Sven

Sven is an exclusive guy available as a DLC bundle that can be purchased for $5. He is the thirteenth guy in the game's main tab, but he is not part of the main story and you do not need to unlock any other guys to obtain him. Along with his purchase, you'll unlock a new game mechanic called "Speed Dating". This allows you to instantly fill Gift and Date requirements at the press of a button, provided you have enough money/time blocks available.

Personality

Sven is socially awkward. Similar to Anon, he is ‘chronically online’ and tends to make a lot of awkward pop culture references and memes to hide his awkwardness. He is also very bright, bubbly and well humored. Sven seems to be more direct and speaks his mind. He seems to think highly of himself and describes himself as attractive.

Dialogue List

First Meeting

One day, while looking for your slippers you hear a teeny tiny knock on the door. When you open it, you see an adorable and smarmy hedgehog standing on your front step. Something tells you this is no normal hedgehog.
"Why hello there! My name is Sven, and I'm a cursed boy! But I wasn't cursed by you - I got sucked into the internet and turned into a fast hedgehog! F me, right?"
"I heard you were breaking curses, and I want to get in on that action. In exchange, I'm prepared to teach you the secrets to hedgehog speed dating. Wow! 'What a deal!' I hear you say! So we good? Want to help a hedgehog out, and get super powers in return?"
You think about it for all of 2 seconds before you agree, raising a triumphant fist. Sven raises his in return, "Oh yes! Knuckle bump! Let's fricken do this!" Looks like you're becoming a bit of a curse-breaking expert!

Adversary

Pop-up Dialogue

Ba ba ba! Watch out! I'm gonna poke you!

Talk

Even though this isn't your fault, I feel like I should pretend it is. Given your track record, I say that gives me the highest chance for success.
Figures. I get turned into a hedgehog, and people are still more worried about my digital pet cat. The internet is a hard tuxedo to wear sometimes.
Gotta go fast! Hahaha! Do you see what I did there? I made a reference to the vidya games. How topical Sven! Thank you Sven!
Haaaaaaaaa! That's my battle cry! You don't want to mess with me!
My only hope in all of this is that somehow, someone somewhere turns this into a meme. Then the circle will be complete, and my soul

Poke

STOP! No Touchy!

Gift

[Unavailable]

Upgrade to Acquaintance

Alright, we're off to a great start! At least I assume so, because I can't even tell how any of this works. You're not trolling me right?
I mean, if you are, fair play. But I'm going to gently remind you that I am covered in pokies now. I would tread carefully.

Acquaintance

Pop-up Dialogue

Hedgehogs are fricken useless. What can they do? Run fast and turn into werewolves? Can you even milk a hedgehog? Ugh!

Talk

Someone mistook me for a cartoon mascot, and now they're trying to cancel me on Twitter. I'm getting hit with hashtags everyday. #brutal!
I'm trying to figure out the best way to take advantage of my transformation. Right now my list says, "Hide in stuff" and "Poke people". I wish television hadn't destroyed my imagination
Help me practice my hedgehog spin dash attack. I'm having a lot of trouble pulling it off right now. It's like vidya games have taught me the wrong stuff all these years.
I've been collecting gold rings all day. The police are looking for me. Nobody can take a joke these days.
Have you ever heard of the hedgehog's dilemma? It is a paradox of the highest caliber. It goes like this: Hedgehog pokey pokey. Don't touch it.

Poke

[Same as Adversary]

Gift

[Unavailable]

Upgrade to Frenemy

Are you sure you know what you're doing? I mean, I'm not one to pass judgement on strange talents. I still can't quite explain my entire life. But I'm also not totally convinced you're not a crazy person.
Oh you think I'm a crazy person? Well fair enough! Proceed, you crazy diamond.
[With 'Friend' picture] On one of your many hourly journey through the park, Sven tugs on your pant leg and asks you to lift him into frame. "Hi," he says. "I wanted to tell you that we're friends. Because that's how people know they're friends. Fantastic! Okay put me down." You do so. The rest of the walk is uneventful.

Frenemy

Pop-up Dialogue

Do-dooo doo dooo doo doo doooo... I like green hills, don't you?

