	Excellent. Thank you for your patience.
4/∞	That's the answer I was looking for, thanks.	A little off my game, but we got there.
5/∞	I honestly should have started with the jetpack.
6/∞	The jetpack always works.
7/∞	Okay, but in all seriousness, give the superhero thing consideration.
8/∞	I can tell you're a force for good in the world. And even if you're not officially a hero, I know you'll still be helping people.
9/∞	So either way, you're in my good book. I'm writing your name as we speak.
(A)	You're in my good book too.
(B)	A book? Shouldn't you use, like, a data pad or something?
10/∞	I'm glad to hear it. I tend to spend a lot of time on the naughty list.	Some things demand an analog solution.
11/∞	Alright, give it thought. And maybe we'll chat again.
12/∞	Thanks for the chat. Highlight of my week.
13/∞	Take it easy.
14/∞	Over and out.

Uncut Version

The NSFW track diverges from the SFW track with your response to his first photo. All three pictures are different between versions.

Progress	"Uncut" chat
1/26	Hey there. How's it going?
2/26	So you're not like a super villain or anything are you?
(A)	I... I don't think so.
(B)	More of an anti-hero, I would say.
3/26	Hmm... That does sound like something a super villain would say, though. Right?	Oh interesting. Slightly elevated sarcasm. Quick retort indicates charming cleverness.
4/26	I mean, asking someone if they're a super villain is a lot like asking them if they're asleep.	And your psyche work up does indicate a decent Angst stat.
5/26	They can't say yes. That's just math.	This is excellent data, thank you.
6/26	My name is Alfie, by the way. Nice to meet you.
7/26	I'm one of those billionaire genius types you hear about on the internet.
8/26	But instead of electric cars or social media dumpsters, I build superheroes.
(A)	Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(B)	That's... nice. Sorry, I'm not totally sure how to respond to that.
9/26	Ah, nice. Sagan. Good choice.
10/26	Does this sound familiar...
11/26	"LAUNCH LEO.EXE?"
12/26	"Apologies, Master. I will defeat the incoming danger before conversing with you further."
13/26	"And my clothes are starting to tear from the impact of battle."
(A)	Oh my gosh, that's stuff LEO said! Is he okay?
(B)	Spicy stuff.
14/26	Oh, for sure. Don't worry. He gets destroyed practically every battle. It's a thing with him.	Hahaha! It is! The whole conversation has a decent Scoville rating, to be honest.
15/26	LEO's doing great. I'm just trying to figure out how you managed to breach his security protocols.
16/26	As you can imagine - having my $5 billion cyborg superhero / sexy butler get hijacked raises concerns.
(A)	I didn't mean to... do that stuff. It just seemed to happen.
(B)	Wait, what was that 'butler' part?
17/26	Hmmm...	Well, I mean...
18/26	You might be a code R34, maybe? You do have an unusually high Luck rating...	Picture him in a bowtie, and I think your questions are answered.
19/26	Well, regardless of the highjack, LEO's been going on and on about you since we discovered what happened.
20/26	He really likes you.
21/26	So I wanted to see if you were a bad guy. Someone with a grudge, or a secret plan for world domination.
(A)	And you figured I would just tell you if you asked?
(B)	So wait, you're actually a genius inventor person? You're not pulling my leg?
22/26	Sure. Supervillains are always looking to talk about their evil plans.	I don't pull legs, unless asked nicely.
23/26	If you poke the bear, sometimes they just can't help but sue your pants off. Or whatever bears do.	Or in a mean way too, I suppose. It's a spur of the moment kind of thing.
24/26	But legit - genius superhero inventor.
25/26	Check my current view.
26/26	[NSFW Photo]
1/25	You can't hear it, but my theme music is playing.
(A)	What's going on with that screen behind you?
(B)	You're cute. If I say I'm a super villain, would you come get me?
