School Spirit Event

The School Spirit Event is a school-themed Parallel Event in Crush Crush, first taking place from August 27 to September 2, 2024, spanning a total of six days. It rewarded Karyn as a dateable character. In following reruns, a new character was introduced as a reward - Kyoko in August 2025.

As this event takes place within a Parallel Universe, things such as Time Blocks, Speed Boosts, Hobbies and other things are reset, meaning you start from scratch and work your way from the ground up.

This Event features "Goals", which can be completed in order to earn various items and boosts that are helpful in progressing further in the event, such as Speed Boosts, Time Skips, Time Blocks, Money, and Snowballs. Additionally, some goals offer rewards for the Main Game, such as an Event Achievement and an array of outfits. If you complete every Goal before the event ends, you will be able to unlock the grand prize: a fully date-able Girl for the Main Game.

Availability

Image	Event Name	Run Duration
	School Spirit Event - Karyn	27 Aug 2024 - 02 Sep 2024
	School Spirit Event - Karyn	10 Jul 2025 - 16 Jul 2025
	School Spirit Event - Kyoko	27 Aug 2025 - 02 Sep 2025
	School Spirit Event - Kyoko	12 Mar 2026 - 18 Mar 2026
	School Spirit Event - Ling Ling	10 Sep 2026 - 16 Sep 2026

Cutscenes

Opening Cutscene

Upon entering the Event, you're greeted with an opening cutscene/dialogue which plays out as the following:

(You find yourself somewhere both familiar and not familiar. It's almost like you've stepped into...)
(A PARALLEL UNIVERSE)
(Looking around, you realize you're on a university campus. The whole area is decorated with ribbons, banners, and balloons.)
(You cautiously approach the nearest booth. A student with a big, bright smile greets you.)
Sawyer: “Welcome to S.T.F. University's Open House and Cultural Festival! Thanks for stopping by my special corn stand.”
Sawyer: “Would you like some hot buttered corn? I'm handing out a complimentary spool of dental floss with every order!”
(You take some hot buttered corn and some floss, eager to learn more about what’s going on…)

You then exit the Dialogue, and are greeted by Qpiddy explaining the event:

Welcome to the School Spirit Event! This limited-time event takes place in a parallel universe filled with books, tests, and college cuties. It's downright educational!
In this universe, all your academic jobs and studious hobbies start at level 0. The same goes for any girls you meet, and they’ll pay out Diplomas as you get to know them!
Make sure you spend your Diplomas while you can! Since Diplomas can’t travel between universes, you won’t be able to keep them once the School Spirit Event ends.
The good news is, Diamonds CAN travel between universes! That means your Diamonds are shared between the School Spirit Event and your main game.
By the way, you'll earn rewards based on the progress you make during the School Spirit Event. You can claim your rewards in the “Goals” tab.
At the end of the event, any Ticket rewards you've earned will travel back through the portal with you to your main game, where you'll be able to trade them for special Ticket Booth items!
Just remember, Speed Boosts, Time Blocks, and Diplomas CAN'T travel back with you, so spend them before the timer runs out!
You can return to the main game any time by going to the “Return” tab!
That about covers it. Have fun, and enjoy the School Spirit Event!

Ending Cutscene

When Karyn is the event reward

(The S.T.F.U. Open House and Festival draws to a close, and you're sad to see all the booths closing up shop. You can't remember the last time you had this much fun at school!)
(You learned a lot about dental hygiene (and corn) from Sawyer. You and Lake wound up covered in glitter and paint. Even Ruri emerged from the cold, dark recesses of the computer lab to enjoy a stroll around campus with you.)
(True-crime/paranormal investigator besties Ayeka and Generica taught you what friendship is really all about, or something, and Miss Desiree definitely reinvigorated your interest in the sciences.)
(But more than anyone, Cheer captain Karyn showed you what a passion for education really looks like. If only you could be her regular study-buddy. Alas, you can already feel the portal calling you home.)
(The portal closes around you, and… What’s that out of the corner of your eye? Was that a girl jumping in after you…!?)

When Kyoko is the event reward

(The S.T.F.U. Open House and Festival draws to a close, and you're sad to see all the booths closing up shop. You can't remember the last time you had this much fun at school!)
(You learned a lot about dental hygiene (and corn) from Sawyer. You and Lake wound up covered in glitter and paint. Even Ruri emerged from the cold, dark recesses of the computer lab to enjoy a stroll around campus with you.)
(True-crime/paranormal investigator besties Ayeka and Generica taught you what friendship is really all about, or something, and Miss Desiree definitely reinvigorated your interest in the sciences.)
(But more than anyone, Kyoko taught you to be bold, be yourself, and most importantly, always stick it to the man. If only you could be her regular study-buddy. Alas, you can already feel the portal calling you home.)
(As the portal closes around you, you see Kyoko waving goodbye. You can't help but wonder... will you ever see her again?)

When Ling Ling is the event reward

(The S.T.F.U. Open House and Festival draws to a close, and you're sad to see all the booths closing up shop. You can't remember the last time you had this much fun at school!)
(You learned a lot about dental hygiene (and corn) from Sawyer. You and Lake wound up covered in glitter and paint. Even Ruri emerged from the cold, dark recesses of the computer lab to enjoy a stroll around campus with you.)
(True-crime/paranormal investigator besties Ayeka and Generica taught you what friendship is really all about, or something, and Miss Desiree definitely reinvigorated your interest in the sciences.)
(But more than anyone, Ling Ling taught you to be disciplined, be strong, and most importantly, always stay true to yourself. If only you could be her regular study-buddy. Alas, you can already feel the portal calling you home.)
(As the portal closes around you, you see Ling Ling waving goodbye. You can't help but wonder... will you ever see her again?)

Girls

	Sawyer - An enthusiastic student who welcomes you to the festival. Unlocked by entering the event.
	Lake Unlocked by reaching Lvl 4 Passion
	Ruri Unlocked by reaching Lvl 10 Stamina
	Ayeka Unlocked by reaching Lvl 22 Insight
	Generica Unlocked by reaching Lvl 32 Funny
	Miss Desirée Unlocked by reaching Lvl 44 Smart
	Karyn Unlocked by reaching Lvl 51 Joy
	Kyoko Unlocked by reaching Lvl 51 Joy

Jobs & Hobbies

This Event comes with all-new School-themed Jobs and Hobbies as listed here:

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Crossing Guard	$10	3s	$200	4	2
2	Seat Saver	$12	3s	$240	40	2
3	Windshield Washer	$14	3s	$280	360	2
4	Door Operator	$17	3s	$340	2,880	2
5	Fare Taker	$20	3s	$400	20,160	2
6	Stop Scheduler	$24	3s	$480	120,960	2
7	Horn Beeper	$29	3s	$580	604,800	2
8	Average Driver	$35	3s	$700	2,419,200	2
9	Professional Driver	$42	3s	$840	7,257,600	2
10	Golden Charioteer	$50	3s	$1,000	Maxed	2

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Crossing Guard	$200	4
2	Seat Saver	$240	40
3	Windshield Washer	$280	360
4	Door Operator	$340	2880
5	Fare Taker	$400	20160
6	Stop Scheduler	$480	120960
7	Horn Beeper	$580	604800
8	Average Driver	$700	2419200
9	Professional Driver	$840	7257600
10	Golden Charioteer	$1,000	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Bench Warmer	$35	6s	$350	40	4
2	Grass Painter	$46	6s	$460	160	4
3	Pylon Positioner	$60	6s	$600	640	4
4	Ball Butler	$78	6s	$780	2,560	4
5	Cheerleader	$101	6s	$1,010	11,520	4
6	Sideline Strategist	$131	6s	$1,310	51,840	4
7	Penalty Pro	$170	6s	$1,700	259,200	4
8	Assistant Coach	$204	6s	$2,040	1,296,000	4
9	Goal Guru	$245	6s	$2,450	6,480,000	4
10	World Cup Winner	$294	6s	$2,940	Maxed	4

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Bench Warmer	$350	40
2	Grass Painter	$460	160
3	Pylon Positioner	$600	640
4	Ball Butler	$780	2560
5	Cheerleader	$1,010	11520
6	Sideline Strategist	$1,310	51840
7	Penalty Pro	$1,700	259200
8	Assistant Coach	$2,040	1296000
9	Goal Guru	$2,450	6480000
10	World Cup Winner	$2,940	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Bookmark Collector	$240	29s	$496.55	240	4
2	Dog Ear Unfolder	$312	18s	$1,040	960	4
3	Shelf Duster	$406	18s	$1,353.33	3,360	4
4	Page	$528	17s	$1,863.53	11,760	4
5	Display Maker	$686	16s	$2,572.5	35,280	4
6	Shusher	$823	15s	$3,292	105,840	4
7	Card Checker	$988	14s	$4,234.29	317,520	4
8	Exam Proctor	$1,087	13s	$5,016.92	793,800	4
9	Archivist	$1,196	12s	$5,980	1,984,500	4
10	Library Director	$1,316	11s	$7,178.18	Maxed	4

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Bookmark Collector	$496.55	240
2	Dog Ear Unfolder	$1,040	960
3	Shelf Duster	$1,353.33	3360
4	Page	$1,863.53	11760
5	Display Maker	$2,572.5	35280
6	Shusher	$3,292	105840
7	Card Checker	$4,234.29	317520
8	Exam Proctor	$5,016.92	793800
9	Archivist	$5,980	1984500
10	Library Director	$7,178.18	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Dish Washer	$80	6s	$800	320	3
2	Table Wiper	$104	6s	$1,040	1,600	3
3	Tray Taker	$135	6s	$1,350	8,000	3
4	Slop Server	$189	6s	$1,890	32,000	3
5	Dessert Distributor	$265	6s	$2,650	128,000	3
6	Soup Supervisor	$371	6s	$3,710	384,000	3
7	Menu Maker	$482	6s	$4,820	1,152,000	3
8	Canteen Controller	$627	6s	$6,270	2,304,000	3
9	Supreme Chef	$752	6s	$7,520	4,608,000	3
10	Big Enchilada	$902	6s	$9,020	Maxed	3

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Dish Washer	$800	320
2	Table Wiper	$1,040	1600
3	Tray Taker	$1,350	8000
4	Slop Server	$1,890	32000
5	Dessert Distributor	$2,650	128000
6	Soup Supervisor	$3,710	384000
7	Menu Maker	$4,820	1152000
8	Canteen Controller	$6,270	2304000
9	Supreme Chef	$7,520	4608000
10	Big Enchilada	$9,020	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Janitor	$300	20s	$900	200	8
2	Custodial Engineer	$390	20s	$1,170	600	8
3	Chief Sweeper	$507	20s	$1,521	1,800	8
4	Vomitorius Maximus	$659	20s	$1,977	5,400	8
5	Superintendant	$923	20s	$2,769	16,200	8
6	Groundskeeper	$1,292	20s	$3,876	48,600	8
7	Garbageman	$1,809	20s	$5,427	170,100	8
8	Undertaker	$2,533	20s	$7,599	680,400	8
9	Hazmat Specialist	$3,800	20s	$11,400	2,721,600	8
10	Bomb Disposal	$5,700	20s	$17,100	Maxed	8

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Janitor	$900	200
2	Custodial Engineer	$1,170	600
3	Chief Sweeper	$1,521	1800
4	Vomitorius Maximus	$1,977	5400
5	Superintendant	$2,769	16200
6	Groundskeeper	$3,876	48600
7	Garbageman	$5,427	170100
8	Undertaker	$7,599	680400
9	Hazmat Specialist	$11,400	2721600
10	Bomb Disposal	$17,100	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Lab Rat	$1,000	30s	$2,000	620	6
2	Lab Tech	$1,750	35s	$3,000	1,860	6
3	Hypothesizer	$3,063	40s	$4,594.5	5,580	6
4	Beaker Bae	$5,360	45s	$7,146.67	13,950	6
5	Lab Legend	$9,380	50s	$11,256	34,875	6
6	Science Sensei	$16,415	55s	$17,907.27	69,750	6
7	Peer Reviewer	$28,726	60s	$28,726	139,500	6
8	Sane Scientist	$50,271	60s	$50,271	279,000	6
9	Mad Scientist	$87,974	60s	$87,974	558,000	6
10	Nutty Professor	$351,896	60s	$351,896	Maxed	6

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Lab Rat	$2,000	620
2	Lab Tech	$3,000	1860
3	Hypothesizer	$4,594.5	5580
4	Beaker Bae	$7,146.67	13950
5	Lab Legend	$11,256	34875
6	Science Sensei	$17,907.27	69750
7	Peer Reviewer	$28,726	139500
8	Sane Scientist	$50,271	279000
9	Mad Scientist	$87,974	558000
10	Nutty Professor	$351,896	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Timely Tutor	$600	25s	$1,440	3,000	6
2	Research Assistant	$900	25s	$2,160	6,000	6
3	Chronology Lecturer	$1,350	25s	$3,240	12,000	6
4	Essay Assigner	$2,025	25s	$4,860	24,000	6
5	Professor Of The Past	$3,038	25s	$7,291.2	48,000	6
6	Yesteryear Scholar	$4,557	25s	$10,936.8	96,000	6
7	Hawt Historian	$6,836	25s	$16,406.4	240,000	6
8	Field Researcher	$9,570	25s	$22,968	600,000	6
9	Adventuring Archaeologist	$13,398	25s	$32,155.2	1,500,000	6
10	Dr. Jones	$18,757	25s	$45,016.8	Maxed	6

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Timely Tutor	$1,440	3000
2	Research Assistant	$2,160	6000
3	Chronology Lecturer	$3,240	12000
4	Essay Assigner	$4,860	24000
5	Professor Of The Past	$7,291.2	48000
6	Yesteryear Scholar	$10,936.8	96000
7	Hawt Historian	$16,406.4	240000
8	Field Researcher	$22,968	600000
9	Adventuring Archaeologist	$32,155.2	1500000
10	Dr. Jones	$45,016.8	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Voracious Reader	$2,000	60s	$2,000	1,100	3
2	Book Club President	$6,000	80s	$4,500	1,980	3
3	Book Reviewer	$18,000	100s	$10,800	3,564	3
4	Grammarian	$30,000	120s	$15,000	6,772	3
5	Thesis Judger	$40,000	140s	$17,142.86	12,867	3
6	Prose Professor	$50,000	160s	$18,750	25,734	3
7	Poetry Pundit	$55,000	160s	$20,625	51,468	3
8	Discourse Discusser	$60,000	160s	$22,500	102,936	3
9	Fiction Philosopher	$70,000	150s	$28,000	205,872	3
10	Literary Pedagogue	$90,000	140s	$38,571.43	Maxed	3

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Voracious Reader	$2,000	1100
2	Book Club President	$4,500	1980
3	Book Reviewer	$10,800	3564
4	Grammarian	$15,000	6772
5	Thesis Judger	$17,142.86	12867
6	Prose Professor	$18,750	25734
7	Poetry Pundit	$20,625	51468
8	Discourse Discusser	$22,500	102936
9	Fiction Philosopher	$28,000	205872
10	Literary Pedagogue	$38,571.43	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Fitness Fanatic	$8,000	240s	$2,000	320	8
2	Stretching Specialist	$11,666.6666666667	220s	$3,181.82	1,120	8
3	Sweat Sergeant	$15,000	200s	$4,500	3,360	8
4	Cardio Commander	$20,000	180s	$6,666.67	10,080	8
5	Flexibility Fiend	$26,666.6666666667	160s	$10,000	25,200	8
6	Push-Up Prodigy	$33,333.3333333333	140s	$14,285.71	50,400	8
7	Weight Lifter	$40,000	120s	$20,000	100,800	8
8	Gym Guru	$46,666.6666666667	100s	$28,000	201,600	8
9	Workout Wizard	$53,333.3333333333	60s	$53,333.33	403,200	8
10	Miracle Mentor	$60,000	40s	$90,000	Maxed	8

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Fitness Fanatic	$2,000	320
2	Stretching Specialist	$3,181.82	1120
3	Sweat Sergeant	$4,500	3360
4	Cardio Commander	$6,666.67	10080
5	Flexibility Fiend	$10,000	25200
6	Push-Up Prodigy	$14,285.71	50400
7	Weight Lifter	$20,000	100800
8	Gym Guru	$28,000	201600
9	Workout Wizard	$53,333.33	403200
10	Miracle Mentor	$90,000	Maxed

Level	Title	Earnings	Time	$ Per Min	Needed Shifts	Time Blocks
1	Chalk Cleaner	$1,500	60s	$1,500	105	12
2	Teacher's Pet	$3,000	55s	$3,272.73	368	12
3	Hall Monitor	$5,700	50s	$6,840	1,288	12
4	Resident Advisor	$10,260	45s	$13,680	4,508	12
5	Student Body President	$17,442	40s	$26,163	15,778	12
6	Department Head	$27,907	35s	$47,840.57	56,801	12
7	Curriculum Conductor	$41,861	30s	$83,722	204,484	12
8	Academic Ace	$58,605	25s	$140,652	756,591	12
9	The Registrar	$76,187	20s	$228,561	2,799,387	12
10	The Dean	$91,424	15s	$365,696	Maxed	12

Level	Title	Earnings Per Min (base)	Needed Shifts
1	Chalk Cleaner	$1,500	105
2	Teacher's Pet	$3,272.73	368
3	Hall Monitor	$6,840	1288
4	Resident Advisor	$13,680	4508
5	Student Body President	$26,163	15778
6	Department Head	$47,840.57	56801
7	Curriculum Conductor	$83,722	204484
8	Academic Ace	$140,652	756591
9	The Registrar	$228,561	2799387
10	The Dean	$365,696	Maxed

Hobbies

Hobby Title	Stat Raised	Preferred by
Anime Club	Passion	Lake/Generica
Swim Club	Stamina	Sawyer
Book Club	Insight	Ruri/Karyn
Tutoring	Helpful	N/A
Music Club	Composure	N/A
Partying	Funny	N/A
Chess Club	Foresight	Ayeka
Science Club	Impartial	Kyoko
Studying	Smart	Miss Desirée
Cheerleading	Enthusiasm	N/A
Jump Rope Club	Joy	Ling Ling
Fencing Club	Balance	N/A

Dialogue List

Sawyer

Adversary

Corn is a great pre-sport snack, and sports are the spice of life! I'm here to rep the Athletics Club, so have some corn, throw some spice on it and, uh… I'm still working on my pitch, but you get it!