Talk

[Same as Acquaintance]

Poke

[Same as Acquaintance]

Gift

Thank you! I know just where I'm going to put this! Do you have a shovel?

Upgrade to Friendzone

Just so we're clear - if I'm stuck as a hedgehog, I'm going to get me a little shoe box. I'm going to line it with fuzzy mittens and dryer lint. And I'm going to put it next to your bed so I can stare at you in the night.
That's not a threat. that's a very normal thing to do in my culture. Don't be so closed minded.

Friendzone

Pop-up Dialogue

Gotta go fast! Or slow. Whatever. I'm easy.

Talk

Aww! I want to glue tails onto your butt and call you my best friend! Sorry, did I say I "want" to do that? I meant to say I "have" done that! Yay! Friend!
Ow! I keep poking myself in the eye with my own quill, trying to see my tail. I do have a tail right? I have to know. I'm not joking here.
Haters gonna hate. Hedgehogs gonna hog. Or hedge? Wait - why the hell are they called hedgehogs? What genius was in charge of that decision?
I wonder if hedgehogs can grow beards. I mean, I've never seen one do that. But, generally speaking, I feel like I can do whatever I put my mind to.
I keep forgetting that I need much less caffeine for the same kick. I chugged a latte yesterday, and woke up on my roof wearing a single heel. That hedgehog life, you know?
People say mean things about me. And when they do, I put them on a list. Soon I will take this list... And make fun of them on the internet!

Poke

[Same as Frenemy]

Gift

[Same as Frenemy]

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

You're saying we have to do the smoochy smooch now? But what about the cooties?
Just joking. I'm trying to make this as cringy as possible. That's my real defense mechanism. Okay enough talk - kiss me!
[With 'Kiss' picture] You smooch Sven's scary hedgehog mouth, and aren't sure if it worked for a moment. But the kiss suddenly becomes less prickly, and you see he's mostly back to normal. "Holy frick! I didn't think that was going to work. Good job! You get an upvote from me for sure." Then he boops your nose.

Awkward Besties

Pop-up Dialogue

I am so much happier now! Except that I'm a freak. But now I don't have to pee-pee into newspaper. So we're talking major upgrade.

Talk

At least people aren't calling me "Sanic" online anymore. They don't realize how hurtful it can be to be called a word slightly different than another word. When will this cruelty end?
I forgot that I wear clothes again. I went to the store in the buff, as they say. For some reason, no one cared. I guess my reputation preceded me.
I met a smaller version of myself from the past, and went on an adventure. It was actually a decent experience. Highlight of the franchise, really.
I'm going to miss the super speed. But I'm not going to miss being harassed by that rotund scientist in the egg-ocopter. I'm at least breaking even here.
Oh hey, I didn't see you there in front of me looking really cool and attractive. What's up? Doing anything? Me neither. Let's do nothing together.
My father always said to me, "Son - don't get turned into an animal." If only I had listened to him. He also told me I could have his dead batteries "Free of charge". That's why I don't listen to him.
Want me to run to the store and grab some milk? How about a fine baguette? I'm bad at gift giving. Give me a frickin clue here.
Your speed training is coming along nicely. Soon you will be fast enough to run from all of life's problems. Doesn't that sound nice?

Poke

STOP! No tickling!

Gift

Oh, thank you so much. I already have a bunch of these, but I've been meaning to stock up. You're an absolute unit.

Upgrade to Crush

You're doing great! Can I get you an energy drink? How about a subscription to Odd-ible?
No - I was not paid to offer you those things. Don't be silly. Now excuse me while I drink this refreshing can of Danish Sparkling Water...

Crush

Pop-up Dialogue

I see your powers of speed dating are as powerful as mine. You have learned much my apprentice.

Talk

[Same as Awkward Besties]

Poke

[Same as Awkward Besties]

Gift

Awww. Good jorb. That's a knuckle bump.

Upgrade to Sweetheart

I like you. You make me think of sunsets and rainbows. I'm going to make t-shirts with your face on them.
I'm sorry. I don't know how else to express my enthusiasm for something than putting it on my clothes.

