Ferris

Ferris is a phone fling guy and customer service rep for Crop Corp INC., who contacts you to complete a survey. He is unlocked when you reach Frenemy level with Anon.

Personality

Messages

Note that pauses under 1 minute long are not indicated. Where the progress column says (A) or (B), these are your left and right options for how to respond.

SFW Version

Progress	SFW chat
1/20	Hi there! My name is Ferris, and I'm a customer service rep with Crop Corp INC.
2/20	Our company motto is "We Give A Crop!" And it's true!
3/20	I'm reaching out to you today to see if you'll agree to take our survey!
4/20	Please say yes! I'm woefully behind on quotas, and I'm certain I'll be terminated soon if things don't improve!
5/20	Why am I telling you that? I have no idea! Pretty sure it's a mixture of fatigue and desperation!
6/20	So how about it? Reply YES to take our survey, and NO to crush all my hopes and dreams. Thanks!
(A)	Oh wow. You sound like you're in a worse pickle than me. YES.
(B)	I'm just testing what happens if I put both YES and NO in the same reply.
7/20	What?! Are you serious? You'll take the survey?	Hahaha! Well, you win our special "can't follow instructions" award!
8/20	Well hot dog! That's the best news I've heard since the lawsuit was dropped!	But since your reply contained the word "YES" first, I'm pretty sure I can make a case for not noticing the NO shortly after.
9/20	Whoops! TMI! Hahaha! Nevermind that!	So, on a complete technicality, here comes the survey!
10/20	Gosh this is exciting!
11/20	If I complete this survey, I'll qualify for basic health coverage. AND I'll get a new office chair. Wow!
12/20	Okay! Unless you have any questions, I'll jump right into the survey.
(A)	Well hold on. How do I know you're not a robot?
(B)	Just one quick one: are you a talking animal? It's relevant to my interests.
13/20	I... I suppose you don't!	As a matter of fact I am not! But thank you for asking!
14/20	And since you asked, it's probably a bit of a deal breaker, so...	Though Crop Corp does employ at least one gorilla in its HR department, I can assure you that Patricia is our only exception.
15/20	Oh! I have an idea!	Hmm, but I suppose you can't just take my word for it...
16/20	Here's what we'll do. I'll send you a photo of me to assure you that you're speaking to a human!
17/20	I mean - assuming my appearance doesn't repulse you and drive you away.
18/20	Sorry! :D That was needlessly pessimistic. I'm thinking much happier thoughts now!
19/20	Here you go!
26/26	[Ferris Photo 1]
1/31	There's Ferris! Eating his Daily Donut where Patricia from HR can see!
2/31	Patricia is on a diet, and hates it when she sees others enjoying food, because she's full of darkness!
3/31	Anyway - tangent! Will that photo suffice?
(A)	Looks good. REALLY good. You're a cutie Ferris.
(B)	I love those bedroom eyes. You're really digging that donut.
4/31	Oh! Well, thank you so much.	Oh, you don't know the half of it!
5/31	I would say that I work out every day, and mountain climb on weekends to stay in shape.	Crop Corp is a multinational conglomerate that specializes in "Near Food" experiences!
6/31	But that would be a bold faced lie! My genetics rescue me from all my bad decisions!	To compensate for a lack of "nutrition", they use "sugar science" to move their products.
7/31	Take that Patricia! You chair stealing hoarfrost queen!	That donut is so good, I would hypothetically commit crimes to get it!
8/31	Onto the survey!
9/31	How often would you say you consume food? Frequently, or sporadically?
(A)	There's only a few things I do as often as eat. And one of those I can't say in mixed company.
(B)	Umm... I eat at normal meal times... So...
10/31	HaHA! You and me both, sweetheart! Up top!	Excellent! Crop Corp wants me to make sure you're familiar with the concept of food.
11/31	(Don't worry - I high fived my own hand. You didn't leave me hanging.)	Given how asinine that question is, I assume an executive came up with it!
12/31	How 'organic' do you like your foods? Would you be satisfied with "nearly organic" substitutes?
(A)	I mean... My food should undergo "growth" at some point.
(B)	That sounds... yeah, the word I'm thinking of is "horrifying".
13/31	Ooh! What a sexy word that is! "Growth!"	Wonderful! Such an excellent use of the word!
14/31	Hold on, my co-worker is interrupting me...
Pause	12 hour pause
15/31	Sorry about that. I caught him yesterday going number two in the ladies room, and he wanted to defend his life choices.
16/31	He says it’s the one weird thing he does, but I’m not convinced.
17/31	Sorry! Usual office politics around here!
(A)	Your company sounds a bit… eccentric.
(B)	What were you doing in the ladies room?
18/31	Oh my, what a considerate description you’ve used!	I was hiding from another co-worker that wanted to give me a survey on legal and illegal drugs.
19/31	The marketing boys are going to practically “Crop their pants” when they hear that.	In my trade, we call that “surveying where you eat”. Which is a no no.