Sorry

Please come cheer for the Athletics Club in the three-legged race, potato sack race, wheelbarrow race, limbo race, and egg race! We're up against our arch rivals - the Pastry Arts Club!
I was going to volunteer for the Athletics Club dodgeball game, but I kept having dreams about getting smashed in the face with a ball! Want to play something less face-dangerous? Like tiddlywinks?
I posted about "Sporty College Co-Ed Corn" on the Athletics Club socials, but it got taken down really fast. Apparently STFU doesn't want me telling people I'm making corn on campus? But we're a total CORN HUB over here! We should be proud!
I could show you how to floss! Or I could floss your teeth FOR you! Unless... unless that's weird. In which case I will absolutely not do that.

Gift

Oh! Um... Thanks. We're not taking donations at this event, but I'll make sure to get it to someone in need who... Needs this?

Poke

EEK! What are you doing? Your hands are covered in butter and salt! At least wash them first!

Upgrade to Nuisance

My name’s Sawyer! I’d offer to be your personal tour guide, but I'm minding the Athletics Club booth. I need as many extracurricular credits as I can manage for my Dental Hygenist program.
Oh, did I not mention that’s what I'm studying? So… you thought I was just weirdly into dental floss? Hahahaha! I mean, I AM, but… I'm also being graded on it!

Nuisance

What are you interested in? Rock climbing? Soccer? Volleyball? Blow darts? Competitive duck herding? You name it, STFU has a club for it! Probably!

Sorry

I could show you how to floss! Or I could floss your teeth FOR you! Unless... unless that's weird. In which case I will absolutely not do that.
Super glad you're not one of those accident prone kind of people. Could you imagine if I was handing out corn and you were all like "Whoops, I creamed your corn!" Creamed corn is a LOT harder to hand out.
I wish I could play sports professionally. It's easier to invite people to watch games than to watch a dental x-ray, don't you think?
Not only will dental floss help get corn out of your teeth, but it reduces plaque below the gum line! Learn more about oral health in S.T.F. University's Dental Hygiene program!
Hey, do you think you could help me salt and butter this next batch of corn? I think it'll be easier with two people!

Gift

Oh! Um... Thanks. We're not taking donations at this event, but I'll make sure to get it to someone in need who... Needs this?

Poke

Oh! Well, I appreciate the effort, but I'm a little busy right now. How about a raincheck? I'd LOVE a foot rub later. After the Open House. If that's not too forward?

Upgrade to Frenemy

It's great that you're so interested in my booth, but there are a ton of other cool things to see and do! Like my friend's Fine Arts showcase!
Not that I'm trying to get rid of you. I just don't want you to miss out on any of the other cool things! I'd feel bad if I was accidently monopolizing your time.

Frenemy

Our campus is HUGE! Even with a map, you might get lost. Do you have a pen? I'll write my phone number on your hand just in case! Please, use it whenever you like...

Sorry

Super glad you're not one of those accident prone kind of people. Could you imagine if I was handing out corn and you were all like "Whoops, I creamed your corn!" Creamed corn is a LOT harder to hand out.
I wish I could play sports professionally. It's easier to invite people to watch games than to watch a dental x-ray, don't you think?
Not only will dental floss help get corn out of your teeth, but it reduces plaque below the gum line! Learn more about oral health in S.T.F. University's Dental Hygiene program!
Hey, do you think you could help me salt and butter this next batch of corn? I think it'll be easier with two people!
The way we're studying each other's anatomy, and all this chemistry that's happening between us... you must be my ticket to good grades! EEK! I can't believe I said that out loud!
I don't mind riding solo sometimes. Or should I say... Riding Soylo? Haha, see? Wordplay! I'm funny! Come on, laugh...
Do you think we'd get more attention for the university if we started a massive game of "The Floor is Lava"? I'd love to see YOUR moves! Parkour!
If I ruled the world, jeans would be illegal! Or at least... Frowned upon. I'm not trying to be mean. I just want people to understand the gloriousness of gym shorts!
Ugh, do you know how hard it is to find a good sports bra for swole bosoms? Come ON, bra-making-people! I know you have it in you!

Gift

If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to 'butter' me up! But actually... I don't know better. ARE you trying to butter me up?

Poke

Oh! Well, I appreciate the effort, but I'm a little busy right now. How about a raincheck? I'd LOVE a foot rub later. After the Open House. If that's not too forward?

Upgrade to Acquaintance

There's a yoga class being held in the library after the open house. You in? I feel like I want more yoga going on here, with us...
It might have something to do with the sexy stretches and interesting shapes we can make. I'll just need to grab my yoga tote and my grippy socks!

Acquaintance

I want to start a support group for students living on their own for the first time. Like, "set your toast on fire? It's okay! It happens! Have a cookie." Doesn't that sound great? You'd join, right?

Talk

Do you think we'd get more attention for the university if we started a massive game of "The Floor is Lava"? I'd love to see YOUR moves! Parkour!
If I ruled the world, jeans would be illegal! Or at least... Frowned upon. I'm not trying to be mean. I just want people to understand the gloriousness of gym shorts!
Ugh, do you know how hard it is to find a good sports bra for swole bosoms? Come ON, bra-making-people! I know you have it in you!
One of my hobbies is photography! As you can probably guess, it's mostly landscapes and food. Heehee, were you hoping for an 'interesting' photo of yours truly?
I gotta warn you, my flirt game is not always the best and brightest. One time I went to wink at this cutie, and my eyelash got jammed or something? Anyway, I made a face that scared them away.

Gift

If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to 'butter' me up! But actually... I don't know better. ARE you trying to butter me up?

Poke

Oh! Well, I appreciate the effort, but I'm a little busy right now. How about a raincheck? I'd LOVE a foot rub later. After the Open House. If that's not too forward?

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Let's be honest... You're not dazzled by the field of Dental Hygiene. But that's okay, as long as you're dazzled by me and my smile, I'm happy!
That sounded really cheesy. And now I'm awkward. Blushing. Look away!

Friendzoned

Do you want to take our survey for a chance to win free textbooks next semester? All you have to do is tell me - what's the most pancakes you've ever eaten in a single sitting? I won't judge!

Talk

So many sports, not enough time! If I could take up one more, though, it would be polo. And I'd want a purple horse. For the matching ponytails! Heehee.
I know I'm not the most... Glamorous or sophisticated or whatever, but I think I still have a lot to offer! Like... A sense of adventure? And free teeth cleanings! Sexy, right?
Sooo... H.M. University introduced a bungee-assisted dance cardio class. I'm dying to try it but... they're our biggest sports rivals! I... might have to go in disguise! Would you go with me? Please?
Brush, brush, brush your teeth, brush them every day! The front, the sides, the back, the top, to keep the plaque away! - Huh? Was I singing again? Oh gosh, why do I do this to myself…
What do you say? Doesn't S.T.F. University seem like a great school to attend? Besides! How can you resist applying when you might get to have classes with me!
I found my old diary! I thought it would be filled with hilarious tween angst, but it turns out I was quite the optimistic twelve-year-old. One page said, "JUST DO IT!" Haha! Will do, Little Soy.
I like kissing. Kissing's my favorite. I just thought you might want to know that. For some reason.

Gift

Aww, this is so nice! What's the occasion? I mean... You didn't just get this for me just because... Oh wow. That's really kind of you!

Poke

Oh! Well, I appreciate the effort, but I'm a little busy right now. How about a raincheck? I'd LOVE a foot rub later. After the Open House. If that's not too forward?

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

This school doesn't have any cool urban legends. No ghosts haunting the halls, no psychopaths stalking the campus, and no international hacker ring in the basement of the computer lab... that I know of.
What IS here, is something a little more "down-to-earth"... And she's standing right in front of you! It's me! What do you say? Do you like what you see?

Awkward Besties

Um... Someone told me leggings don't count as pants? But leggings are life! If leggings aren't pants, then I'd rather be pantsless. Aaand now you're picturing me pantsless... Haha, whoops!

Flirt

Sooo... H.M. University introduced a bungee-assisted dance cardio class. I'm dying to try it but... they're our biggest sports rivals! I... might have to go in disguise! Would you go with me? Please?
Brush, brush, brush your teeth, brush them every day! The front, the sides, the back, the top, to keep the plaque away! - Huh? Was I singing again? Oh gosh, why do I do this to myself…
What do you say? Doesn't S.T.F. University seem like a great school to attend? Besides! How can you resist applying when you might get to have classes with me!
I found my old diary! I thought it would be filled with hilarious tween angst, but it turns out I was quite the optimistic twelve-year-old. One page said, "JUST DO IT!" Haha! Will do, Little Soy.
I like kissing. Kissing's my favorite. I just thought you might want to know that. For some reason.
So, I know I came across as super confident at first. But it's easy, you know, before your feelings get super real, and... I may have wandered into a scary conversation here. Quick! Change of topic!
Lately I've been daydreaming about taking a gap year and backpacking through Europe. All I need is a good pair of hiking boots, and... Europe, and... you? What do you say, wanna "Bon Voyage" together?
I could use a long soak in a hot bath. With bubbles. And a little rubber ducky! ...I can't believe that just came out of my mouth. Anyway, want to join? You, me, and the duck makes three?

Gift

Aww, this is so nice! What's the occasion? I mean... You didn't just get this for me just because... Oh wow. That's really kind of you!

Poke

Oh! Well, I appreciate the effort, but I'm a little busy right now. How about a raincheck? I'd LOVE a foot rub later. After the Open House. If that's not too forward?

Upgrade to Crush

You're really special to me. Special enough that... I might be okay with sharing an order of french fries with you someday.
But if we find a random curly fry mixed in there, it's MINE!!

Crush

The energy is really great on campus today! I like how an event like this can lift spirits and bring people together. Kind of like how it brought you and I together...

Flirt

You know, I'm an expert when it comes to oral... Or I will be, once I finish my Dental Hygiene program. Ba dum tish! But yeah, I was actually trying to flirt just now... Whoops.
Can you please mind my booth? For like... five minutes? Pretty please? I'm in such a good mood I just HAVE to do some high knee sprints or lunges or something! I'll make it worth your while, I promise!
Thanks for supporting me in everything I do. On that note, I need someone to practice my periodontal debridement techniques on. C'mon, lemme scrape your teeth.
I've always wanted to do that romantic "horseback riding on the beach at dusk" thing. What do you think? Yea or... "neigh"?
You make me want to write your name in hearts all over my notes. Like, I'm aware just how lame that sounds, and I'm still super excited to make it happen. Love is weird.

Gift

Look at you, scoring all the extra credit! Gift-giving is definitely your major! Flawless 4.0 average!

Poke

Oh ho ho! You wanna go? There's no WAY you'll ever out-tickle me. Let's wrestle!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

Don't tell anyone but... I'm excited for the event to be over!
I'm having fun promoting the school, but I want to be able to spend some uninterrupted time with you. Maybe hold hands, and not have to pay attention to anyone else.

You and Sawyer are Sweethearts now!

Sweetheart

Well hi! Glad to see you! How are you liking the event? Do you need some water? A snack? A pretty girl on your arm? Heehee!

Flirt

Thanks for supporting me in everything I do. On that note, I need someone to practice my periodontal debridement techniques on. C'mon, lemme scrape your teeth.
I've always wanted to do that romantic "horseback riding on the beach at dusk" thing. What do you think? Yea or... "neigh"?
You make me want to write your name in hearts all over my notes. Like, I'm aware just how lame that sounds, and I'm still super excited to make it happen. Love is weird.
I honestly don't think I've felt this way before. My heart is racing. I'm just excited to be with you!
I love you. I would like to be your little Soybean forever.
Did you know you can get biodegradable floss? It's great for the environment AND the health of your mouth! Do you know what healthy mouths are great for? Kissing! Segue to making out - complete!
When I need a study break, I usually hop in whatever intramural sport is happening in the gym. But I can think of a few one-on-one activities we can try instead.... like a pillow fight!

Gift

Look at you, scoring all the extra credit! Gift-giving is definitely your major! Flawless 4.0 average!
Yes! Thank you thank you thank youuuu! You are so sweet, you're going to give me a toothache!

Poke

Oh ho ho! You wanna go? There's no WAY you'll ever out-tickle me. Let's wrestle!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

You make me feel like... Me. Only stronger, safer, and more sure of myself.
You're like a retainer for my heart.

Girlfriend

Whatcha thinking about? Maybe… Chilling with a special someone in the not-"Soy"-distant-future? Oh come on, don't even pretend that wasn't adorable!

Flirt

I honestly don't think I've felt this way before. My heart is racing. I'm just excited to be with you!
I love you. I would like to be your little Soybean forever.
Did you know you can get biodegradable floss? It's great for the environment AND the health of your mouth! Do you know what healthy mouths are great for? Kissing! Segue to making out - complete!
When I need a study break, I usually hop in whatever intramural sport is happening in the gym. But I can think of a few one-on-one activities we can try instead.... like a pillow fight!

Gift

Yes! Thank you thank you thank youuuu! You are so sweet, you're going to give me a toothache!

Poke

Oh ho ho! You wanna go? There's no WAY you'll ever out-tickle me. Let's wrestle!

Upgrade to Lover

I'm so glad you decided to stop at my booth. And that you keep coming back to visit me. And that you're such a dang good listener! I... love where we are now. And... I love you.
Gosh, I didn't realize how much I'd like saying that! Here, help me up onto my table, I'm going to say it as loud as I can! I LOVE YOU!

Lover

Hey cutie. Wanna take me out for a smoothie? I know a great place in the student cafeteria!

Seduce

I've been in sports, groups, and clubs my whole life, and I just want to say... You and me? This is the best team I've ever been on.
The word "studying" is a combo of "student" and "dying", which makes sense, because it makes my brain feel like oatmeal. I think taking a break with you is just what I need!
One of these days, we should go for dinner somewhere really nice. I want an excuse to put on something pretty. And then, afterwards, I'll need an excuse to take it off...
I knew there was a spark between us when you wandered over to my booth, but now that we've spent some time together, I feel like... We're SOOO sparkly! So much sparklier than I imagined!
Heehee, just wait until you see me play a volleyball game. I wear a lot of team uniforms, but that one's my favorite! The shorts make my butt look AMAZING.
Would you be interested in… Meeting my family? Sorry if that felt abrupt, but you have to decide quickly! They're almost done looking at Lake's display and they're heading over here!
I just can't resist a set of really nice teeth. Err, a nice smile, I mean. I just can't resist a really nice smile.
I've never made out with anyone under the bleachers. Wanna help me change that?
What's better than having nice teeth? Having a reason to show off your nice teeth! Thank you for making me smile so often. I love you!
I feel like I've talked to a thousand people today. Want to go get snuggled up in a blanket and just... be with each other? Quietly?
Sometimes Lake paints my nails, but it never lasts long. Maybe I'm too rough with my hands? Can I practice "gentle fingers" on you?
Two people meet at the university... They feel a connection instantly... They spend HOURS talking... *sigh* I love a good love story!
I didn't think it was true when people told me my college years are supposed to be the best of my life. Now that I've met you, I am starting to believe they will be!

Gift

Yes! Thank you thank you thank youuuu! You are so sweet, you're going to give me a toothache!

Poke

Teehee! I love how affectionate you are, you goose! It's like... You can't get enough of me, or something...

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] Brr! It's so chilly after dark. Thanks for letting me borrow your sweater. And, just so you know, I probably won't be giving it back. This is not something I'm willing to do.
[Movie Theater] Cool flick! I wish some cute golden retriever would join MY school's sports team at the last minute to save the big game.
[Sightseeing] Look at this leaf!! It's so big and perfect! I'm gonna keep it. Oo, I'll press it in the pages of my biggest dental textbook--that way, I'll be reminded of this date whenever I'm studying.
[Beach] The only thing better than sports... are BEACH sports! My favorite is playing with the foam football. ACTUALLY! It's throwing flying disks! No wait... I can't pick. What's your favorite?