Sweetheart

Pop-up Dialogue

I'm going to drink this slushie and give myself a brain freeze. I don't remember why, but it's too late to turn back. Grab the camera and let's do this!

Talk

[Same as Crush]

Poke

[Same as Crush]

Gift

[Same as Crush]

Upgrade to Boyfriend

You are my sweetheart. And by that, I mean your internal organs are probably coated in honey.
This compliment worked a lot better in my brain. Hmm.

Boyfriend

Pop-up Dialogue

I just read a fanfic where the hedgehog version of myself makes out with the human version of myself. That's enough internet for today.

Talk

Hey. You're neat. I wanna do stuff with you that is embarrassing to talk about. (Oh yeah. Smooth moves, Sven!)
I like your tushy. And everything above and below that. Great job. 10/10. Would date again.
Just so you know - you have resting beach face. At rest, your face looks like fun in the sun. This compliment was brought to you by sleep deprivation.
Last week I asked you to turn me back into a human. And you have mostly delivered. Good job! Knuckle bump. Kiss kiss.
Want to grab a bottle of wine, snuggle up on the couch, and review some spicy memes with me? My treat!

Poke

STOP! Just joking. Keep going. The 'STOP' thing is just a force of habit.

Gift

You make me feel special feelings in my tummy. Also in other body parts. Like my elbows. What did you think I was going to say?

Upgrade to Lover

Things are going well! I've made a great new friend, and I've stopped finding quills in my underwear. Win win!
Can you say, "Golden Age of Sven?" Because I can. In fact... I just DID.
[With 'Transformation' picture] One day, Sven looks over at you and says, "You are ready." He then gives you a small soft kiss, and.. there's a magical explosion! As he leaps to his feet he yells, "YESSSS! EEEEASY! WE BREAK THE CURSE EEEEEASY!!"
[With 'Lover' picture]"I wasn't sure what to get your for your birthday. Maybe a shirt with my face on it, or several balloons or whatever. But then I decided to get you what I get all of my friends and loved ones - a picture of me in my underwear. I know you will cherish it forever, as I cherish you. Okay bye." Love Sven <3

Sex Scene

One day, Sven looks over at you and says, "You are ready." He then gives you a small soft kiss, and.. there's a magical explosion! As he leaps to his feet, his Swedish 'Ikea' blowing in the wind, he yells, "YESSSS! EEEEASY! WE BREAK THE CURSE EEEEEASY!!"
You and Sven begin to kiss and touch each other. His cock swells in your hand, while his own hands pull your clothes away. It's all kind of weird and wonderful. His breath tickles your skin as he kisses your neck, licks your tummy, until he presses himself inside you and it all builds into an incredible crescendo of pleasure.
After, he laughs softly to himself, and can't help but smile a goofy grin. "You know, I spend so much time just trying to goof around and be silly, I can forget to share my real feelings. You're cool, and I'm glad we're a thing. I hope we can stay a thing. Okay, more smoochies..."

Lover

Pop-up Dialogue

Hey! No regrets!

Talk

[Same as Boyfriend]

Poke

[Same as Boyfriend]

Gift

[Same as Boyfriend]

Upgrade to Max Lover

Ahh yes, there you are. Come give us a kiss kiss. You're such a cutie, I could pinch you.
OUCH! Sorry, I pinched myself. Why didn't anyone tell me those hurt? I've been pinching everyone like some sort of jack-butt!

Max Lover (Lover+)

Pop-up Dialogue

Hey! There's Sven! Let's kiss him! Oooh la la!
STOP! That's far enough. I need you long enough for an awkward hug and an unusually long kiss.
I've been thinking about growing a beard. Also becoming a reclusive billionaire. I think it would suit me.
Today I tried to spindash, and plowed into a wall. I think there might still be some hedgehog in my brain.
Oh, good, you're here! I need your opinion. Should I buy one of those tortilla blankets? I kind of want to know what it feels like to be a burrito.
(Naked) Fun fact! The name "Sven" means, Nice ass! No it doesn't. Why am I lying?
(Naked) They were going to censor me but couldn't find a censor bar big enough.
(Naked) My ass is freezing.