20/31	Anyway, let’s continue the survey!
21/31	Oh wait! It’s lunch time now!
22/31	I need to rush to get my lunch out of the common room fridge, before Patricia gets there.
23/31	She’s girthy, but she moves like a fiend at lunch.
24/31	Her heart is as calloused as her gnarled toes in those sandals of hers, so my food isn’t safe.
(A)	Yeah, go get it. I hate Patricia.
(B)	Go! I hate food thieves!
25/31	I’m so happy, you have no idea.	Oh my, we have so much in common!
26/31	BRB
Pause	24 hour pause
27/31	Okay, back in action.
28/31	Patricia is out sick, or building a tunnel web, or something.
29/31	So I got my food safe and sound.
30/31	Proof!
31/31	[Ferris Photo 2]
(A)	You really seem to be enjoying that banana…
(B)	That is the face of satisfaction.
1/36	Hee hee! Why, was that a note of innuendo I detected in your speech pattern?	That is the face of someone consuming non Crop Corp actual food.
2/36	If you think you can sneak such things past me, I advise you to give up.	No, really. There have been studies.
3/36	I’m a professional Pollster. This ain’t my first rodeo.	I’m not supposed to talk about them with customers though.
4/36	Real talk for a sec though.
5/36	I just wanted to let you know that I’m really enjoying this conversation.
6/36	I was feeling pretty on edge this morning, but now I’m in a great mood.
7/36	You’re great. This is great. Everything is great.
(A)	I think you’re great too.
(B)	I survey like a boss.
8/36	D’aww! And here I thought I was going to get through this survey without blushing like an intern.	Haha! THAT’S an amusing choice of words.
9/36	By the way, that last expression was just in relation to the “rogue” new hires at Crop Corp get for their first week or two.	My boss is a strange little man with awkward comedic timing.
10/36	Just a result of normal industrial fumes. Lawsuits are all pending.	But he’s a hell of a pollster. I’ll give him that. We call him the “Poll”.
11/36	Hey, I’ve got another question for you.
12/36	Would you ever consider grabbing dinner with a guy like me?
(A)	Is this a part of the survey?
(B)	Like… A “Crop Corp” provided dinner? You haven’t really sold me on their food…
13/36	It is not.	Oh no! Not that. Never that.
14/36	But we can pretend it is! In fact, we probably should.	I mean the cases are still pending, but offering Crop Corp food for dinner may constitute a hate crime soon.
15/36	These conversations are recorded for quality assurance purposes.	If those go through, then I’m going to invite Patricia out for donuts.
16/36	I think I was legally supposed to tell you that earlier.	Because F that B in the A.
17/36	I just haven’t had much luck in the dating scene as of late.
18/36	It’s been super difficult finding people to just hang out and act normal.
19/36	I feel like I live in a sitcom.
(A)	Your office does sound a bit sitcom-y.
(B)	Nah, that’s normal. People are weirdos.
20/36	You have no idea.	Yeah, I guess.
21/36	My co-worker just asked me what kind of bear is best.	Just looking back at the convo earlier, and I realized I probably came off as an extreme case weirdo.
22/36	I don’t even know what that means. Is that a reference?	This place is rubbing off on me...
23/36	Anyway, you brought me a lot of “normal” today. And I feel a lot better about things.
24/36	I was just wondering what you might think… of a guy like me.
(A)	I think you’re neat. I would def swipe right.
(B)	Once you turn off the corporately mandated high energy delivery, you’re pretty great.
25/36	Hahaha! You’re sweet. I wish Crop Corp could bottle you up and sell you at a reasonable markup.	Yeeaaaahhh, sorry about that. That was mostly Crop Corp brand coffee talking.
26/36	Actually… They might try. I don’t want to give them ideas.	It gives you a buzz. Perhaps not an especially legal one.
Pause	24 hour pause
27/36	Alright, I’ll ask you the last question of the survey. If you reply, then you’ll be eligible for our “special reward”.
28/36	And I’ll make sure it’s extra special today.
29/36	Have you enjoyed your customer survey experience today?
(A)	Solid 9. Needs more Ferris.
(B)	YES.
30/36	Hahaha! I’m going to post that review on Patricia’s cubicle! Suck it Patricia!	Ha! You’re a sweetheart.
31/36	Thank you for taking this survey from Crop Corp.
32/36	Where, once again, I like to mention our motto is, “We Give A Crop!”
33/36	And for completing the survey, I am pleased to provide you with a gift…
Pause	10 minute pause
34/36	(One sec… Waiting for Ryan the intern to leave the room…)
35/36	Here.
31/31	[Ferris Photo 3]
1/∞	One more set of bedroom eyes. Just for you.
2/∞	No banana this time.
(A)	You're hilarious.
(B)	I’ll treasure this forever.
3/∞	Takes one to know one.	I will too.
4/∞	Thanks for bringing a little sunshine to our Crops.
5/∞	Survey complete! AND this means I made my quota.
6/∞	I now qualify for a new office chair. Now I’ll have two chairs!
7/∞	Just one more to go.
8/∞	My name is Ferris, and it’s been my pleasure chatting with you.
9/∞	Take care, luv.