Lake

First Meeting

(You wander around, casually taking in all the different activity stations.)
(Just outside the library you discover a giant nondescript art piece. Is it a mural? Is it a sculpture? You’re not really sure.)
Lake: "Hello. Are you an alumni, a prospective student, or just a curious member of the general public?"
Lake: "Either way, I invite you to peruse my selection of art supplies and use them to leave your mark here however you see fit."
(The beautiful girl gestures towards the strange amalgamation of paint, clay, and other ambiguous materials. You stand there, unsure of what to do…)

Adversary

Making a career out of a degree in Fine Arts isn't a sure thing, but what is? Maybe I'll get my big break some day. Or maybe I won't. Life is fickle like that. Might as well make art!

Sorry

They say a degree in Fine Arts is a waste because you'll never get a job, but hey... Don't Fine Arts and Theoretical Physics grads alike have teaching to fall back on? Hehe...
Don't mind me, I'm just ruminating. You see, I refuse to live an unexamined life, and considering how much money I've paid to attend Art Theory classes... There's a lot to think about.
Beauty is pain. But is pain beautiful? Perhaps the less "artist" I am... The more "art" I become. Am I sounding pretentious? Sorry, I'm trying to sound collegiate and scholarly. Is it working?
All these pointed questions from people visiting my booth have my imposter syndrome acting up. If only Sawyer were here to give me a hug. What about you? Are you much of a hugger?

Gift

How interesting. Perhaps I can use it in our booth's collaborative art piece to introduce a "found object" sculptural element?

Poke

Oh! Did you need something from me? A fresh paintbrush? More magazines for collage? Sorry, I was lost in a reverie...

Upgrade to Nuisance

What is art, anyway? How do you define it? Can anyone define it? Should they?
It's not easy being uncertain all the time, that's for sure. Or... Is it? Gah! I thought taking Art Theory classes would help FIX my existential crisis, not make it worse!

Nuisance

Feeling blue? It's okay! Pick up a brush and paint through it. Ultramarine is the most expensive of all pigments, so in art, even sorrow has value!

Sorry

All these pointed questions from people visiting my booth have my imposter syndrome acting up. If only Sawyer were here to give me a hug. What about you? Are you much of a hugger?
Don't be afraid to add your mark to our collaborative piece! You can never "wreck" an artwork that by design invites participation. There can be no handprint turkeys without little hands brave enough to create!
You know something? I'm glad I'm majoring in Fine Arts instead of something more practical like Advertising. I may never have a 9-5, but at least I've got my integrity. You can pay the heating bill with integrity, right?
My favorite color is all of them. But all this "get a job" talk makes me only feel like painting in grayscale.
Art. Who needs it? There's more to life than just that one thing you've always been incredibly passionate about that's informed your entire identity to the point that you don't know how to function without it, right? That was sarcasm, by the way. I'd be a pretty crummy booth girl if it wasn't.

Gift

How interesting. Perhaps I can use it in our booth's collaborative art piece to introduce a "found object" sculptural element?

Poke

Eek! Who told you about my secret ticklish spot? Haha, no fair!

Upgrade to Frenemy

People always compliment me on my talent. It makes me wonder... is that the only thing about me that has any value? And does talent even have value, if you cannot support yourself on it?
Anyway, can you swing by my friend Sawyer's booth to grab some corn for us? I'm starving.

Frenemy

Justifying my area of study over and over has me feeling fairly uninspired. It's nice to be able to talk about it, though, so thanks for hanging around my booth and making art with me!

Sorry

Don't be afraid to add your mark to our collaborative piece! You can never "wreck" an artwork that by design invites participation. There can be no handprint turkeys without little hands brave enough to create!
You know something? I'm glad I'm majoring in Fine Arts instead of something more practical like Advertising. I may never have a 9-5, but at least I've got my integrity. You can pay the heating bill with integrity, right?
My favorite color is all of them. But all this "get a job" talk makes me only feel like painting in grayscale.
Art. Who needs it? There's more to life than just that one thing you've always been incredibly passionate about that's informed your entire identity to the point that you don't know how to function without it, right? That was sarcasm, by the way. I'd be a pretty crummy booth girl if it wasn't.
Going by what everyone says about my post-grad prospects, I'm probably going to end up being a sandwich artist. At least my family will be proud of me for getting a "real job."
I am more than my art. I also enjoy... Beachcombing. And thrift stores. And houseplants!
Sometimes I know who I am, and sometimes I don't. I am a perpetual work-in-progress. Although I think here at S.T.F. University, the preferred term is "General Studies Major"!
Tell me more about your hobbies. I understand you have quite a lot of them - on top of several jobs. Are you a time traveler, or do you just bore easily?
I rarely finish anything. New ideas pour in, and I can't help but chase them, regardless of what I'm leaving behind. That makes me a flake, doesn't it? Flakey Lake... I wonder if I'll ever graduate.

Gift

Why are you being so nice to me? I'm just the girl running the Fine Arts booth. Well, anyway... Thank you.

Poke

Eek! Who told you about my secret ticklish spot? Haha, no fair!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

You keep stopping by my booth repeatedly. Do you... enjoy spending time with me? Why?
Oh! Um... It's a question I ask all my classmates and professors. It's my way of trying to understand something... Not about them, but about myself.

Acquaintance

I'd better figure out my talking points about the benefits of an arts education soon, or they'll kick me out of the festival, or worse... revoke my artistic license!

Talk

Sometimes I know who I am, and sometimes I don't. I am a perpetual work-in-progress. Although I think here at S.T.F. University, the preferred term is "General Studies Major"!
Tell me more about your hobbies. I understand you have quite a lot of them - on top of several jobs. Are you a time traveler, or do you just bore easily?
I rarely finish anything. New ideas pour in, and I can't help but chase them, regardless of what I'm leaving behind. That makes me a flake, doesn't it? Flakey Lake... I wonder if I'll ever graduate.
What is style, anyway? Is it not merely a set of characteristics, repeated until each piece is little more than a facsimile of the one before? Ahh, maybe I need a brain break.
Does every cloud have a silver lining, or only the ones that block out the sun? If I'm not creating something beautiful, does the darkness win? When does Art Theory stop and Philosophy begin?

Gift

Why are you being so nice to me? I'm just the girl running the Fine Arts booth. Well, anyway... Thank you.

Poke

Eek! Who told you about my secret ticklish spot? Haha, no fair!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

I reserve the right to use anything you say or do as inspiration for future creative projects.
It's a compliment! You're a very interesting person, and unlike the A.I. meat grinder, I promise that whatever you inspire me to create will have the correct amount of fingers and teeth.

Friendzoned

Seeing different mediums come together at the booth has inspired me to create a new conceptual piece of my own! I'm calling it "Cow Describing a Suitcase" and it's made of ink and chewing gum. I'm so going to get an A!

Talk

I wish I had even a little of Sawyer's confidence. She's so carefree. She radiates happiness. Plus, she's toned like a marble statue. Sometimes I don't know if I want to be her, or be with her!
Art is what makes us human. Unless... Do you believe in space aliens? Do you think they make art too? I'd be embarrassed to ask that in class, but I'm excited to hear your thoughts!
Careful! I added glitter to the mediums available for use in the booth. Once it's on you, it never goes away.
I collect ephemera. Ticket stubs, postcards, people's shopping lists, bits of string, lonely buttons... You get the picture. It's not for any artistic reason, I just find that stuff fascinating.
Watching paint dry really isn't that bad of a pastime. It gives you time to breathe, to reflect, and to think up great comebacks you'd wish you'd thought of during that heated debate last semester.
I'm teaching a painting class at the animal shelter for extra credit and to help raise funds. Would you come? Pets aren't allowed in the dorms, but that might not be enough to stop me from adopting all of the them!
Yesterday I ran out of clean brushes, so I used my braid. I spent three hours washing the paint out of my hair afterwards, and I just kept thinking... Is this what it means to suffer for your art?

Gift

You are a true patron of the arts.

Poke

Eek! Who told you about my secret ticklish spot? Haha, no fair!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

I was going to ask you to take a selfie with me earlier, but you were checking out the other booths... So I drew this picture of us instead!
Full disclosure, I spent way too long stalking your social media for reference photos. You're really cute, did you know that?

Awkward Besties

To draw with a broken pencil is pointless.

Flirt

Careful! I added glitter to the mediums available for use in the booth. Once it's on you, it never goes away.
I collect ephemera. Ticket stubs, postcards, people's shopping lists, bits of string, lonely buttons... You get the picture. It's not for any artistic reason, I just find that stuff fascinating.
Watching paint dry really isn't that bad of a pastime. It gives you time to breathe, to reflect, and to think up great comebacks you'd wish you'd thought of during that heated debate last semester.
I'm teaching a painting class at the animal shelter for extra credit and to help raise funds. Would you come? Pets aren't allowed in the dorms, but that might not be enough to stop me from adopting all of the them!
Yesterday I ran out of clean brushes, so I used my braid. I spent three hours washing the paint out of my hair afterwards, and I just kept thinking... Is this what it means to suffer for your art?
Let's go thrift shopping after the festival. I've got the urge to upcycle something.
The sculpture is already complete within the marble block. Michelangelo. Do you suppose it's like that for humans? Do I create myself, or do I find myself by chipping away at everything I'm not?
I accidentally dipped my paintbrush in my coffee. And took a sip from my dirty paint water cup. Hashtag artist problems. Being tired enough to make a mistake like that? Hashtag undergrad problems!

Gift

You are a true patron of the arts.

Poke

Eek! Who told you about my secret ticklish spot? Haha, no fair!

Upgrade to Crush

I was talking to Sawyer when she stopped by my booth earlier. She was right about you! You're incredible. You're so sweet, funny, charming, good looking, inspiring...
I'm starting to feel like I might have to fight her and the whole Dentistry Department for you! Or learn to share. Heehee!

Crush

I told my art teacher I could paint with all the colors of the wind. She told me that wasn't part of the rubric...

Flirt

I've been struggling to write my artist's statement. I don't know how to summarize myself or my work. Sometimes I even wonder if the truest statement... Would be not making one at all.
For my midterm piece I'd like to recreate Klimt's "The Kiss." Of course, that means I require a partner to pose with me. Would you be willing to... Do that? Kiss me, I mean?
I love the rain. I love the way it morphs the world into something like an impressionist painting. On rainy days I sit by the studio window, watching, and it soothes my soul.
That color looks great on you. It suits your undertones and really brings out your eyes. Good choice. You know, we're always looking for students with an inherent understanding of color theory...
I'm going to tell you a secret. Sometimes, I take fan art commissions. Of a certain... Risqué nature. You know. Rhymes with corn? You see, it's VERY lucrative... and tuition is VERY expensive...

Gift

Oh, it's perfect! They should give you an honorary BFA, because you've got this gift-giving thing down to a fine art!

Poke

Ahahaha! Noo! I'm ridiculously ticklish. Heeheehee!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

I made something for you. A bouquet of paper flowers. But so many prospective students stopped me to admire them that... I ended up giving them all away.
It's in keeping with the spirit of the festival and... I figured it's what you would have done, so thanks again for the inspiration. We spread a lot of joy today.

Sweetheart

Sorry, did you say something? I was distracted by your aura. I've been trying to mix a shade of chartreuse like that for weeks now.

Flirt

I love the rain. I love the way it morphs the world into something like an impressionist painting. On rainy days I sit by the studio window, watching, and it soothes my soul.
That color looks great on you. It suits your undertones and really brings out your eyes. Good choice. You know, we're always looking for students with an inherent understanding of color theory...
I'm going to tell you a secret. Sometimes, I take fan art commissions. Of a certain... Risqué nature. You know. Rhymes with corn? You see, it's VERY lucrative... and tuition is VERY expensive...
You, me, and Sawyer need to hang out sometime in our dorm. Play truth or dare. We looove that game... And it'd be extra fun to play with our favorite person!
Would you like to... Vincent van Gogh out with me? That's not actually how you pronounce his name, I was just trying to be cute.
Can I have a hug? You give the best hugs. I can feel my midterm stress melting away like a wax crayon under a hair dryer.
Have you heard of the Michelangelo effect? It's a theory in psychology about how couples "sculpt" each other into their perfect selves over time. I think it's so romantic.

Gift

Oh, it's perfect! They should give you an honorary BFA, because you've got this gift-giving thing down to a fine art!

Poke

Ahahaha! Noo! I'm ridiculously ticklish. Heeheehee!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

What are we? No, don't answer that. Labels are like declaring your major: useful, but also limiting. Unless...
Sorry, I seem to be overthinking again. Whatever we are or aren't, the really important thing is that... We're happy.

Girlfriend

I've been drawing all day, and now I've got a hand cramp. Do you think you could massage it out for me?

Flirt

You, me, and Sawyer need to hang out sometime in our dorm. Play truth or dare. We looove that game... And it'd be extra fun to play with our favorite person!
Would you like to... Vincent van Gogh out with me? That's not actually how you pronounce his name, I was just trying to be cute.
Can I have a hug? You give the best hugs. I can feel my midterm stress melting away like a wax crayon under a hair dryer.
Have you heard of the Michelangelo effect? It's a theory in psychology about how couples "sculpt" each other into their perfect selves over time. I think it's so romantic.

Gift

Yes... Yes! THIS is the inspiration I've been looking for! Thank you!

Poke

Ahahaha! Noo! I'm ridiculously ticklish. Heeheehee!

Upgrade to Lover

We just learned about Picasso's "Blue Period" in class, and now I think I'm entering my "Marshmallow Period!" This is the time in my studies when I'll paint nothing but portraits of you.
Maybe one day the student will become the studied, and scholars and art historians will analyze our love through my brush strokes? Heehee.

Lover

What do you say we paint the campus red tonight? And all the other colors, too! I'll bring extra coveralls and a couple of sponge rollers.

Seduce

I want to paint a self-portrait to capture whatever it is you see in me. I just sketched a concept of myself draped across the North American landscape. I'll call it "The Great Lakes."
I'd like to sit on the grass of the quad with you and talk about the distinction between art and not-art. Followed by a passionate makeout session. Are you in?
Mona Lisa's smile has nothing on yours.
Out of all the booths in all the school festivals, you walked into mine.
Would you pose nude for me? I'm not planning to sketch you or anything, I just enjoy looking.
I love your addition to the collaborative piece! You have the best ideas. I really mean that. I'm madly in love with your brain. Also your face. And your body. You're the whole package!
I could use a cuddle right about now. I'm covered in paint, though, so I should probably change first. Or just undress completely. Naked cuddles are the best cuddles, after all.
Your face is a golden ratio. So is your butt. From head to toe, you are mathematical and artistic perfection. We should be studying you as a part of our coursework!
I woke up incredibly early to paint the sunrise, but it was overcast so I thought I'd paint the clouds instead. Then I realized... I can't paint the clouds. They're too far away for my brush to reach!
You're so sure of yourself. I bet you do your crossword puzzles with a pen. That would be... Very attractive.
You should spend the night at my dorm. I have a water bed! You'll feel like you're drifting off to sleep on a lake. Next to a Lake. Teehee.
I thought only sorrow could inspire great works of art. But being around you has made me really happy, and... I'm feeling more inspired than ever!
Spend the day in the studio with me. You can sit and watch me sculpt you. Watch my hands slide over your body, caressing you... Then maybe you can do the same to me.

Gift

Yes... Yes! THIS is the inspiration I've been looking for! Thank you!

Poke

Eeee! I can't think straight when you do that! I can't think straight most of the time, but still!

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] What a starry night that was. I should send you a thank you gift. Would you prefer something traditional, like three sunflowers in a vase, or something more theatrical, like a plaster cast of my ear?
[Movie Theater] Finally, I've found someone who appreciates art house films as much as I do. Or at least tolerates them for my sake. Thank you. I had a lot of fun.
[Sightseeing] Those views were incredible! Next time, I'm going to bring my portable easel and do some plein air painting. I... Assume there will be a next time, yes?
[Beach] We are but grains of sand, packed and shaped by the hands of circumstance. I sculpted the layers of this sandwich to reflect the complexity of our collective truth... That, or I'm really hungry.

Ruri

Adversary

I was supposed to do some sort of presentation to tell people why S.T.F University is great, but a monkey could do that. I'm sure even you can see I have better things to do with my time.

Sorry

Are you flirting with me? Can you put a pin in that? I've got a lot to do, and getting aroused won't help. Well, it probably won't help. Anyway. I'm Ruri.
I did try and pay other students to do the project for me. Every single person I spoke to refused or was busy. I don't suppose you'd be more open than they were to moderate bribery?
I've received several emails from the dean threatening to put me on academic probation just because I refuse to participate in his little rah-rah event. Rascal.
I'm setting up a new cryptocurrency called SadPandaCoin. I've designed a super cute logo, so clearly it'd be a hit. But if I become a billionaire and drop out of school, what would I do instead?

Gift

Garbage can is under the desk. Oh wait, this is a gift? That's awkward.