2/25	It's porn. I watch porn at work.	Probably. Do you have a cute animal theme? Or are you more of a 'nutsack chin' type?
3/25	Keeps the edge on. Reminds me why I like saving the world.	Not hating on either, btw. Just thinking out loud here.
4/25	And just so it's said, I'm flexible. I'll join any "superhero crossover", you know what I mean?
5/25	Psychic gals, cyborg guys, strangely androgynous aliens.
6/25	I'm the guy that does the 'mech, tech, write the cheque' stuff.
(A)	Sounds like exciting work!
(B)	Must keep you busy.
7/25	If climactic battles and emotionally stirring death scenes are your thing, it's hella exciting.	Yes and no. It seems like the threats are pretty evenly paced. A couple a year.
8/25	The trick is keeping up enthusiasm on your 23rd adventure. But so far so good.	Almost like the bad guys are trying to avoid 'action fatigue' or something.
9/25	But we do our best to also do the downtime thing. Get enough R&R. Etc.
10/25	Hey - according to your file it says that you save people from 'curses' or something? Is that true?
(A)	Sort of. I save people by going on dates and kissing and junk.
(B)	It is. Though it's a long story. Likely a few weeks of gameplay, actually.
11/25	That's solid. We mostly do punching over here -it's nice to hear there are other options for solving problems out there.	Interesting. That just makes me even more curious.
12/25	If you're saving people, though, maybe you should consider joining our superhero team.
13/25	Do you have a hero name or anything you go by?
(A)	I mean, a lot of people seem to like calling me "Marshmallow".
(B)	The Blusher.
14/25	Nice. That name summons up images of sweetness, softness, oddly androgynous-ness...	Hahaha! Fantastic!
15/25	Makes me want to stick you in some hot cocoa and sit by the fire. That's an ace name.	I once tried to get HQ to refer to me as 'Grower-not-Shower' but they thought that was unprofessional.
16/25	With a name like that, you're already ahead of 90% of the other heroes, in terms of marketability.
17/25	Seriously, we have one gal called, "Bald Cloak". Her gimmick is she's bald, I guess?
18/25	In any case, what do you say? Want to be a superhero? This is officially a recruitment call now.
(A)	It sounds kinda dangerous...
(B)	I'm listening...
19/25	Oh it is, but there are perks to offset that stuff.	Nice. Negotiation mode activated.
20/25	Heroes are paid well (if they like money). They get top billing at celebrity functions. VIP treatment.
21/25	Master trained chefs, free luxury housing, a fleet of cars.
22/25	We've got world class recreational facilities too, including spas.
23/25	Hold on, I'll send you a pic from my latest de-toxi-dip.
Pause	1 day pause
24/25	Look at how relaxed I look.
25/25	[NSFW Photo]
1/29	Excuse the full frontal. The dress code is set to 'sultry' right now.
(A)	Water must be warm...
(B)	I mean, how do I say no to that?
2/29	Yeah, It's perfect. And it's cleaned hourly, in case heroes get more 'personal'.	I know - the water is stellar.
3/29	It's honestly kind of an orgy magnet around here, but the atmosphere is relaxed and non-aggressive.	Oh, you meant me. Well thanks! But please note I'm not even in the top 10 around here for Buff Stat.
4/29	Superheroes just like getting it on.	LEO is though. Guy is cut. I know - because I cut him myself.
5/29	So have I convinced you?
(A)	I mean.. I'm more 'dating sim' than 'action adventure'...
(B)	I could use more convincing.
6/29	Hey, I hear you. I have the luxury of leading from behind the lines.	Alright, let's see what else I can dig up.
7/29	But it's not like we'll send you up against a kaiju level threat or anything.	I'm actually more used to having people say, "Make me a hero! I'll join!"
8/29	Unless that would work. Do your love powers work on giant monster?	This is refreshing. You've got a 'lead character' vibe I'm liking.
9/29	Actually, nevermind. Insurance nightmare.	Just don't go sacrificing yourself to save the world or anything. Seems to be a common hazard for those types.