Talk

Luckily, I don't need quills to protect me. I have the internet for that. Nothing keeps you safe like complete and utter isolation from all humans. What a time to be alive.
I feel like you don't appreciate how nice your tushy is. It's on my Top 10 list. And to keep you in suspense, I'm not going to tell you where on the list it is.
I don't know how to say this. I love you. Oh wait, I did know how to say this. Funny.
Normally, I would sweep you off your feet and whisk you away on a romantic getaway. But I'm bad at sweeping. So instead here's a gift card for chalupas. You deserve it.
Let's fly away to a far off land for mysterious adventures. Like Japan. Or Canada. Crazy old Canada.
I just want to say... You're super neat. Enough said. I'll leave it at that.
I would walk 500 miles. And I would walk 500 more. That's over 1600 kilometers. Hell yes! Metric!
I've invented a new way to smooch. It involves going in for the kiss, and then blowing into the person's nose last minute. I've done this because I'm a monster.
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me... and secretly plot your revenge? I have to ask. This is serious.
I miss having quills. It made it much easier to win arguments. I would say, "I paid that bill." And they would say, "No." And I would quill them. This is what we call a pro gamer move.
You are like icing on top of my butterkaka. That's not a dirty word. You're googling it, aren't you?
I have brought you some Swedish meatballs. And no, that's not a double entendre. I don't even know what those words mean.
Give me a hug! You're not likely to get poked now. Except for this cactus in my pocket. Watch out for that for sure.
(Naked) I know what you're thinking... You're thinking "I can clearly see your nuts." Haha! I'm funny!
(Naked) I hate the word "penis". It's an ugly word that makes you scrunch your nose when you say it. They should have called them, "Svens".
(Naked) It's chilly!
(Naked) Silly fool! You think I'm going to get chilly and beg for mercy? I'm from the land of ice and snow. The ice is in our veins. I'm like a frickin' snowman over here. Do your worst!
(Naked) It's super awkward being naked around people, hey? Like it's impossible to go to the bank without feeling kind of out of place. And then they bring you to jail, which is even worse.
(Naked) You'd better not be setting me up for some crazy hidden camera shenanigans. You can call me paranoid. But I'm the one blowing in the breeze over here.
(Naked) Okay, so I'm naked. Does this mean we're pregnant? I just suddenly realized I'm not fully up to date on how this stuff works.
(Naked) So why don't you get naked, and I'll draw us a bath... On this paper. With this pencil. HA! Word play!
(Naked) You're hilarious. You make me laugh. And mostly intentionally, I assume.

Poke

I don't laugh. It never happens. HAHAHAA! Just joking.
Oh ho ho! You think you can just tickle me with no retaliation? Prepare yourself. Revenge comes at midnight.
STOP! I am not a tickle pickle, and you are not clear for liftoff. ARGH! Your antics are making my commentary make less sense than usual.
(Naked) Uh oh. Your hands have touched my naked flesh. Now they are locked there for all eternity. I'm not even joking. I'm covered in super glue. This was a bad idea.
(Naked) You make sex weird. Oh wait, you're just tickling me? Never mind, keep going. I misread the situation.
(Naked) If you keep this up, I'm going to introduce you to Little Mr Sven. That's the name of my hamster. Don't ask - I'm bad at naming things.
(Naked) HEE HEE HEE! Stop, you're making me giggle!