Poke

Don't poke me.

Upgrade to Nuisance

I'm running several hypothetical scenarios regarding a global economy crash. There are weak areas a determined hacker could exploit. Doesn't that sound more important than a frivolous vanity list?
By the way, your romantic advances have been noted, and filed for later. Imagine flirting at a time like this. You'd best grab an energy drink, because you're thirsty.

Nuisance

I've been trying to think of a way to get out of presenting. Do you think faking my death is too drastic? Of course, now that you know my plan, you'd have to fake yours too.

Sorry

I'm setting up a new cryptocurrency called SadPandaCoin. I've designed a super cute logo, so clearly it'd be a hit. But if I become a billionaire and drop out of school, what would I do instead?
I suppose just because STFU's anticipated project outcome is below my skill set, it doesn't mean I have to perform below my skill set. Hm. I need to think. And have an energy drink.
Hacking for a purpose is no fun. I much prefer it when I just do it for lulz. Never turn your passion into a job. That's why I'm going to be a robotics programmer, and do my hacking in my spare time.
What am I so busy working on, you ask? I've been trying to get Doom to run on my kettle. It's purely analog, but I've got a good feeling I can get it to work.
Hmm. Bad news, the school computers don't have the processing capacity to adequately handle my program. You're just going to have to help me mod them. Don't screw this up.

Gift

Garbage can is under the desk. Oh wait, this is a gift? That's awkward.

Poke

Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed being tickled? Thought to yourself, "Man, I could use some more of this." That's what I thought.

Upgrade to Frenemy

Sure, I could put something together in three minutes that highlights the points I need to make. But I don't really want my name on something so... *shudder* basic. You understand, right?
Telling me you'd be interested in "seeing what I've got" is irrelevant. Unless I was to adapt the project to my standards, that is. Which... hm. Could work.

Frenemy

One moment. I'm almost done coding my new app. It's a casual game with cute art, tons of microtransactions, and loot boxes. If I get my professors addicted, I can levy premium items for bonus credit.

Sorry

I suppose just because STFU's anticipated project outcome is below my skill set, it doesn't mean I have to perform below my skill set. Hm. I need to think. And have an energy drink.
Hacking for a purpose is no fun. I much prefer it when I just do it for lulz. Never turn your passion into a job. That's why I'm going to be a robotics programmer, and do my hacking in my spare time.
What am I so busy working on, you ask? I've been trying to get Doom to run on my kettle. It's purely analog, but I've got a good feeling I can get it to work.
Hmm. Bad news, the school computers don't have the processing capacity to adequately handle my program. You're just going to have to help me mod them. Don't screw this up.
Spin. Spin. Spin in my chair... Oh hey, didn't see you there. I was... Meditating. With centripetal force.
So I hacked your phone and looked through your photos. You've got quite the collection. I hope you don't mind, but I added a few of myself in there. You're welcome.
Oof. I'm tired and feel all weird and stuff. I shouldn't have done that espresso drop shot in my kombucha. My body is punishing me for bad choices. If you want to stick around, make with the shhh.
I like keyboards. Because 'U' and 'I' are right there, side by side. Also, the letters 'X', 'S', and 'E' are all relatively close.
Would you please go get me some food? I haven't eaten in 11 hours, and I'm too lazy to go to the student cafeteria. Oh! Unless you want to get dressed up for sushi! Yeah, sushi!

Gift

This... isn't going to help with my presentation at all. I'd show you what I have so far, but I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain how it's going to work.

Poke

Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed being tickled? Thought to yourself, "Man, I could use some more of this." That's what I thought.

Upgrade to Acquaintance

I got distracted playing Alliance of Allies and neglected working on the STFU presentation. I'm usually so far ahead in my classes that deadlines mean nothing to me. I feel mildly inconvenienced.
Is this what normal students feel like all the time? Well, it sucks. Kk, whatevs. I'm over it. Since this was your idea, you can keep me company and text me cute Crash Crash memes. Here's my number.

Acquaintance

Sup. I decided to program an interactive experience for STFU's Open House, so anyone with an internet connection and a VR headset can participate. I know, it's genius. The dean will be thrilled.

Talk

Oof. I'm tired and feel all weird and stuff. I shouldn't have done that espresso drop shot in my kombucha. My body is punishing me for bad choices. If you want to stick around, make with the shhh.
I like keyboards. Because 'U' and 'I' are right there, side by side. Also, the letters 'X', 'S', and 'E' are all relatively close.
Would you please go get me some food? I haven't eaten in 11 hours, and I'm too lazy to go to the student cafeteria. Oh! Unless you want to get dressed up for sushi! Yeah, sushi!
Do you get motion sickness? Do you have any problems with depth perception? How's your peripheral vision? Take your time. I need accurate parameters.
I must caution you. I'm not much of a conversationalist, and I have a few triggers that may or may not launch me into a diatribe. Like "online privacy" and "mandatory school events".

Gift

This... isn't going to help with my presentation at all. I'd show you what I have so far, but I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain how it's going to work.

Poke

Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed being tickled? Thought to yourself, "Man, I could use some more of this." That's what I thought.

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Alright, the build is almost at a working stage. Just a few more rounds of bug hunting, and we won't have to be on the lookout for the dean or the probation committee.
I enjoy how this experience has brought us closer together. You know what they say - you never know someone until you do a group project together. Yes, your name is on this too. In case they hate it.

Friendzoned

You know, it's not so much that I don't enjoy a good project, it's that I didn't find this one particularly interesting. *sigh* Thank you, I guess, for making it more of a challenge for me.

Talk

Hold on a sec. I'm hacking into the school's security system. I'll overlay the camera feed on my virtual model. It'll increase the realism of the overall experience. It's almost like cheating...
People say you reassess your priorities in your university years. They are mistaken. My priorities were already strongly vetted, and remain largely unchanged. Keeping you around is the only new one.
Hmm. I think I'm going to build a new computer today. It's been at least 20 days since I last did that. That's probably long enough, right?
I did a bit of digging, and need you to explain something to me. You make a lot of money. And you're somehow doing this on several simultaneous minimum wage jobs. How does that make sense?
People really don't know what actual hacking looks like. It's hours of soul draining work. Often I just call the place I want to hack, and flirt with the receptionist. Works like a charm.
Hey, just so we're really clear on this subject... You've got a nice butt. That's all. Back to the show.
Unfortunately, these glasses are not for show. I won the genetic lottery with this brain and this butt, but I got old lady eyes in exchange. I think it was a fair deal.

Gift

Thanks. This is cool.

Poke

Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed being tickled? Thought to yourself, "Man, I could use some more of this." That's what I thought.

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

Yay, we did it. The alpha build is complete, and everyone leveled up. Is this the part where we kiss the damsel? Or the part where the game tells us to watch an ad for more diamonds?
Meh, either way. But if we're doing the kissing thing, I'm going to insist you play the part of the damsel. I don't do "distress".

Awkward Besties

Almost there. Just a few hundred more lines of code. If you care to support me at this integral juncture, I will accept silent praise in the form of shoulder massages.

Flirt

Hmm. I think I'm going to build a new computer today. It's been at least 20 days since I last did that. That's probably long enough, right?
I did a bit of digging, and need you to explain something to me. You make a lot of money. And you're somehow doing this on several simultaneous minimum wage jobs. How does that make sense?
People really don't know what actual hacking looks like. It's hours of soul draining work. Often I just call the place I want to hack, and flirt with the receptionist. Works like a charm.
Hey, just so we're really clear on this subject... You've got a nice butt. That's all. Back to the show.
Unfortunately, these glasses are not for show. I won the genetic lottery with this brain and this butt, but I got old lady eyes in exchange. I think it was a fair deal.
Take this controller. I need you to test everything but the left trigger. For some reason it's double bound to toggle NSFW content and replace the background music with the sound of cats in heat.
I programmed an A.I. to write fanfic about us. I understand I could tell you my desires and dirty thoughts directly, but I want to watch your face while you read it. Besides, I genuinely enjoy fanfic.
I was genuinely confused when the RA told me I was using too much electricity. I thought it was a pick up line. Surely the outrageous tuition STFU charges me can cover it?

Gift

Thanks. This is cool.

Poke

Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed being tickled? Thought to yourself, "Man, I could use some more of this." That's what I thought.

Upgrade to Crush

Hey, what's up? Did you do more stuff to your face than usual? It's looking... Nice... What? Why are you looking at me like that? Haven't you ever heard a compliment before?
Well, burn that one into your memory. Because if you're going to keep giving me that goofy look everytime I say something nice to you, I'm going to suppress the urge... a little.

Crush

Come here. I need you to get stuff off a high shelf for me. And don't make fun. I'm little but I'm scrappy.

Flirt

I programmed us as NPCs in my simulation. If you follow them, they go make out in the computer lab. I'm going to need you to act that out with me to assure my simulation is accurate.
I like the occasional beer, but I'm a bit of a lightweight. One time I got wrecked on what turned out to be ginger ale. The placebo effect is a hell of a drug.
What do you think of my feet? On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is, "Put them on my junk" and 1 is "If you don't stop this right now, we can't be friends anymore"?
I was thinking about hacking into the gemstone exchange, and setting you up with infinite diamonds. But then I didn't. Shrug.
We should plan a heist sometime. Something sort of comical, that requires a crew and everything. I'll play the role of the hacker, and you can be the fall guy. This is a great plan.

Gift

Hmm. Yeah, I'll keep this. Good job. My taste in stuff is what you might call "esoteric", so kudos for finding something I like.

Poke

You caused me to breathe through my nose with slightly more force. That counts as laughter. I hope it sates your craving for revelry.

Upgrade to Sweetheart

I want to test something. Be quiet for a minute...
Huh. Sounds like the servers are stable. That's a relief. I'd say not to worry, but they could still explode in the next six to nine minutes. Want to make out until then, just in case?

Sweetheart

Thanks for dropping by. I like your face.

Flirt

What do you think of my feet? On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is, "Put them on my junk" and 1 is "If you don't stop this right now, we can't be friends anymore"?
I was thinking about hacking into the gemstone exchange, and setting you up with infinite diamonds. But then I didn't. Shrug.
We should plan a heist sometime. Something sort of comical, that requires a crew and everything. I'll play the role of the hacker, and you can be the fall guy. This is a great plan.
I figured out a formula to perfectly graph your face on a TI-84. That's about as romantic as I get. But, real talk here - pretty cool hey?
STFU, an interactive and immersive guide is some of my best work. A.I. led 3D rendering, full controller support, crypto compatible microtransactions... I wouldn't have done it without you. Thanks.
I was thinking about getting a tattoo. Some circuits or Feynman diagrams or something. But then I remembered that tattoos come from thousands of needle stabbings, and came to my senses.
We're going to the food stalls. Yes I said "stalls". Plural. Did you think we only had a corn stand? No. I'm going to buy you Dosa. Don't ask questions, I... wanted to do something nice.

Gift

Hmm. Yeah, I'll keep this. Good job. My taste in stuff is what you might call "esoteric", so kudos for finding something I like.

Poke

You caused me to breathe through my nose with slightly more force. That counts as laughter. I hope it sates your craving for revelry.

Upgrade to Girlfriend

Without you, I never would have started this. I think we make a good pair. For projects. And as a couple. For clarity's sake, please define the following: Girlfriend == True?
Nice. I was hoping you would say that. Now let's hope our code is as stable as my future career in robotics. If it is, our relationship will be bug free.

Girlfriend

Mmm. Feeling a bit low. Mind if I make some tea and lay my head on your lap? I could use a batch of normal human affection.

Flirt

I figured out a formula to perfectly graph your face on a TI-84. That's about as romantic as I get. But, real talk here - pretty cool hey?
STFU, an interactive and immersive guide is some of my best work. A.I. led 3D rendering, full controller support, crypto compatible microtransactions... I wouldn't have done it without you. Thanks.
I was thinking about getting a tattoo. Some circuits or Feynman diagrams or something. But then I remembered that tattoos come from thousands of needle stabbings, and came to my senses.
We're going to the food stalls. Yes I said "stalls". Plural. Did you think we only had a corn stand? No. I'm going to buy you Dosa. Don't ask questions, I... wanted to do something nice.

Gift

I'm still not sure I trust where you get your money from, but I appreciate your generosity.

Poke

You caused me to breathe through my nose with slightly more force. That counts as laughter. I hope it sates your craving for revelry.

Upgrade to Lover

I've given it a lot of thought, and I would like us to be lovers. I am very physically attracted to you, and I find you oddly charming. Does that... Read? I mean, I can put all this into a data sheet, if it helps my case.
Okay, cool. I like the way you run your fingers through my hair. And the way you massage my legs like you're not "accidentally" caressing my butt. I'm on board all of this. Sign me up.

Lover

My hairstylist / therapist said I should make more of an effort to tell people how I feel. So here I go. *ahem*. My... No, our program is finished, and it's great. I appreciate everything you've done.

Seduce

There's something magical about completely analog machines. Whenever I see a windmill or apple peeler, I get kind of giddy. They're so clever.
At some point I want you to give me a piggyback. Whenever you can make that happen. I've always wanted one, and never know how to ask for one, so that's what this is. Please and thank you.
Hey. Gimme a backrub. You can get handsy or whatever. I've just got this knot that's making me reconsider sitting. And I love sitting. So... Help.
Can I ask you for a favor? Could you treat me like a normal girlfriend for a bit, and just let me hug you? Don't make fun of me. It's nice.
There's a frat party happening after the open house. I'm going to stand in the corner looking miserable for a couple hours. I could use company. See you there.
One of my all time favorite things is showing up to hacker competitions in my school uniform, and watching the raw confusion as I'm wrecking / arousing the other hackers. Delicious.
Your best quality by far is your body warmth. I have chilly hands and feet that need your sensitive crevasse. Come on, it's for the greater good.
Still working hard to impress me? That's good. Don't let me interrupt you.
Yes, my intelligence is sexy. Thank you for noticing. Would you like to look at my butt next? So you can notice it's sexy too?
Your body and my body should be closer together. Accepted variables include nuzzling, kissing, and cuddling. All arguments will be ignored.
Would you like me to come up with some pretense as to why I need to put my head in your lap? Or will you just accept that I think it's comfortable and want to?
Huh. I just realized you remind me of a golden retriever. That's not a bad thing. Especially since you don't shed as much. Good doggy.
I'm not usually this sentimental so listen up. I wouldn't have made a presentation at all if it wasn't for you. And I'm actually kind of proud of the way it turned out. Thanks.

Gift

I'm still not sure I trust where you get your money from, but I appreciate your generosity.

Poke

*Giggle* Okay okay, hands off. Weirdo.

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] Thanks for the walk. Now I can sit in the computer lab for the next nine hours guilt free.
[Movie Theater] Hmm. They really butchered the source material with that adaptation. But in fairness, the original comic book was a bit of a fever nightmare. Want to see it again?
[Sightseeing] I'm not sure what's with you and walking places, but that was fine. Crunchy leaves and all that.
[Beach] There was a surprisingly strong wifi signal at that beach. What a wonderful time to be alive.

Ayeka

First Meeting

(You’re walking through Lecture Hall A when you see something horrifying. There’s caution tape strung across the room, blood splattered everywhere, and a human-shaped chalk outline on the floor!)
Ayeka: "Hi! Welcome to our mock crime scene. Would you like to try and solve the case? (Oh wow, you're really cute... ) Eep!"
Ayeka: "H-h-here’s your special investigator notepad... and a tiny pencil! Best of luck to you! (And me...)"
(Now you get it! This is another festival activity. How fun and not at all terrifying!)

Adversary

On behalf of the Criminology program, I hereby designate you… Rookie Investigator!

Sorry

Oh! H-h-h-hi, Rookie. Are you... enjoying the Open House and Cultural Festival so far? Okay bye.
I wasn't staring at you! I was staring at... that wall. It's so... Load bearing.
Rookie! I-I-I-I-I was just following you to make sure you didn't need help with the investigation. I'll stop!
Oh, hello Rookie... Fancy running into you here, at my mock crime scene, where you're currently hanging out...

Gift

You're giving this to me? What for? You don't think this is a clue related to the mock crime scene, do you? Because it's not.

Poke

Me? B-but you only just got started! Why would you think I'm the perpetrator? Point your finger somewhere else, Rookie!

Upgrade to Nuisance

Of course it's not a real crime sce- oh! You're just asking for a hint? Oh my. Of course!
Have you ever done an escape room? This is kind of like that! Try searching the room more... thoroughly. You can touch anything! (Even me...)

Nuisance

You're so dedicated, Rookie. Trying out all the different activities at the festival just to make others happy.

Sorry

Oh, hello Rookie... Fancy running into you here, at my mock crime scene, where you're currently hanging out...
Hahaha! I wasn’t expecting anyone so… friendly and nice (...and good looking) to come check out my crime scene! It’s making me nervous. In a good way!
Have you seen all the different booths and activities yet? Which one's your favorite? Who do you think put in the most work? Who do you think is the prettiest?
What sort of movies do you like, Rookie? I like thrillers, slasher flicks, and documentaries about crime...
(P-p-p-please notice me...)