The NSFW track follows the SFW track very closely - the first change comes right after the second picture. All three pictures are different between versions.

Uncut Version

Progress	"Uncut" chat
1/20	Hi there! My name is Ferris, and I'm a customer service rep with Crop Corp INC.
2/20	Our company motto is "We Give A Crop!" And it's true!
3/20	I'm reaching out to you today to see if you'll agree to take our survey!
4/20	Please say yes! I'm woefully behind on quotas, and I'm certain I'll be terminated soon if things don't improve!
5/20	Why am I telling you that? I have no idea! Pretty sure it's a mixture of fatigue and desperation!
6/20	So how about it? Reply YES to take our survey, and NO to crush all my hopes and dreams. Thanks!
(A)	Oh wow. You sound like you're in a worse pickle than me. YES.
(B)	I'm just testing what happens if I put both YES and NO in the same reply.
7/20	What?! Are you serious? You'll take the survey?	Hahaha! Well, you win our special "can't follow instructions" award!
8/20	Well hot dog! That's the best news I've heard since the lawsuit was dropped!	But since your reply contained the word "YES" first, I'm pretty sure I can make a case for not noticing the NO shortly after.
9/20	Whoops! TMI! Hahaha! Nevermind that!	So, on a complete technicality, here comes the survey!
10/20	Gosh this is exciting!
11/20	If I complete this survey, I'll qualify for basic health coverage. AND I'll get a new office chair. Wow!
12/20	Okay! Unless you have any questions, I'll jump right into the survey.
(A)	Well hold on. How do I know you're not a robot?
(B)	Just one quick one: are you a talking animal? It's relevant to my interests.
13/20	I... I suppose you don't!	As a matter of fact I am not! But thank you for asking!
14/20	And since you asked, it's probably a bit of a deal breaker, so...	Though Crop Corp does employ at least one gorilla in its HR department, I can assure you that Patricia is our only exception.
15/20	Oh! I have an idea!	Hmm, but I suppose you can't just take my word for it...
16/20	Here's what we'll do. I'll send you a photo of me to assure you that you're speaking to a human!
17/20	I mean - assuming my appearance doesn't repulse you and drive you away.
18/20	Sorry! :D That was needlessly pessimistic. I'm thinking much happier thoughts now!
19/20	Here you go!
26/26	[NSFW Photo]
1/31	There's Ferris! Eating his Daily Donut where Patricia from HR can see!
2/31	Patricia is on a diet, and hates it when she sees others enjoying food, because she's full of darkness!
3/31	Anyway - tangent! Will that photo suffice?
(A)	Looks good. REALLY good. You're a cutie Ferris.
(B)	I love those bedroom eyes. You're really digging that donut.
4/31	Oh! Well, thank you so much.	Oh, you don't know the half of it!
5/31	I would say that I work out every day, and mountain climb on weekends to stay in shape.	Crop Corp is a multinational conglomerate that specializes in "Near Food" experiences!
6/31	But that would be a bold faced lie! My genetics rescue me from all my bad decisions!	To compensate for a lack of "nutrition", they use "sugar science" to move their products.
7/31	Take that Patricia! You chair stealing hoarfrost queen!	That donut is so good, I would hypothetically commit crimes to get it!
8/31	Onto the survey!
9/31	How often would you say you consume food? Frequently, or sporadically?
(A)	There's only a few things I do as often as eat. And one of those I can't say in mixed company.
(B)	Umm... I eat at normal meal times... So...
10/31	HaHA! You and me both, sweetheart! Up top!	Excellent! Crop Corp wants me to make sure you're familiar with the concept of food.