10/29	Well, one other perk I could sell you on is me.
11/29	I'd hang out with you. Be nice. Rub your feet.
(A)	Tempting... Genius billionaires are oddly appealing, for some reason.
(B)	Unexpected answer.
12/29	For sure. At least that's what I've heard.	Unexpected is kind of my MO.
13/29	Going over your conversation with LEO, I was pleasantly surprised with how you handles it.
14/29	It's obvious you cared about his situation right away. You showed real empathy and concern.
15/29	It's a great quality. Cool under pressure. Supportive. Loving, even.
16/29	We could use a lot more of that around here.
(A)	Okay, but that doesn't fully explain what you meant.
(B)	I mean, I was just nice to LEO. He was cool. And muscle-y.
17/29	For sure. Getting to that.	TBH I made him pretty much exactly what I find dreamy.
18/29	You're sharp.	He's hard to say no to.
19/29	Anyway, we have a lot of heroes in the field, but not a lot of solid people running intelligence back at base.
20/29	Mostly me. Robots. A talking dog. A ghost. An alien fish.
21/29	So when I'm running missions, I would love to have a charming, tender voice running support with me.
(A)	You're saying you're lonely?
(B)	Aww. Alfie has a heart.
22/29	Nah. Not like that. I'd just love a witty, attractive person to play off of.	That's the rumor.
23/29	And you come with impeccable qualifications.	Also, it's no fun flirting with the ghost or the robots. And the alien fish is a snob.
24/29	What do you say?
(A)	I'll consider your pitch.
(B)	I think I need just a little more convincing...
25/29	Hmm. I'm used to more 'snap' decisions, so I must not be doing a good job.	Say no more.
26/29	Hold on a bit - I'll throw one more perk into the pot.
27/29	Be right back.
Pause	2 day pause
28/29	Okay, here you go.
29/29	[NSFW Photo]
1/∞	I'll build you your own jetpack, and we'll go on sexy, naked adventures.
2/∞	How's that for a sales pitch?
(A)	Can...Can you do it with someone... Mid-air?
(B)	Things are looking up, I see.
3/∞	That's exactly the sort of question that demands empirical testing.	Oh yeah, inventing crap makes me hard.
4/∞	I love science.	Which is often. So it's a bit of an occupational hazard.
5/∞	I honestly should have started with the jetpack.
6/∞	The jetpack always works.
7/∞	Okay, but in all seriousness, give the superhero thing consideration.
8/∞	I can tell you're a force for good in the world. And even if you're not officially a hero, I know you'll still be helping people.
9/∞	So either way, you're in my good book. I'm writing your name as we speak.
(A)	You're in my good book too.
(B)	A book? Shouldn't you use, like, a data pad or something?
10/∞	I'm glad to hear it. I tend to spend a lot of time on the naughty list.	Some things demand an analog solution.
11/∞	Alright, give it thought. And maybe we'll chat again.
12/∞	Thanks for the chat. Highlight of my week.
13/∞	Take it easy.
14/∞	Over and out.

Vote-a-Fling Placements

Alfie's placements in each season of Vote-a-Fling.

Season	Vote Count	Placement	Season's Winner
Season 1	328	14th out of 20	Poe
Season 2	388	14th out of 19	Cashew
Season 3	345	14th out of 18	Seth
Season 4	355	15th out of 17	Logan
Season 5	395	13th out of 16	Reece
Season 6	351	14th out of 15	Ace
Season 7	TBA	TBA	TBA

In Crush Crush

During Caitlin's second phone fling conversation, she mentions that her talent agent has booked her for a high-end modeling job with a fancy company, where she is modelling new swimwear. She adds that the designer’s work emphasizes the human body as an art form rather than the clothing itself.

In her third phone-fling conversation, Caitlin reveals that the designer is Alfie. Although she was initially unaware of his significance, she soon learns that he is a “great big, giant, world-renowned, household-name kind of deal,” with connections across fashion, technology, fine art, superheroes, music, and Hollywood.