Gift

You're giving this to me? What for? You don't think this is a clue related to the mock crime scene, do you? Because it's not.

Poke

Oh! You're tickling me. That means your fingerprints are on me now. Teehee!

Upgrade to Frenemy

Oh, hello Rookie. I was just thinking about you. I mean, just wondering if you were enjoying the activity. I wasn't, like, thinking about your lips or anything.
Umm... I have to go. I have a midterm exam to write. Right now. Goodbye.

Frenemy

I saw you talking to that Fine Arts student earlier. She's the one who helped me draw the chalk outline for my fake crime scene. Is she... your girlfriend?

Sorry

Hahaha! I wasn’t expecting anyone so… friendly and nice (...and good looking) to come check out my crime scene! It’s making me nervous. In a good way!
Have you seen all the different booths and activities yet? Which one's your favorite? Who do you think put in the most work? Who do you think is the prettiest?
What sort of movies do you like, Rookie? I like thrillers, slasher flicks, and documentaries about crime...
(P-p-p-please notice me...)
Good afternoon, Rookie! I brought you lunch from the student cafeteria! Unless you're not hungry, then - boop! Right in the garbage!
Hahaha! You're so clever, Rookie. I bet you're going to solve the case in no time.
Oh Rookie, you have such a soothing voice. You should start a true crime podcast! I'd listen to it every week.
I haven't seen you around the school before, Rookie. You must be thinking about enrolling next semester? At least, I hope you are...
I don't like my classmates very much. They're all gossipy, deviant little tarts... Err - just kidding! They're great, and you should definitely join our program!

Gift

Oh thank you! I've always wanted one of these. For as long as I've known that they exist!

Poke

Oh! You're tickling me. That means your fingerprints are on me now. Teehee!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

(You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you, byotch...)
Oh! Hello Rookie! I was just rehearsing for the first time I arrest someone. No one in particular! Right, gotta go.

Acquaintance

I hate pointless essays so much. Why do professors assign so many pointless essays? I'd rather practice administering polygraph tests... Or grilling suspects until they cry!

Talk

Oh Rookie, you have such a soothing voice. You should start a true crime podcast! I'd listen to it every week.
I haven't seen you around the school before, Rookie. You must be thinking about enrolling next semester? At least, I hope you are...
I don't like my classmates very much. They're all gossipy, deviant little tarts... Err - just kidding! They're great, and you should definitely join our program!
Oh man, the friendzone is a scary thought, isn't it? I'd rather die than get stuck there.
What! No! I haven’t been doodling your name in my notebooks! You saw nothing! And even if you did, witness testimony is extremely unreliable!

Gift

Oh thank you! I've always wanted one of these. For as long as I've known that they exist!

Poke

Oh! You're tickling me. That means your fingerprints are on me now. Teehee!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Rookie, you're here. Did you drop by... just to chat with me?
Oh, of course not! You need help uncovering the next clue. For the... mock crime scene. Of course. I'll be back. Wait here. No, wait, don't do that. Umm - please excuse me!

Friendzoned

Let the punishment fit the crime is a great motto. Because there's all sorts of terrible crimes you can punish!

Talk

You’re not secretly a criminal, are you Rookie? It’d be terrible if I had to frisk you or put you in handcuffs…
Be careful around that Ruri girl. Pretty sure she’s involved in some sort of cybercrime. In my opinion. Allegedly. Don’t come for me if you're a Ruri fan.
I had a dream last night that I was accused of a heinous crime. The prosecutor was that scary “take a bite out of crime” dog, and my defense attorney was a phoenix!
Rookie, I have something for you... It's a... Handshake. Put'er there.
I had a lot of fun putting this mock crime scene together. A LOT of fun.
Next semester, we get to start learning about forensic genealogy! Can you imagine finding out you’re related to a serial killer? How exciting…*ahem* I mean, how scary would that be?
I wonder what it’s like to get away with murd… er... uh, solve a cold case. I wonder what it’s like to solve a cold case.

Gift

This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given me! Actually, no one else has ever given me anything. My interest in true crime makes people think I'm "weird"...

Poke

Oh! You're tickling me. That means your fingerprints are on me now. Teehee!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

I'm sorry I freaked out so bad last time we spoke like this. Do you... Do you think you're interested in attending S.T.F. University?
If you major in criminology, then we'll be classmates. We could even be friends! I love making friends. Good friends are what make life worth living.

Awkward Besties

I wore my hair up today, but I shouldn't have. Ponytails are too easy for kidnappers to grab. Maybe you could... walk me back to my dorm tonight? To make sure I'm safe?

Flirt

I had a dream last night that I was accused of a heinous crime. The prosecutor was that scary “take a bite out of crime” dog, and my defense attorney was a phoenix!
Rookie, I have something for you... It's a... Handshake. Put'er there.
I had a lot of fun putting this mock crime scene together. A LOT of fun.
Next semester, we get to start learning about forensic genealogy! Can you imagine finding out you’re related to a serial killer? How exciting…*ahem* I mean, how scary would that be?
I wonder what it’s like to get away with murd… er... uh, solve a cold case. I wonder what it’s like to solve a cold case.
Do you believe in the justice system, Rookie? I do. And I believe it's our duty to do everything in our power to make sure justice is served.
What’s the verdict, Rookie? Have you solved the case yet? If it’s too difficult, I can give you the answer. I don’t mind. I just want you to be happy!
I think... that it should be illegal to be as cute as you are! Eep!

Gift

This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given me! Actually, no one else has ever given me anything. My interest in true crime makes people think I'm "weird"...

Poke

Oh! You're tickling me. That means your fingerprints are on me now. Teehee!

Upgrade to Crush

So, earlier, my best friend Generica asked me if I had a crush on you. Isn't that crazy?
I mean, could you imagine? If I had a crush on you. And thought about you all the time. And dreamt about you at night. We just met! That's so embarrassing.

Crush

Do you ever have dreams that inspire you to change your life and dedicate it to a single purpose for the rest of eternity? I had a dream about murder... And now here I am, a Criminology major!

Flirt

My heart is racing! You make me feel like I've been caught doing something bad! Hahaha!
When I look at you, I see someone worth fighting for. Worth sacrificing for. Worth... bending the law for. Don't tell anyone I said that!
I’m making a list. It’s titled, “Ayeka’s Most Wanted”, and the only person on it is you.
I really love this school. Although there are some members of the student body I’m not so sure about. Namely the jocks, the artists, the programmers, the weird special-interest groups… Oh, and don’t get me started on the cheerleaders!
Have you met Generica? She’s the best. We’ve been friends ever since we both reached for the library’s only copy of “Violent Ends & Unfinished Business: Why Some Murder Victims Become Ghosts”.

Gift

Wow, what a nice gift! Did you get this from the Home Economics booth? Oh Rookie, you're spoiling me!

Poke

You're so funny, Rookie! Haha! Haha!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

Do you think, Rookie, that we could maybe go out sometime? Just as friends. I mean, what else would we go as? Partners in crime?
Great! Let's say maybe tonight? I'll pack us a snack and we can walk around in the moonlight like a pair of great friends!

Sweetheart

How's my favorite crime scene investigator? Are you any closer to figuring out the mystery? I could give you a hint. Or a kiss. Whatever!

Flirt

I’m making a list. It’s titled, “Ayeka’s Most Wanted”, and the only person on it is you.
I really love this school. Although there are some members of the student body I’m not so sure about. Namely the jocks, the artists, the programmers, the weird special-interest groups… Oh, and don’t get me started on the cheerleaders!
Have you met Generica? She’s the best. We’ve been friends ever since we both reached for the library’s only copy of “Violent Ends & Unfinished Business: Why Some Murder Victims Become Ghosts”.
Rookie! You... You noticed me! I'm so happy!
You're under arrest for breaking & entering! Into my heart, that is...
As far as I’m concerned, your smile is your get out of jail free card. If you smiled at me, I’d probably let you get away with murder! Haha! Where did my conscience go?
I'm going to make you so happy, Rookie. I'll do anything for you. Anything.

Gift

Wow, what a nice gift! Did you get this from the Home Economics booth? Oh Rookie, you're spoiling me!

Poke

You're so funny, Rookie! Haha! Haha!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

Do you know what's a weird word? "Girlfriend". I mean, I'm a girl. And I'm your friend. So that sort of makes me a girl-friend, right?
YAY! I mean, yeah. Language is weird. Thanks for helping me clear that up.

Girlfriend

I'm carrying my lucky handcuffs today! *giggle* No no, not my "get lucky" handcuffs, you silly!

Flirt

Rookie! You... You noticed me! I'm so happy!
You're under arrest for breaking & entering! Into my heart, that is...
As far as I’m concerned, your smile is your get out of jail free card. If you smiled at me, I’d probably let you get away with murder! Haha! Where did my conscience go?
I'm going to make you so happy, Rookie. I'll do anything for you. Anything.

Gift

Oh my gosh! Rookie, you're going to go broke being so nice to me. Please don't jeopardize your financial well being for me! Save some for your student loans!

Poke

You're so funny, Rookie! Haha! Haha!

Upgrade to Lover

Have you figured out the mock crime scene yet? Do you want me to give you the answer?
The culprit was… me! Yep, it was Ayeka all along. The lesson is: criminals ALWAYS return to the scene of the crime. So what do you think? Isn’t Criminology a blast!?

Lover

Let's skip the festival today and lie in bed. I'll make you lunch. We can do whatever you want.

Seduce

Today I got scared that I was dreaming. So I pinched my arm until it bled. Nope! Not a dream!
I just thought of something romantic we could do. Jury duty!
Hello Rookie! Every time I feel gloomy, or the chill of overwhelming darkness, I think of you and feel much better!
My love for you will never die. I know that beyond a reasonable doubt.
The term "crime of passion" makes so much more sense to me now that I have passion in my life!
Did you know that most female killers use poison? If I were a killer, which I’m obviously not, I’d use a knife instead. *sigh* It’s nice that I can say these things to you without being judged.
I was thinking about getting a tattoo. Would it be weird if it was of your face?
I'll be glad when the Cultural Festival is finally over. We’ll be able to go on a proper date, and it won't even be a school night!
Know what would be cute? A study date at the library! Would you do that with me, Rookie? Or would you prefer some other girl?
Wanna have a tickle fight? I have this spare fingerprint dusting brush we can play with…
Never change, Rookie. Stay this way, with me, forever! Young and in love and in school!
If I pass out, it's because you make my heart race so fast. Either that, or someone poisoned me. You'll apprehend the suspect and get justice at any cost, won't you Rookie?
Can I tell you a secret? I think that… resisting arrest… is kinda hawt.

Gift

Oh my gosh! Rookie, you're going to go broke being so nice to me. Please don't jeopardize your financial well being for me! Save some for your student loans!

Poke

Tee hee! You've got such strong hands, Rookie. Better be careful... You wouldn't want to accidentally use excessive force when apprehending a suspect...

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] A lot of crime happens at night. It's so much easier sneaking up on people in the darkness. But as long as you’re with me, I feel safe.
[Movie Theater] What a great movie! I'm sure glad nobody talked during it. That makes me SO mad!
[Sightseeing] Did you see that pigeon?! They freak me out. There's a reason why a group of them is called a "murder" you know. Or wait... is that crows?
[Beach] I love fresh crab. They never serve anything so decadent in the student cafeteria!

Generica

First Meeting

(You come across a dark and spooky classroom. A soundtrack of chainsaws and blood-curdling screams echoes through the cobweb-draped door. A girl greets you with an eerie stare.)
Generica: "W E L C O M E . . . T O T H E H A U N T E D . . . H O U S E…"
Generica: "Heehee, just kidding! I don't really talk like that. But I'm glad you're here! Come stick your hand in this bowl of mysterious goop while I tell you about the Occult Club…"
(Without a second thought, you follow the pretty girl into the grimly-decorated classroom…)

Adversary

Shhhh! Did you hear that? I think there were creepy ghost sounds coming from the spirit box!

Sorry

One day, science will explain what the soul is, what a ghost is, and how we get paranormal phenomena. But that's only if we actually commit to studying it!
We don't have a spirit board. They tend to be kind of polarizing. What do you think of them?
Clubs surrounding ghosts and the paranormal have been recorded as early as 1862! It's a legitimate interest! You could help me prove it by joining?
I S E E D E A D P E O P L E. Or at least, I wish I did.

Gift

This is... um. Thanks! You must be a good person if you like giving gifts to strangers! Yay!

Poke

EEEK! Oh... Your hand is so cold I thought a ghost was touching me. Sorry for screaming... I just got so excited!

Upgrade to Nuisance

Take a look around! We've got EVP recorders, EMF readers, REM pods... FTW! Heehee. IMO they have too many acronyms in this industry... LOL!
You can test out anything you want! There's only one rule: ghosts are people too, so be respectful.

Nuisance

B O O ! Teehee! Did I frighten you? Are you a little on edge? G O O D . . .

Sorry

I S E E D E A D P E O P L E. Or at least, I wish I did.
People are happy calling every type of apparition a "ghost". It's like going to a zoo and saying you saw an animal! But YOU know the difference between a poltergeist and a phantom, right?
I should do a thermal imaging photobooth for next year's open house. Spirits could show up and photobomb people! Making believers out of skeptics and creating cute selfies all at the same time!
Spectres rarely appear with feet, and yet a common paranormal phenomenon is hearing disembodied footsteps. I wonder why that is...?
We hold seances at the Queen Bean coffee shop every Friday night. If you're curious, you should come! Plus, their lattes are to die for!

Gift

This is... um. Thanks! You must be a good person if you like giving gifts to strangers! Yay!

Poke

Hahaha! Oh no! Don't tickle me, I won't be able to hear if the REM pod goes off! Hahaha!

Upgrade to Frenemy

Oh spirits, ghosts, phantoms, spectres, apparitions, and souls of all sorts... I call to you... I invite you to participate in our Open House and Cultural Festival! Give me a sign! Are you there?
*Sigh* I wish STFU was built on an old graveyard or burial site. That way, maybe they could hear me better. Oh well! You're much more engaging to talk to. Yay!

Frenemy

Hey! I'm trying to find some new places to host Occult Club events. Your place isn't haunted, is it?

Sorry

People are happy calling every type of apparition a "ghost". It's like going to a zoo and saying you saw an animal! But YOU know the difference between a poltergeist and a phantom, right?
I should do a thermal imaging photobooth for next year's open house. Spirits could show up and photobomb people! Making believers out of skeptics and creating cute selfies all at the same time!
Spectres rarely appear with feet, and yet a common paranormal phenomenon is hearing disembodied footsteps. I wonder why that is...?
We hold seances at the Queen Bean coffee shop every Friday night. If you're curious, you should come! Plus, their lattes are to die for!
What do you think about the theory saying we appear as ghosts in other dimensions? I... don't know how I feel about it. Me? A ghost? I guess it could be more likely than I think...
I wish Mary Shelley were here. If anyone could convince people that ghosts exist, it would be her. Especially since she's been dead for almost two hundred years!
If you were a paranormal researcher, and I was a ghost, I'd be happy to put my hand under your microscope! Then you'd really get to see what ghosts are made of!
I'd love to meet a nice ghost who is willing to take class notes for me! It seems a waste that all they get to write are things like "help me", "run", or "murder".
I bet you'd look really cute as a ghost! Oh! Not - not that I want you to die! I want you to live forever! Haha! Oh dear...

Gift

I really appreciate your kindness but... would you mind if I put this in a silent auction? If other people like it as much as I do, that could make a lot of money for the Occult Club!

Poke

Hahaha! Oh no! Don't tickle me, I won't be able to hear if the REM pod goes off! Hahaha!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

It would make a huge difference if we greeted ghosts, people, and animals all the same way. Just walk up and say "Hi! I'm Generica! It's nice to meet you, and I'm happy you're here."
Just think, wouldn't you feel sad if you met someone for the first time and they screamed? Then they KEPT screaming every time they saw you? I'd haunt that person too!

Acquaintance

No matter their circumstances, no matter their language, no matter their vital signs, a smile is the best way to greet someone!

Talk

If you were a paranormal researcher, and I was a ghost, I'd be happy to put my hand under your microscope! Then you'd really get to see what ghosts are made of!
I'd love to meet a nice ghost who is willing to take class notes for me! It seems a waste that all they get to write are things like "help me", "run", or "murder".
I bet you'd look really cute as a ghost! Oh! Not - not that I want you to die! I want you to live forever! Haha! Oh dear...
Can you please mix up more goo for the slime bowl? We couldn't get any real ectoplasm, so we're just using green slime and aloe vera gel.
If we ever travel to Kenya, there won't be any evil or mean spirits there. Why? Because someone blessed the rains down in Africa! Teehee!

Gift

I really appreciate your kindness but... would you mind if I put this in a silent auction? If other people like it as much as I do, that could make a lot of money for the Occult Club!

Poke

Hahaha! Oh no! Don't tickle me, I won't be able to hear if the REM pod goes off! Hahaha!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Oh? I'm a little surprised you're still here. People have been looking around to be polite, but then they leave. Or make fun of me. Or both.
I'm delighted! Thank you for taking the time to learn about the Occult Club! It means a lot to me!