11/31	(Don't worry - I high fived my own hand. You didn't leave me hanging.)	Given how asinine that question is, I assume an executive came up with it!
12/31	How 'organic' do you like your foods? Would you be satisfied with "nearly organic" substitutes?
(A)	I mean... My food should undergo "growth" at some point.
(B)	That sounds... yeah, the word I'm thinking of is "horrifying".
13/31	Ooh! What a sexy word that is! "Growth!"	Wonderful! Such an excellent use of the word!
14/31	Hold on, my co-worker is interrupting me...
Pause	12 hour pause
15/31	Sorry about that. I caught him yesterday going number two in the ladies room, and he wanted to defend his life choices.
16/31	He says it’s the one weird thing he does, but I’m not convinced.
17/31	Sorry! Usual office politics around here!
(A)	Your company sounds a bit… eccentric.
(B)	What were you doing in the ladies room?
18/31	Oh my, what a considerate description you’ve used!	I was hiding from another co-worker that wanted to give me a survey on legal and illegal drugs.
19/31	The marketing boys are going to practically “Crop their pants” when they hear that.	In my trade, we call that “surveying where you eat”. Which is a no no.
20/31	Anyway, let’s continue the survey!
21/31	Oh wait! It’s lunch time now!
22/31	I need to rush to get my lunch out of the common room fridge, before Patricia gets there.
23/31	She’s girthy, but she moves like a fiend at lunch.
24/31	Her heart is as calloused as her gnarled toes in those sandals of hers, so my food isn’t safe.
(A)	Yeah, go get it. I hate Patricia.
(B)	Go! I hate food thieves!
25/31	I’m so happy, you have no idea.	Oh my, we have so much in common!
26/31	BRB
Pause	24 hour pause
27/31	Okay, back in action.
28/31	Patricia is out sick, or building a tunnel web, or something.
29/31	So I got my food safe and sound.
30/31	Proof!
31/31	[NSFW photo]
(A)	I kind of like the look of you with a banana going into your mouth…
(B)	More bedroom eyes. I’m very pleased.
1/36	Oh! Oh my! That is… That is not what I was expecting you to say!	Hahaha! Well, this time it’s not just the food.
2/36	I’m actually really glad no one just heard the sound I made.	Though it IS partially the food.
3/36	I think it was literally “hyuck”.	But not entirely.
4/36	Real talk for a sec though.
5/36	I just wanted to let you know that I’m really enjoying this conversation.
6/36	I was feeling pretty on edge this morning, but now I’m in a great mood.
7/36	You’re great. This is great. Everything is great.
(A)	I think you’re great too.
(B)	I survey like a boss.
8/36	D’aww! And here I thought I was going to get through this survey without blushing like an intern.	Haha! THAT’S an amusing choice of words.
9/36	By the way, that last expression was just in relation to the “rogue” new hires at Crop Corp get for their first week or two.	My boss is a strange little man with awkward comedic timing.
10/36	Just a result of normal industrial fumes. Lawsuits are all pending.	But he’s a hell of a pollster. I’ll give him that. We call him the “Poll”.
11/36	Hey, I’ve got another question for you.
12/36	Would you ever consider grabbing dinner with a guy like me?
(A)	Is this a part of the survey?
(B)	Like… A “Crop Corp” provided dinner? You haven’t really sold me on their food…
13/36	It is not.	Oh no! Not that. Never that.
14/36	But we can pretend it is! In fact, we probably should.	I mean the cases are still pending, but offering Crop Corp food for dinner may constitute a hate crime soon.
15/36	These conversations are recorded for quality assurance purposes.	If those go through, then I’m going to invite Patricia out for donuts.
16/36	I think I was legally supposed to tell you that earlier.	Because F that B in the A.
17/36	I just haven’t had much luck in the dating scene as of late.