Gift

I hope the proper response to a gift like this is making out. Because I think that's what's gonna happen here.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Okay sure. Summer days burn my delicate skin. You're far superior.
This is cute. But it pales in comparison to the cuteness of your face. So in the garbage it goes.
Aww, you're so sweet. So sweet, you have given me a cavity. Sven will remember this.
[Boxers] These are the latest in Canadian underwear technology. Soon Canada will take over the world. Then we'll ALL be sorry.
[Birthday Suit] Hmm. You are being very subtle. Is naked Sven supposed to be a clue for something?
[Spooky Outfit] Well, this costume is stupid. How am I supposed to scare crows, when I look this good? Curse my sexy body!
[Butler Outfit] Yes! It is I, Sven the Butler! Here to 'ler' all your butts! Haha! ... I'm going to be honest with you. I have no idea what a butler does. And judging by your face, I have guessed wrong.
[Masquerade Outfit] I LOVE masquerades! It's like Halloween and New Years Eve got together, had a few drinks, and smooshed into an even better celebration! Fun!
[Kigurumi Outfit] Ahh, perfect! In this hedgehog onesie, I'll be the fastest napper alive! Watch! *snore* DONE! *cough* Ow, I think I hurt myself...
[Summer Outfit] I am prepared for summer fun in the sun! Because nothing ruins a beautiful day at the beach like drowning. Phew, boy, let me tell ya.
[RPG Outfit] I hope this epic medieval adventure doesn't "drag-on". If we don't hurry, it could take all "knight". Hahaha! Aww come on! It's a "jester" joke!
[Kimono Outfit] Doumo arigato, Roboto san! Man, I am kawaii as frick in this outfit, desu. Look at these juicy meatballs. Come on! Let's go find other beautiful outfits to appropriate!
[Pirate Outfit] Behold! My authentic nordic pirate cosplay! Now my lush beard and I can pillage villages authentically. Wow! History is so violent and educational!

Upgrade to Lover+ (Endless)

Still going huh? Well, I'm cheering for you.
Yaaah! Keep going! Don't choke and fail!

Date Dialogue

Animal Version (Adversary to Friendzone)

[Dinner] I'm glad they served me chili dogs, and not chilly dogs. I hate homophones. Did you know they're one letter off from a hate crime?
[Boat Ride] Avast ye swabs! Captain Sven will make you walk the plank if you step to him! Or do a plank. Or something. Whatever. Pirates.
[Coaster] GOTTA! GO! FAAAAAAST!
[Carnival] Those damn animatronic b-words... Oh yes, we're quite familiar, they and I. But I refuse to be their puppet any longer...

Hybrid/Human Version (Awkward Besties to Lover)

[Dinner] That lasagna was delicious. It tasted a bit old, but I would say it still had a "classic" flavor. Still good.
[Boat Ride] I AM KING OF DUCKIES! MWA HA HA HA!!! QUACK!
[Coaster] That VR roller coaster felt so real! The barfing was especially authentic! Hahaha! Hilarious!
[Carnival] EASY! Getting through that haunted house was EASY!

Unlocked at Lover Level

[Masquerade] Be amazed! I brought my dancing legs! You have no idea how big a deal that is!

Dialogue About Cole

Hey! I found out that I'm allergic to being eaten by large predators. So I hope it doesn't happen. I'm just glad it's not peanuts. Peanuts are fricken delicious!
Oh yikes! I felt the icy cold hand of death touch me! But it touched me on my bottom, and now I'm strangely into it...
Quick! Turn me back into a hedgehog, so I can escape the one trying to kill me! Then turn me back into a real boy, so I can eat a hamburger, then... Hey! Write this down!
Someone changed my ringtone to the drowning music from the blue hedgehog game. I'M PANICKING! HELP!
I found my name written in toothpaste on my bathroom mirror. This is horrible! They wasted all my toothpaste! I always buy the fancy kind - how could they???
Did you leave a bloody knife on my kitchen counter last night? No? Then it must have been a bird or something. Birds are scary!

Requirements Table

Main article: Sven/Requirements.

Trivia

Sven makes multiple references to Sonic the Hedgehog:
- The "Gotta go fast" phrase
- Collecting gold rings
- Spin dash attack
- Cartoon mascot
- Knuckle bump and gluing tails onto your butt (Knuckles and Tails are characters in the Sonic series)
Sven's achievements make additional Sonic references, along with speedrunning references (completing a video game as quickly as possible).
Sven's occupation was previously listed as Danish in the beta version.
Sven is partly based on PewDiePie - he has dialogue referencing to: his Scandinavian heritage, Meme Review, and his name is the same as PewDiePie's dog in Minecraft, Sven.
When gifting Sven the Kigurumi outfit, Sven's in-game text dialogue still references that the onesie is blue, though this detail is cutout in the voice line.
- Current in-game text: "Ahh, perfect! In this blue hedgehog onesie, I'll be the fastest napper alive! Watch! *snore* DONE! *cough* Ow, I think I hurt myself..."