Friendzoned

Here! Take this complimentary spirit ward! It's a sticker, so you can put it anywhere! I also have them in glitter tattoos. Fun AND functional!

Talk

Every time my friend Ayeka uses the spirit box, it says "danger" over and over. Isn't that strange? I hope it's not predicting something bad happening to her...
What if when you died you had to get a ghost job? I've been thinking about that a lot lately... It would certainly explain why so many people hear ghosts weeping. I'd cry too.
I feel inspired when you're close to me. I mean, I was already pretty inspired, but you make me feel EXTRA inspired! Yay!
I think I would make a really good ghost. "I doom you to an eternity of bad haircuts and warm soda! OOooOO!" Teehee! How was that? Scary?
It's really refreshing to meet someone who's so full of spirit! Er, not in a "possessed" kind of way. In the "I think you're a bright and fun person" kind of way!
I can't imagine my life without you in it. You're so wonderful and supportive! I... hope I get to see a lot more of you! Even after the STFU Open House and Cultural Festival?
Would you say I'm 'hauntingly' beautiful? Hahaha! Wait, that's a really odd and sort of sad expression, now that I think about it.

Gift

Oh! Thank you so much! Is this cursed to be haunted by a young victorian child for all eternity? Oooh! I can't wait to find out!

Poke

Hahaha! Oh no! Don't tickle me, I won't be able to hear if the REM pod goes off! Hahaha!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

A lot more people are stopping by, and staying longer! I... I think it's because you're here. You are just so friendly and approachable! Um... Do you think you could keep hanging around?
Thank you. Please continue to be your wonderful self. Hehehe, you make me smile!

Awkward Besties

Ooh! I want to tell you one of my theories! You know when you feel something crawling on you, but when you look, there's nothing there? Those are the ghosts of all the bugs you've ever squished!

Flirt

I feel inspired when you're close to me. I mean, I was already pretty inspired, but you make me feel EXTRA inspired! Yay!
I think I would make a really good ghost. "I doom you to an eternity of bad haircuts and warm soda! OOooOO!" Teehee! How was that? Scary?
It's really refreshing to meet someone who's so full of spirit! Er, not in a "possessed" kind of way. In the "I think you're a bright and fun person" kind of way!
I can't imagine my life without you in it. You're so wonderful and supportive! I... hope I get to see a lot more of you! Even after the STFU Open House and Cultural Festival?
Would you say I'm 'hauntingly' beautiful? Hahaha! Wait, that's a really odd and sort of sad expression, now that I think about it.
The Occult Club strives to answer such important questions as: What counts as unfinished business? Can you become a ghost if you didn't return your library books? Inquiring minds want to know!
You might think something like a proton pack is just movie magic, but there's actually a lot of parapsychology behind it! Maybe... I could explain it to you? One-on-one? Over dinner?
I'm designing a podcast that'll talk about all the misconceptions surrounding Parapsychology! I'm calling it the Factual Apparition Knowledge Endeavor! FAKE for short. Wait...

Gift

Oh! Thank you so much! Is this cursed to be haunted by a young victorian child for all eternity? Oooh! I can't wait to find out!

Poke

Hahaha! Oh no! Don't tickle me, I won't be able to hear if the REM pod goes off! Hahaha!

Upgrade to Crush

I'd love it if you decided to study the occult with me! I can catch you up in no time. We'll start off with the simple stuff, like early ectoplasm photography!
Of course, we'll have to watch some of those ghost-hunting shows too. Not because they're informative, but because they're just so... ghastly!

Crush

Oh! The EMF reader just went off! It must be picking up on our magnetic connection! Heehee!

Flirt

EEEK! Oh gosh, I scared myself in the mirror again. I keep thinking I see a ghost. Maybe... maybe I should think about getting some sun. Ooh! Want to go to the beach?
Maybe ghosts only talk to other ghosts! We could wear sheets with eye-holes cut out of them and strike up a conversation. It'd be an undercover operation! Teehee!
Hey! Looking for someone to snuggle up with on the couch and watch movies with? Me too! Oh I love it when things work out! Let's watch Ghostnado! It's terrible, but also a cult classic.
Thanks to you, the haunted house is a hit! There's enough interest in our club and our research, we won't have to share a room with the Cryptozoology Club anymore! Which is good. They have some strange ideas.
Sorry, can you please repeat that? Sometimes I think all the white noise I listen to messes with my hearing, and I don't want to miss a thing you say!

Gift

This is so very kind! I wish I could keep it forever! Which makes me wonder... If we destroyed it, would it turn into a ghost? Ooh! Can we try it? Pretty please?

Poke

Teehee! I feel like I have moths in my tummy when you do that!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

I just can't stop thinking about how well we get along. In fact, I think if you were to put your arms around me, you'd see just how perfectly we fit together... Literally!
Yay! That feels really nice. Isn't it neat how some people can seem like they're... made for each other?

Sweetheart

You know... I just realized how much cats and ghosts have in common. They're both mostly nocturnal, they're low-key dangerous, and knock stuff over when they don't get enough attention. Hmm!

Flirt

Hey! Looking for someone to snuggle up with on the couch and watch movies with? Me too! Oh I love it when things work out! Let's watch Ghostnado! It's terrible, but also a cult classic.
Thanks to you, the haunted house is a hit! There's enough interest in our club and our research, we won't have to share a room with the Cryptozoology Club anymore! Which is good. They have some strange ideas.
Sorry, can you please repeat that? Sometimes I think all the white noise I listen to messes with my hearing, and I don't want to miss a thing you say!
I've been coming up with more ghost puns so I have cute things to say when people come to the haunted house. How does this sound? *ahem* What do ghosts like to do at parties? Shake their BOO-tays!
Those distant cries you sometimes hear on a cold breeze are indeed ghosts. It's just that they're getting *caught* in that breeze, and blown around like confetti. It is NOT as fun as it sounds.
Why are apparitions so bad at keeping secrets? Because you can see right through them! HAHAHA! Oh wow, that made me ugly-laugh! It's a keeper. Kind of like you!
We don't get a lot of supernatural episodes at S.T.F. University, unless you count those strange brothers...

Gift

This is so very kind! I wish I could keep it forever! Which makes me wonder... If we destroyed it, would it turn into a ghost? Ooh! Can we try it? Pretty please?

Poke

Teehee! I feel like I have moths in my tummy when you do that!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

You listen, you don't make fun of my interest in the occult, and you're an absolutely delightful person! This is all to say... I wanna be your "Boo"! What do you think?
Heehee! Yay! I like that you appreciate my silly jokes. Oh! That's another thing I can add to my list of reasons why I treasure you!

Girlfriend

If you think about it, saying you got "ghosted" should mean the opposite of what it does. The point of ghosts is that they DON'T go away. Unfinished business and all that.

Flirt

I've been coming up with more ghost puns so I have cute things to say when people come to the haunted house. How does this sound? *ahem* What do ghosts like to do at parties? Shake their BOO-tays!
Those distant cries you sometimes hear on a cold breeze are indeed ghosts. It's just that they're getting *caught* in that breeze, and blown around like confetti. It is NOT as fun as it sounds.
Why are apparitions so bad at keeping secrets? Because you can see right through them! HAHAHA! Oh wow, that made me ugly-laugh! It's a keeper. Kind of like you!
We don't get a lot of supernatural episodes at S.T.F. University, unless you count those strange brothers...

Gift

Eeeee! I love it! You're the best.

Poke

Teehee! I feel like I have moths in my tummy when you do that!

Upgrade to Lover

Will you stay awhile? Everything's just better with you! We have lots of new applications for Occult Club, I'm having a great time hosting the haunted house, and... I have something to tell you.
I L O V E Y OOoooOoOooooo U!

Lover

You're here! Hold my hand please, and let's go skipping down the hall! It makes me feel giddy and in love! Yay!

Seduce

Do you want to come on a "ghost hunt" with me? We'll go to a secluded place... after dark... and just see what happens?
What's a lady ghost's most attractive feature? Her BOO-bies! Hahaha! Oh come on, it's funny!
I'm trying to figure out a sweet and romantic way to say if I died, I'd haunt you forever. But they all come off mega threatening. Let me know if you have any ideas.
Oh look! Someone threw rose petals all over the floor and lit all these candles! Wait - is this an exorcism? Did you set this up just for me? Aw!
My darling... I want to whisper sweetly in your ear. I want to caress your beautiful face. Even if I were to die tomorrow, I would love you forever.
The way ghosts and spirits are stereotyped... is kind of bad. OOH! I know! Let's stage a Pepper's ghost effect! All we'll need is some mirrors. We're both as pale as apparitions so it's sure to be convincing!
I just want you to know that you make me feel so special. I would have never thought I could find love in a kitschy haunted house of all places. But... it's kind of poetic!
Stories of eternal love are just so beautiful. I look forward to writing our own one day! Do you want to be the spectral figure in white, crying in the window? Or can I do it?
Oh darling... Every time I think I couldn't be more in love with you, you do something that leaves me breathless...
Eeee! I love you so much! You make me so happy, and you're so kissable I'm gonna die!
I'm not sure how you do it, but everytime I look at you, I feel like I fall even deeper in love with you...
I REALLY hope you don't get tired of affection. I just... I just don't think I can flip that switch off, you know?
We have a better love story than Romeo and Juliet! Primarily because we're not forbidden from seeing each other, causing our dramatic and unfortunate deaths.

Gift

Eeeee! I love it! You're the best.

Poke

Mmm. That feels nice. Your touch really brings me to life. Teehee...

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] I hope I didn't scare you. I just can't resist telling a spooky story on a moonlit night! Though... now that I think about it, not many ghost stories take place during the day, hey?
[Movie Theater] I love that movie. *sigh* I wish a ghost would come out of MY television!
[Sightseeing] I love this time of year. Dry leaves, foggy moonlit nights, the veil between our world and the spirit world growing ever thinner... What do you like best about back to school season?
[Beach] If a hermit crab's house is haunted... does that mean they have a ghost in their shell?

Miss Desirée

Adversary

I appreciate the thought, but I'd save your compliments for someone who actually wants to be here. If you must compliment me specifically, I'm always happy to hear how beautiful and brilliant I am.

Sorry

At least I'm not stuck manning the Physics Department booth. Last year they had me "personally demonstrate the laws of gravity"... by sitting for a dunk tank!
All day it's been "Professor, people keep taking more than one sample!" and "Professor, everybody's skipping over my booth!" What I wouldn't give for someone to say, "Professor, why don't you give your tired feet a rest and borrow my massage chair?"
Do you think anyone would notice if I snuck away to read a few chapters of my latest steamy time travel romance? Just tell people I volunteered to be the "victim" in the Criminology Department's murder mystery!
And here I thought a lecture hall full of undergrads all asking questions already answered in the course syllabus was the worst part of back to school season...

Gift

This is going right where I put all my "World's Best Teacher" mugs... In a box labeled "Thrift Store Donations".

Poke

Excuse me! No horseplay in campus common areas!

Upgrade to Nuisance

I know they need a member of faculty to oversee the festival, but why me? I have research to conduct, exams to grade, grant proposals to... propose?
Where's the English Department? Are those layabouts from the Business School back from their "liquid lunch" yet? What about that army of grad students we have running around? They'd probably do a day's work for half a ham sandwich.

Nuisance

Yes? What is it? Do you have a question? Perhaps you're looking for directions to one of the student booths, run by someone who actually wants to be here?

Sorry

And here I thought a lecture hall full of undergrads all asking questions already answered in the course syllabus was the worst part of back to school season...
Clubs sure have come a long way since I was a co-ed. Back then it was Chess Club or swim team. Now there's an Occult Club? I wonder if they'd like to hear my theory that "ghosts" are simply the fourth dimension folding over itself like a reel of film...
I refuse to give the dean the satisfaction of seeing me enjoy myself today. I had to eat that delicious cob of buttered corn in secret, locked up alone in a supply closet!
So I've been a little bit uptight today. It's the event. Ask any of my students, and they'll tell you I'm a young, fun professor! I can move class outside with the best of them!
Some days there simply just isn't enough coffee in the teacher's lounge...

Gift

This is going right where I put all my "World's Best Teacher" mugs... In a box labeled "Thrift Store Donations".

Poke

You're getting awfully bold, aren't you? I didn't say I didn't like it!

Upgrade to Frenemy

It's not that I don't have school spirit, I just happen to know how tight school budgets are. I dare say the only thing tighter is... my blouse!
But seriously. I can't help but think an event like this isn't the most prudent use of my salaried hours when I could be recalibrating the lasers in my lab... By which I mean painting my nails.

Frenemy

I just don't know why they'd want the head of the Science Department to run an Open House and Cultural Festival. In the science department we're more concerned with bacterial cultures...

Sorry

Clubs sure have come a long way since I was a co-ed. Back then it was Chess Club or swim team. Now there's an Occult Club? I wonder if they'd like to hear my theory that "ghosts" are simply the fourth dimension folding over itself like a reel of film...
I refuse to give the dean the satisfaction of seeing me enjoy myself today. I had to eat that delicious cob of buttered corn in secret, locked up alone in a supply closet!
So I've been a little bit uptight today. It's the event. Ask any of my students, and they'll tell you I'm a young, fun professor! I can move class outside with the best of them!
Some days there simply just isn't enough coffee in the teacher's lounge...
I was so excited to get tenure, but days like this make me think I should have taken early retirement instead...
You're very sweet, but college applications only take a student's grades and extracurriculars under consideration, not their disposition! Otherwise no PhD candidates would make it in!
According to the principles of time dilation, if only I were moving at the correct speed, I could make this tedious day go by faster. Of course, such a thing is well beyond our current technology. Also, I might get motion sickness. Or whiplash.
That's QUARKS, not quacks! I teach physics, not while away my days by an idyllic little pond at the park. Although that sounds nice, now that I think of it...
So have you seen any... good... clubs? Today? Oh, I don't know, I'm trying to engage in the spirit of the festival. It's not working, is it? I'm only comfortable when I'm talking about string theory.

Gift

Hmm. I appreciate the thought, but I was rather hoping for something more... giant novelty check-sized?

Poke

You're getting awfully bold, aren't you? I didn't say I didn't like it!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

I've been watching you. You're not enrolled here, are you? Not an alumni... Not anxious looking enough to be a prospective student... At the risk of sounding hostile, why are you here?
A "magic portal"? Well, wormholes are possible according to theoretical physics, but it seems more likely you just said that in an attempt to play coy. But why? Unless... Are you here to scope out the school before you make a donation?!

Acquaintance

It's traditional to offer teachers an apple, but today I'd rather those cupcakes they have at the Pastry Arts booth. Unless... Do you think we have a Sommelier Studies department giving out samples somewhere too?

Talk

According to the principles of time dilation, if only I were moving at the correct speed, I could make this tedious day go by faster. Of course, such a thing is well beyond our current technology. Also, I might get motion sickness. Or whiplash.
That's QUARKS, not quacks! I teach physics, not while away my days by an idyllic little pond at the park. Although that sounds nice, now that I think of it...
So have you seen any... good... clubs? Today? Oh, I don't know, I'm trying to engage in the spirit of the festival. It's not working, is it? I'm only comfortable when I'm talking about string theory.
The stress of this day is going to give me grays! And then next will be frown lines, but at least I earned those by staring with my brow furrowed at complex mathematical equations. On me they'll have to start referring to them as 'genius lines'!
Students are always asking me how they can improve their grade. You're the first to ask how to improve my day!

Gift

Hmm. I appreciate the thought, but I was rather hoping for something more... giant novelty check-sized?

Poke

You're getting awfully bold, aren't you? I didn't say I didn't like it!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

So I was right. You ARE the generous type. The student body is positively buzzing with news of your lavish gifts! Although I'm not sure any one person - student or faculty - needs five backpacks or a hundred staplers.
If I may make a suggestion? Donations to S.T.F. University's Science Department are not only tax deductible, they'd be greatly appreciated. By me. Personally. Wink, wink.

Friendzoned

Of course you can carry my books! I should warn you, though: the average physics text has a noticeable force of gravitational attraction with the Earth... That is to say, they're heavy AF!

Talk

Would you say we've built a sufficient rapport by now? Because I'd love to let my guard down a little and just... geek out. More than I have been already, I mean.
A train is traveling a hundred kilometers an hour. But riding that train is a common housefly, who is currently buzzing his way from the caboose to the engine at the eight kilometer per hour speed typical of his species. How fast is he really flying?
Would you believe it? One time someone tried to pick me up by saying they were a scientist too. When I asked what discipline, they told me Mixology! So I got them to make me a drink before I turned them down. Not a bad martini, actually.
Don't get me wrong, compliments on my brilliance are always welcome, but there are times that compliments on my brilliant bod are even better. This is one of those times, by the way.
The latest issue of my subscription to Communications in Mathematical Physics should be in my office inbox soon! I wonder who's on the cover this week? Oooh, I can hardly wait to find out!
There are days I want to debate the limitations of time travel within the framework of Einstein's theory of special relativity, and then there are days I want to watch a sexy tv show about going back in time and falling in love with a shirtless warrior. Sometimes they are the same day.
You don't think Marie Curie is prettier than me, do you?