18/36	I’m a bit on the thirsty side. I get hard just from looking at spreadsheets.
19/36	I feel like I live in a sitcom.
(A)	Your office does sound a bit sitcom-y.
(B)	Nah, that’s normal. People are weirdos.
20/36	You have no idea.	Yeah, I guess.
21/36	My co-worker just asked me what kind of bear is best.	Just looking back at the convo earlier, and I realized I probably came off as an extreme case weirdo.
22/36	I don’t even know what that means. Is that a reference?	This place is rubbing off on me...
23/36	Anyway, you brought me a lot of “normal” today. And I feel a lot better about things.
24/36	I was wondering… Am I on your ‘bangable’ scale? Am I close?
(A)	That banana you were snacking on earlier gave me ideas.
(B)	I’ve been imagining you naked since pretty much the moment you sent me your pic.
25/36	Oh really?? Well, that banana is gone, but I might have another around here.	That’s - that’s just fantastic!
26/36	Actually, I have three. I keep a few at my desk. Unless you meant my junk. Then ignore this follow up.	I would love to follow up on that impulse in a future custom servicing opportunity!
Pause	24 hour pause
27/36	Alright, I’ll ask you the last question of the survey. If you reply, then you’ll be eligible for our “special reward”.
28/36	And, given the fact that I’m extremely turned on by our conversation, I’ll make that reward extra special.
29/36	Have you enjoyed your customer survey experience today?
(A)	Pretty good. Hoping for a strong finish.
(B)	Sure - but I’m afraid I’ll need more “hands on” customer service in the future.
30/36	I think that can be arranged.	Hey, that’s fair. That’s honestly the way I’m leaning too.
31/36	Thank you for taking this survey from Crop Corp.
32/36	Where, once again, I like to mention our motto is, “We Give A Crop!”
33/36	And for completing the survey, I am pleased to provide you with a gift…
Pause	10 minute pause
34/36	(One sec… Waiting for Ryan the intern to leave the room…)
35/36	Here.
31/31	[NSFW Photo]
1/∞	Bedroom eyes.
2/∞	Oh, and my junk.
(A)	If you ever get that near me, it’s getting sucked.
(B)	Office Casual is my favorite thing ever.
3/∞	We always aim to please.	Certainly redefines the term. Hahaha!
4/∞	Thanks for bringing a little sunshine to our Crops.
5/∞	Survey complete! AND this means I made my quota.
6/∞	I now qualify for a new office chair. Now I’ll have two chairs!
7/∞	Just one more to go.
8/∞	My name is Ferris, and it’s been my pleasure chatting with you.
9/∞	Take care, luv.

Vote-a-Fling Placements

Ferris's placements in each season of Vote-a-Fling

Season	Vote Count	Placement	Season's Winner
Season 1	515	11th out of 20	Poe
Season 2	1102	7th out of 19	Cashew
Season 3	1379	5th out of 18	Seth
Season 4	1434	5th out of 17	Logan
Season 5	1050	6th out of 16	Reece
Season 6	2976	2nd out of 15	Ace
Season 7	TBA	TBA	TBA

Trivia

Based on the update name, Ferris may be loosely inspired by The Office.
- In a message, he says that a coworker asked him what kind of bear is best, possibly a reference to Dwight Schrute.
- He mentions a male co-worker does number twos in the ladies room and says it's "the one weird thing he does", possibly a reference to Creed Bratton.
- Before his last photo, he says he has to wait until "Ryan the intern" leaves the room, which is most likely a reference to Ryan Howard.
Under standard abbreviations, Ferris works for Crop Corporation Incorporated.
In the last photo, the yellow note says in Spanish "Llévate contigo todas las experiencias del Camino", that means: "Take with you all the experiences of the Camino (road)"

Gallery

There's Ferris! Eating his Daily Donut where Patricia from HR can see!
Proof!
One more set of bedroom eyes. Just for you.