Gift

Oh! This is is lovely, but it's too much, really! I couldn't possibly accept. Well, if you insist...

Poke

You're getting awfully bold, aren't you? I didn't say I didn't like it!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

Flip that tassel on your proverbial cap, because you've graduated to the friend zone!
That means you're invited to the festival afterparty at the campus pub, but not the more... Intimate social occasions I host in my private residence. Yet. But I could be convinced to change my mind...

Awkward Besties

Just the person I wanted to see! I was hoping to bend your ear about those donations to our campus development fund! Starting with the Science Department, of course...

Flirt

Would you believe it? One time someone tried to pick me up by saying they were a scientist too. When I asked what discipline, they told me Mixology! So I got them to make me a drink before I turned them down. Not a bad martini, actually.
Don't get me wrong, compliments on my brilliance are always welcome, but there are times that compliments on my brilliant bod are even better. This is one of those times, by the way.
The latest issue of my subscription to Communications in Mathematical Physics should be in my office inbox soon! I wonder who's on the cover this week? Oooh, I can hardly wait to find out!
There are days I want to debate the limitations of time travel within the framework of Einstein's theory of special relativity, and then there are days I want to watch a sexy tv show about going back in time and falling in love with a shirtless warrior. Sometimes they are the same day.
You don't think Marie Curie is prettier than me, do you?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on string theory versus loop quantum gravity. What do you say we talk about it over dinner... in the Science Wing? I could give you a private tour, show you where your money would be going!
People are always asking me whether I'm a white wine or red wine kind of woman. What a question! Can't there be a unifying theory of fermented grape drinking?
If there is such a thing as an infinite multiverse, then it stands to reason that in at least one alternate reality, you decide to fully fund new equipment for my lab. Maybe it's this one!

Gift

Oh! This is is lovely, but it's too much, really! I couldn't possibly accept. Well, if you insist...

Poke

You're getting awfully bold, aren't you? I didn't say I didn't like it!

Upgrade to Crush

You know, after a long, socially demanding day like this I like to go home and curl up with a good glass of wine and a thousand page book of cutting edge theoretical physics...
But now, instead of looking forward to being alone, I think I'd actually rather share that little retreat with someone else. Could it be... You?

Crush

Oh dear! Why is it that every time I see you I wind up so tongue tied I worry I won't recover in time to teach my next class!

Flirt

It's not fair. I usually picture my lecture hall naked in order to calm my nerves, but now all I can think about is you! That won't calm me down at all!
You make me think there might be more to life than what can be quantifiably observed in reproducible laboratory conditions.
Come back to the lab with me later. I want to show you my big... electron microscope.
The Pastry Arts booth only had one cupcake left, and I decided as the supervising member of faculty, it ought to be mine. But I could be convinced to share it... with you.
An intelligent woman is one who knows her own mind. Knows what she wants. And what I want... Is you.

Gift

Squee! This is so cute! Ahem. I mean... My regards for this thoughtful token of your affection.

Poke

Heehee! Careful now! Too much squirming and I might pop a button!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

Did you accidentally magnetize yourself in the lab?
Because I'm suddenly finding myself rather attracted to you!

Sweetheart

You... Me... A picnic lunch behind the bleachers... What do you say? Later in the semester when things have settled down in my schedule, perhaps?

Flirt

Come back to the lab with me later. I want to show you my big... electron microscope.
The Pastry Arts booth only had one cupcake left, and I decided as the supervising member of faculty, it ought to be mine. But I could be convinced to share it... with you.
An intelligent woman is one who knows her own mind. Knows what she wants. And what I want... Is you.
Feel free to compliment me whenever you feel like it. The old guard establishment may be loathe to admit it, but flattery will get you everywhere in academia. And with me, specifically.
Don't be fooled by the all-work-and-no-play professor act! Have you ever been to an after hours faculty event? Frat parties only wish they could get that wild! But don't take my word for it - come along as my plus one sometime!
Running this festival has me wanting to play hooky like never before. Do wayward students still pull the fire alarm unnecessarily? Would you like to?
Would you still love me if I was a tardigrade?

Gift

Squee! This is so cute! Ahem. I mean... My regards for this thoughtful token of your affection.

Poke

Heehee! Careful now! Too much squirming and I might pop a button!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

I may be the supervising professor for this event, but looking at you makes me feel like a giddy school girl again!
My cheeks flush, my heart beats in my ears, I feel the sensation colloquially referred to as "butterflies" in my stomach... I'd sign up for one of these clubs, but I think you have to actually BE a student, not just feel like one!

Girlfriend

My mind's been working overtime today. No, not untangling string theory. Coming up with excuses to keep seeing you! Do you, um, come here often?

Flirt

Feel free to compliment me whenever you feel like it. The old guard establishment may be loathe to admit it, but flattery will get you everywhere in academia. And with me, specifically.
Don't be fooled by the all-work-and-no-play professor act! Have you ever been to an after hours faculty event? Frat parties only wish they could get that wild! But don't take my word for it - come along as my plus one sometime!
Running this festival has me wanting to play hooky like never before. Do wayward students still pull the fire alarm unnecessarily? Would you like to?
Would you still love me if I was a tardigrade?

Gift

You're getting a gold star for this gift! No, really! Now where did I put that sticker book...

Poke

Heehee! Careful now! Too much squirming and I might pop a button!

Upgrade to Lover

You really saved the day. Not by being a big money donor, but just by being... you.
So I suppose you could say, you saved MY day. Thank you, sincerely.

Lover

Look what you've done! You've actually made me thankful I got stuck supervising the festival. I ought to keep you late to "clap my erasers"...

Seduce

I wouldn't mind if you fell into my 'gravity well', if you know what I mean...
In physics, there are certain fundamental constants that define our universe: the speed of light in a vacuum, Newton's gravitational constant, the mass of particles...But I'd propose one more: the rate of growth in my affection for you! We could call it the Marshmallow Constant!
You know how professors strive to make tenure? Well I want that, but in love. With you.
Want to start our own school club? With just the two of us? I could book us a meeting space on campus. I'm sure we could find something to do with our time...
I'm glad I get to share my slice of spacetime with you.
Let's go on a romantic European vacation! How do you feel about CERN in Switzerland? If we meet a cute research assistant, we could call it an academic exchange! And have a lot more fun.
Some women in my position would prefer to be noticed and appreciated for their brains rather than their beauty. To which I say, why not both?
Let's stay in and play with lasers.
I bought us a couple bottles of wine. I thought perhaps we could go wild and debate the Black Hole Firewall Paradox until we either form a working theory or the situation devolves into angry makeup... makeouts.
Movies get it all wrong. We academics don't need to let our hair down or take off our glasses to be sexy. In point of fact, I'd argue it's quite the opposite, don't you agree?
I can't completely discount the possibility that this is all some manner of simulation. But would it matter if it was? It feels real to us.
I suppose I do understand why they recruited me for this event. I'm such an A-Type personality. I love to stay on top of things. Speaking of which, I'd love to stay on top of you.
You know what they say about physicists. We're experts in Kinetic Energy.

Gift

You're getting a gold star for this gift! No, really! Now where did I put that sticker book...

Poke

My, my. Someone must want me to keep them after class...

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] It's a good thing I always carry my pointer, because I just couldn't resist that perfect opportunity to tell you about the moon's gravitational interaction with the earth! But of course, you're right, the moonlight was very pretty, too!
[Movie Theater] That film contained an insulting amount of flawed science... And yet every time the plot got particularly improbable your hand would brush against mine in the popcorn bucket, shorting out my higher brain function and causing me to forget why I was annoyed. Whether or not you were doing that on purpose... I liked it a lot!
[Sightseeing] Just because I was cold on our tour doesn't mean my scarf was useless! It served as a perfect real life demonstration of Bernoulli's Principle!
[Beach] Sunbathing by the campus athletics pool is okay, but the beach is so much better! And having you there by my side? Well, that was the best!

Karyn

Adversary

Hey! Did you enjoy our cheer routine? We've been performing it every hour, on the hour - all day long! And yes, I AM totally exhausted!

Sorry

The Open House and Cultural Festival is my favorite event at STFU. It's just like Spirit Week, except FUNNER!
Are you an athlete? We have a club for, like, every sport ever invented here. And yes, cheerleading is its own sport! Seriously, watch how many back handsprings I can do!
Come check out our cheerleading booth! Every visitor gets a kiss... from our mascot, Percy the Panda! Heehee!
Wanna join in? I can teach you a simple cheer real quick. Okay, repeat after me! We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit, how 'bout you? Goooooo PANDAS!

Gift

Oh! Thanks! Are you... promoting something too?

Poke

Did you want to ask me something? You'd better hurry - we're about to start up another STFU-themed chant!

Upgrade to Nuisance

Am I making an okay first impression? A lot of people see a blonde cheer captain and immediately think "alpha byotch", but I promise I'm not!
This is just the way my face looks. And the way my voice sounds. I know, I know, I seriously lost the genetic lottery... But I'm working on it!

Nuisance

Just because my lip gloss is frosty doesn’t mean I am!

Sorry

Wanna join in? I can teach you a simple cheer real quick. Okay, repeat after me! We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit, how 'bout you? Goooooo PANDAS!
It's been SO nice meeting you, by the way. I’m Karyn! With a “Y”. Yeah, I have those kinds of parents…
So... what's it like being an outsider at this event? Is it the most fun you've ever had? I love this school more than anything, so please say you like it or I might literally die.
Have you checked out many of the other activities? There's a haunted house, a mock crime scene, a collaborative art thing... You'd almost think no one does anything academic at this school!
I'm actually having the best day ever. Eee! Can I give you a tour of campus? I know where all the best reading spots are!

Gift

Oh! Thanks! Are you... promoting something too?

Poke

Uh, no. Those aren't spirit fingers. THESE are spirit fingers! Heeheehee! I got you!

Upgrade to Frenemy

How about a snack? We could go check out the Pastry Arts booth. I heard they have reeeally good cupcakes there!
Fair warning, I'm gonna wanna eat, like, five of them, and it's gonna be your responsibility to stop me. I do NOT want to be upchucking red velvet during our next cheer routine.

Frenemy

Eat, sleep, cheer, repeat! But also, make time for studying. And volunteering. And don't forget to have a social life! It's hectic being a student, but you can do it. Yes you can! If you can't do it, no one can!

Sorry

It's been SO nice meeting you, by the way. I’m Karyn! With a “Y”. Yeah, I have those kinds of parents…
So... what's it like being an outsider at this event? Is it the most fun you've ever had? I love this school more than anything, so please say you like it or I might literally die.
Have you checked out many of the other activities? There's a haunted house, a mock crime scene, a collaborative art thing... You'd almost think no one does anything academic at this school!
I'm actually having the best day ever. Eee! Can I give you a tour of campus? I know where all the best reading spots are!
Everyone I've talked to today says they're definitely going to apply to attend STFU. And they ALL wanna get into the same program as me! I'm sooo proud of our school for drawing in so many prospective students.
Careful! If you stand too close to me while I’m practicing my stunts, you might accidentally get kicked!
Boy, I really hope we don't have a pop quiz on Monday. I've been so focused on the festival I've barely spent any time studying!
Hey, do you know any cute gymnasts or sporty chicks who might want to join the cheer squad? We're always looking for fresh meat! Err… faces! (Huh, maybe this is why people assume I'm catty...)
In high school, I was voted most likely to be at the top of a pyramid scheme. I’m still not sure whether to be flattered or offended. Maybe a little of both?

Gift

I got you something too! It's a school mascot sticker! Actually we're giving these out for free to everyone who stops by our cheerleading booth.

Poke

Uh, no. Those aren't spirit fingers. THESE are spirit fingers! Heeheehee! I got you!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

You're awesome. You should totally enroll at STFU. I can tell you who all the best profs are, help you navigate Greek life, give you study tips...
I'm one of the Resident Assistants, so don't worry about it! It's literally my job!

Acquaintance

Hey, have you seen a big foam finger laying around anywhere? I was gonna use it to point people in the right direction. AKA towards a brighter future through education. Teehee!

Talk

Boy, I really hope we don't have a pop quiz on Monday. I've been so focused on the festival I've barely spent any time studying!
Hey, do you know any cute gymnasts or sporty chicks who might want to join the cheer squad? We're always looking for fresh meat! Err… faces! (Huh, maybe this is why people assume I'm catty...)
In high school, I was voted most likely to be at the top of a pyramid scheme. I’m still not sure whether to be flattered or offended. Maybe a little of both?
Can I just say I really love your energy? In fact, I’m gonna nominate you for a school spirit award! And just so you know, you can't actually win unless you're enrolled here. Heehee!
I don't know if blondes have more fun, but STFU students definitely do! You can apply online or fill out the appropriate paperwork in the guidance counselor's office.

Gift

I got you something too! It's a school mascot sticker! Actually we're giving these out for free to everyone who stops by our cheerleading booth.

Poke

Uh, no. Those aren't spirit fingers. THESE are spirit fingers! Heeheehee! I got you!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

If you need advice about career development… don’t come to me. I still can’t figure out if I want to be a scientist, a social worker, or a stunt double!
Picking a major is, like, harder than picking an outfit! Maybe Miss Desirée can help?

Friendzoned

Heehee… Whoops! Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to poke you! I just thought it might be cute to start a tickle fight.

Talk

You honestly meet so many interesting people in college. Like, yesterday, this one girl invited me to a séance! I was the only person who showed up, so she and I just ended up playing cribbage instead.
Did you hear? Apparently there's going to be a campus-wide game of "The Floor is Lava" later! Whoever came up with that is a genius. Let's do some warmups! We gotta be ready!
You’re, like, actually too cool for school. I wouldn't blame you for not enrolling... but I still hope you will!
There's a costume party this weekend! Do you wanna go with me? And yes, it IS a costume party. I totally promise!
People take me more seriously when I put on a pair of glasses. So why don’t they take me extra seriously when I put on multiple pairs of glasses? Think about it!
I like spending time with you. It’s kinda making me wish I hadn't volunteered to help with event cleanup later. Unless... Hey, do you wanna come with? It'll be like a cute, productive date! We'll both get into Miss Desirée's good books!
Feeling overwhelmed by all the fun stuff going on? Let’s dance it out! I have my cheer mix all queued up and ready to go. First up: marching band melodies!

Gift

Eee! I love it! This is almost as amazing as having a 4.0 GPA!

Poke

Uh, no. Those aren't spirit fingers. THESE are spirit fingers! Heeheehee! I got you!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

You’re so mysterious and cool. I bet you have a gazillion friends, from all walks of life. Athletes, artists, computer nerds, goths...
Well, I just feel lucky that I get to count myself among them.

Awkward Besties

What’s the sitch, bestie? Tell me everything!

Flirt

You’re, like, actually too cool for school. I wouldn't blame you for not enrolling... but I still hope you will!
There's a costume party this weekend! Do you wanna go with me? And yes, it IS a costume party. I totally promise!
People take me more seriously when I put on a pair of glasses. So why don’t they take me extra seriously when I put on multiple pairs of glasses? Think about it!
I like spending time with you. It’s kinda making me wish I hadn't volunteered to help with event cleanup later. Unless... Hey, do you wanna come with? It'll be like a cute, productive date! We'll both get into Miss Desirée's good books!
Feeling overwhelmed by all the fun stuff going on? Let’s dance it out! I have my cheer mix all queued up and ready to go. First up: marching band melodies!
Apparently Miss Desirée has a super spicy rating on that one “Grade My Professor” website? I hope I can still be that hot when I’m her age, but more importantly, I hope I can be as SMART as she is!
We never had a lot of money growing up. My mom used to pinch pennies just so I could go to cheer camp every summer - and now here I am on a cheerleading scholarship! I couldn’t be more grateful.
You're such an impressive person. Dean's List material for sure! You're already on the Karyn List, which is a thing I invented just now specifically because I like you so much. The point is - you're going places!

Gift

Eee! I love it! This is almost as amazing as having a 4.0 GPA!

Poke

Uh, no. Those aren't spirit fingers. THESE are spirit fingers! Heeheehee! I got you!

Upgrade to Crush

I’m conducting a study about nonverbal communication for extra credit. Here's the question: based on my body language, can you tell that I have a crush on you?
Great! I was worried I'd have to verbally communicate that info, but it sounds like the message is coming through loud and clear. Yay!

Crush

Why are you so obsessed with me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m REALLY happy you are. But like, why?

Flirt

They say the friends you make in college are the people who stay with you for life. I really hope so, because I've already met SO many incredible people here. And yes, that includes you!
Every time I see you, I get super excited. Like, more excited than the time I got voted student body president. Without even running!
This event has been exhausting. I don't think I've ever cheered so hard in my LIFE. I'm definitely gonna be sore tomorrow! Unless a certain someone wants to give me a little massage...? Teehee!
How would you feel about getting tangled up in some bed sheets with me? For the toga party, duh!
There’s an open mic night at the campus bar this weekend - you should TOTALLY sign up! You could sing, tell jokes, recite poetry… whatever. You’re so good at everything! I'll just stand off to the side and cheer you on.

Gift

People are always giving me free stuff, so I mean it when I say this is the BEST GIFT EVER! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Poke

Ahahaha! Eee! You found my second-most ticklish spot!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

Can I ask you something? There are SO many awesome activities going on... Why are you spending so much time here at the cheer booth?
Oh thank gawd! I for sure thought you were going to tell me you had a crush on one of the other cheerleaders or something. I mean, if you did, I'd be super happy to set you up! But I'm glad it's not that.

Sweetheart

Ready? Okay! I’m gonna kiss you now!

Flirt

This event has been exhausting. I don't think I've ever cheered so hard in my LIFE. I'm definitely gonna be sore tomorrow! Unless a certain someone wants to give me a little massage...? Teehee!
How would you feel about getting tangled up in some bed sheets with me? For the toga party, duh!
There’s an open mic night at the campus bar this weekend - you should TOTALLY sign up! You could sing, tell jokes, recite poetry… whatever. You’re so good at everything! I'll just stand off to the side and cheer you on.
Your smile could literally light up a stadium. Well, not literally literally. But, like, for real. You know?
Most people look at me and see a dumb blonde, a diva, or a mean girl. Lately, I only have one word for people like that: whatEVER!
Let's make up a new chant for STFU! It's the only way I can keep hanging out with you guilt-free when I should be repping the cheer squad at the Open House.
Do… do you like me? Sorry if the answer is obvious. I can be a bit clueless sometimes.

Gift

People are always giving me free stuff, so I mean it when I say this is the BEST GIFT EVER! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Poke

Ahahaha! Eee! You found my second-most ticklish spot!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

I'd do anything for you. I might even... drop out of school for you.
OH MY GAWD I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT. I know you'd NEVER ask me to do such a thing. You're too amazing and perfect and supportive for that!

Girlfriend

My heart is beating so fast. You're like a one-person pep rally! Which is crazy, 'cuz all you're doing is standing there, looking at me.

Flirt

Your smile could literally light up a stadium. Well, not literally literally. But, like, for real. You know?
Most people look at me and see a dumb blonde, a diva, or a mean girl. Lately, I only have one word for people like that: whatEVER!
Let's make up a new chant for STFU! It's the only way I can keep hanging out with you guilt-free when I should be repping the cheer squad at the Open House.
Do… do you like me? Sorry if the answer is obvious. I can be a bit clueless sometimes.

Gift

Teehee! It’s like you’re trying to butter me up or something! You know I’m already way into you, right?

Poke

Ahahaha! Eee! You found my second-most ticklish spot!

Upgrade to Lover

People have always told me I’m the girl who could have anyone she wants, but I don’t know if it’s true. Will you help me… test it? If I say I want you, will you want me too?
Okay. Here goes. I… want you. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone. And in return, I'll be yours. Forever.

Lover

I love you. Do you want me to shout it through a megaphone? 'Cuz I totally will. I LOVE YOU!

Seduce

Life is better than ever. And here I thought I peaked in high school! I mean, I put on that prom queen tiara and I was like, “It’s all downhill from here!” I had no idea you were in my future.
I love the way you and I just... clicked. I've never had that with anyone before. Thank you for always seeing the real me.
A healthy relationship requires teamwork. Luckily, I’m all about team spirit! Go team go!
Wanna go out for a coffee date? Oooorr you could… Give me a “T”! Like... Tea? Sorry, that was a poor attempt at flirting. Heehee... love you!
Being with you is exhilarating. Like wandering through the Occult Club's haunted house, or catching someone hacking in the computer lab. But at the same time, it feels way safer. Like nothing bad could ever happen to me as long as I’m with you.
Wanna come see my dorm room? I know you're probably super tired after the Open House, sooo... you're welcome to spend the night.
Once the event is over, we should spend a day doing everything BUT school-stuff. No studying, no homework, no cheer practice. Just you and me, out on the town. Or in the park. Or at the mall. Anywhere but campus.
I love being on the field and cheering for the team, but just once I'd love to be a regular spectator instead. Sit next to you in the bleachers, eat a couple of hog dogs, and not be the center of anyone’s attention but yours.
Huh? Oh, sorry… I think I just got lost in your eyes for a sec. I was totally daydreaming.
I'm used to being lifted up by my squad, but no one's ever lifted me up the way you do. I may be their cheer captain, but you’re the cheer captain of my heart.
You are such a good kisser...
Oh, sweetie! I just remembered, they’re doing fireworks down by the lake tonight! Can we go? I seriously love fireworks. They’re like giant pom poms in the sky!
Sometimes I can't believe I'm with you. I still think you’re way out of my league!

Gift

Teehee! It’s like you’re trying to butter me up or something! You know I’m already way into you, right?

Poke

Ahhh! Hahahaha! No no no no! Don’t make me laugh! My abs are already sooo sore!

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] You looked so radiant under the Friday night lights… Or whatever day of the week it is…
[Movie Theater] The student union hosts movie nights on campus ALL the time. If you decide to attend STFU, we could go on dates like this every week!
[Sightseeing] Wow... I can't believe I just went on a date with someone SO far out of my league. You're the coolest! Thanks for showing me an incredible time.
[Beach] Eee! I'm not usually one for skipping school, but I would totally skip my statistics class for a gorgeous day at the beach like this. As long as you promise to come with!

Kyoko

Adversary

Before you ask, no, I'm not recruiting for the New Wave Cybergoth Dark Rave Club, either. Or the Hot Chip Girls Club. Or the "Whatever Other Little Clique You Think I'm Part Of"... Club.

Sorry

I saw you talking to Lake. Don't get me wrong... she is legit talented. I just know that if I sold out MY unique gifts to do some bland corporate event like this, I'd be... artbroken.
No offense, but you need to find your OWN thing. Despite what everyone here is saying, you don't "get a life" by joining some hokey li'l college club.
I don't wear platform boots to look taller... I wear them to STOMP harder. As if I care about how other people see me... I only care if I can take them in a fight!
Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have cupcake crumbs on my face or something? What? Just because I'm not taking part in the festival doesn't mean I'm gonna turn down the free food!

Gift

Why do you keep giving me things? I don't get it. You're not trying to butter me up, are you?

Poke

Yeah, uh, I don't know what team-building scavenger hunt put you up to this, but I'm a hands-off girlie. Unless you're looking to CATCH these hands...

Upgrade to Nuisance

Um, yeah. Sorry to upend any of your quaint little assumptions, but I am 100% not a part of any of this. I'm just here to observe the normies in their natural habitat.
And speaking of which, just because you're short doesn't mean you're not still blocking my view. So could you, like, step aside? Thanks!

Nuisance

What's up, short stuff? Do you need me to stamp your punchcard to validate that you interacted with a member of the student body outside of your usual social circle? Is there a prize?

Sorry

Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have cupcake crumbs on my face or something? What? Just because I'm not taking part in the festival doesn't mean I'm gonna turn down the free food!
The Karate Club tried to recruit me because they heard I love to start fights, but they got me all wrong. I don't love to start fights, I love to finish them! And you'd NEVER catch me wearing some stuffy, freshly-ironed uniform!
Campus police keep trying to nab me for "loitering" but um... I GO to this school? It's my right as a student to hang out at this stupid, pointless festival!
People keep asking if I own a pair of "Cookie Mobster pyjama pants"? Um, no? Isn't it obvious I'm the kinda girl who sleeps naked? Oh! Uh, don't think too hard about that one, short stuff - you'll give yourself a nose bleed.
I'm not like other girls... I'm worse.

Gift

Why do you keep giving me things? I don't get it. You're not trying to butter me up, are you?

Poke

Let me guess, you joined the Law Enforcement Club, and that's why you're trying to "COP" a feel... Well, you're lucky I'm warming up to you!

Upgrade to Frenemy

Why are you still here? Are you that obsessed with solving the mystery of why someone as cool and interesting as I am isn't a member of a bunch of clubs already?
I just don't need validation from some school-sanctioned student club to rubber stamp who I am as a person, okay? It's not like I'm afraid that if I tried to sign up they'd turn me down, or something...

Frenemy

You again? Don't you know I'm bad news? Because I'm pretty sure they have it written somewhere in that "Guide to Student Life" pamphlet they're handing out! And if they don't, they SHOULD.

Sorry

The Karate Club tried to recruit me because they heard I love to start fights, but they got me all wrong. I don't love to start fights, I love to finish them! And you'd NEVER catch me wearing some stuffy, freshly-ironed uniform!
Campus police keep trying to nab me for "loitering" but um... I GO to this school? It's my right as a student to hang out at this stupid, pointless festival!
People keep asking if I own a pair of "Cookie Mobster pyjama pants"? Um, no? Isn't it obvious I'm the kinda girl who sleeps naked? Oh! Uh, don't think too hard about that one, short stuff - you'll give yourself a nose bleed.
I'm not like other girls... I'm worse.
Pfft... Miss Desirée thinks I'm stacking chairs to help her out... Little does she know I'm just seeing how high I can get them before they fall down!
Ugh, I'm so annoyed. I cut class today, but now my professor is probably just gonna assume I was here volunteering and write it up as an excused absence! Talk about damaging my reputation!
I gotta stick around and keep an eye on things. Make sure the freshies don't get too worked up. One minute they're lining up for free fidget spinners, the next they're using them as ninja-stars in an all-out brawl! I'm not missing that!
Just because I don't participate in goofy extracurricular activities with the rest of these dweebs doesn't mean I'm not getting better marks than every last one of them in our actual classes, so jot that down...
So what do you do for fun? Needlepoint? Walk rescue dogs? Illicit underground bare-knuckle boxing? That last one's a long shot, but I never judge a book by its innocent, harmless cover.

Gift

What's this, more free swag? What booth put you up to handing THAT out? ...Hold on! I didn't say to take it back!

Poke

Let me guess, you joined the Law Enforcement Club, and that's why you're trying to "COP" a feel... Well, you're lucky I'm warming up to you!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

I'm Kyoko, by the way. You probably already know that from people talking about me behind my back, but I figured I may as well introduce myself...
Oh, right. What was I thinking? You'd never let people talk about someone behind their back when you're around, would you? Goody two-shoes...

Acquaintance

Why are you hanging around all the time? Is somebody, like, bothering you or something? Because if you need me to handle it, I will. I might even enjoy it.

Talk

I gotta stick around and keep an eye on things. Make sure the freshies don't get too worked up. One minute they're lining up for free fidget spinners, the next they're using them as ninja-stars in an all-out brawl! I'm not missing that!
Just because I don't participate in goofy extracurricular activities with the rest of these dweebs doesn't mean I'm not getting better marks than every last one of them in our actual classes, so jot that down...
So what do you do for fun? Needlepoint? Walk rescue dogs? Illicit underground bare-knuckle boxing? That last one's a long shot, but I never judge a book by its innocent, harmless cover.
Preppies and their Karen mommies are always talking ish about how I'm going to wind up in jail... Well, where's the club for that, then? Do you get a free ankle bracelet when you join their mailing list?
Community care is actually one of the most radical, anti-establishment things you can do. That's why I'm collecting canned food donations. So what if the food drive is TECHNICALLY being put on by the festival?

Gift

What's this, more free swag? What booth put you up to handing THAT out? ...Hold on! I didn't say to take it back!

Poke

Let me guess, you joined the Law Enforcement Club, and that's why you're trying to "COP" a feel... Well, you're lucky I'm warming up to you!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

You better watch yourself. Hang out with me long enough, and you're liable to get that squeaky clean reputation of yours smudged.
Sure, you think you're cool with it NOW, but let's see how you feel the first time you try to sit down at lunch and every empty seat is mysteriously "taken"...

Friendzoned

If you're gonna follow me around anyway, how about you make yourself useful and help me do trash pickup? And before you ask, no, that doesn't mean I'm volunteering for the festival. I just hate how my peers are such PIGS and can't find a trash can!

Talk

You want some body spray? I got like six bottles in this bag somehow. People look at me and think I must smell like a mosh pit, then BAM, vanilla cupcake. Always keep 'em off guard, that's what I say.
You know? You're kinda cute. In a "fuzzy wuzzy little follower of the sheeple herd" kind of way.
People who don't think someone as tough as me can also be a cinnamon roll are missing a crucial fact: cinnamon is a SPICE, and that's what your girl be bringing! Metaphorically, anyway. I ain't signing up for no bake sales!
Nobody believes me when I tell them I'm graduating from this place next year. Probably has something to do with the fact that I haven't declared a major. No "academic advisor" is gonna tell ME what classes to take!
Have you stopped by the Anarchist Club's booth yet? I listened to their pitch, but the rules for signing up are longer than my student loan's terms and conditions!
I feel like I'm always mouthing off about my opinions, but I never ask yours! So tell me: what're your thoughts on Keynesian economics? Do you prefer death metal, doom metal, or groove metal? Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Before you get on my case about "not getting the full college experience" because I "don't participate in extracurriculars"... Who's to say I haven't been secretary of the student fight club this whole time? It's not like I could talk about it!

Gift

My efforts to get you to stop trying to schmooze me aren't working, are they? I'd tell you off, but I'm starting to think that'll only make you suck up to me even more. Also, I kinda like the free stuff.

Poke

Let me guess, you joined the Law Enforcement Club, and that's why you're trying to "COP" a feel... Well, you're lucky I'm warming up to you!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

Do not breathe a word of this to anyone but... I'm a little surprised that someone as popular as you are wants to hang out with me. I said surprised, not flattered, so don't get a big head.
At first I thought you were hanging around so much 'cuz you felt guilty that I wasn't "fitting in", but now I'm starting to think it's because you... like me? Although maybe that's just MY ego talking.

Awkward Besties

I dunno what you heard, but I only volunteered to man the Athletic's Club's lame-o booth so Sawyer could take a stretch break. Have you SEEN how hot she is? Of course I'd do pretty much anything for her! It's not that deep.

Flirt

People who don't think someone as tough as me can also be a cinnamon roll are missing a crucial fact: cinnamon is a SPICE, and that's what your girl be bringing! Metaphorically, anyway. I ain't signing up for no bake sales!
Nobody believes me when I tell them I'm graduating from this place next year. Probably has something to do with the fact that I haven't declared a major. No "academic advisor" is gonna tell ME what classes to take!
Have you stopped by the Anarchist Club's booth yet? I listened to their pitch, but the rules for signing up are longer than my student loan's terms and conditions!
I feel like I'm always mouthing off about my opinions, but I never ask yours! So tell me: what're your thoughts on Keynesian economics? Do you prefer death metal, doom metal, or groove metal? Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Before you get on my case about "not getting the full college experience" because I "don't participate in extracurriculars"... Who's to say I haven't been secretary of the student fight club this whole time? It's not like I could talk about it!
These pamphlets I'm carrying? Oh, uh, I'm just holding them for a friend...
Peeps think they're cute, asking me "Hey Kyoko, what are you rebelling against?" Like, I dunno, what d'ya got?
Macbeth as a movie. Macbeth as a manga comic. Macbeth as a podcast. Tell the English Department to call me when they remake Macbeth as a photocopy of a photocopy of an underground zine... What? They have that at their booth? Pfft, yeah right!

Gift

My efforts to get you to stop trying to schmooze me aren't working, are they? I'd tell you off, but I'm starting to think that'll only make you suck up to me even more. Also, I kinda like the free stuff.

Poke

Let me guess, you joined the Law Enforcement Club, and that's why you're trying to "COP" a feel... Well, you're lucky I'm warming up to you!

Upgrade to Crush

No one other than you has ever cared enough to be curious, but I actually have a lot of hobbies... WITHOUT joining any clubs for them! Crazy, right?
On weekends I like to go to punk shows, support my friends' slam poetry open mic nights, then, if I'm not too tired, I like to fit in a little light protesting. I'm also learning macramé.

Crush

Hey you! Have lunch with me - my treat! And by "my treat", I mean I brought us each an empty container and circled all the booths handing out free food on this festival map!

Flirt

Okay fine, you caught me. I've been running around refilling water bottles for all the festival volunteers. But what was I supposed to do, sit on the sidelines while someone else handed out SINGLE USE BOTTLES? Not on my watch!
Fair warning: if you wanna take me on a date, you're driving. I don't have a license. I tell people it's because I don't want THE MAN to have my photo, but the truth is during my test I hit the curb and started crying...
Phew! Is it hot today or what? Do you think all the outdoor booths have enough shade? And more importantly, do Sawyer and the rest of the booth babes have enough sunscreen? ...Not that I care. Ahem.
Since I've been hanging around with you more and more, people are starting to think I've gone soft! Do you think if I got a neck tattoo that would help?
I stopped by the French Language Department table. They were NOT impressed by my recitation of that dank "omelette du fromage" meme. Philistines!

Gift

At first I was rolling my eyes at you for being so over the top giving me all this stuff, but then I realized... you're like a cat leaving "presents" on my doorstep! And now I think it's kinda cute...

Poke

Hehehehehee! ...If you tell anyone you heard me giggle like that, I'm stuffing you in your locker. And if you don't have a locker? Trust me - I'll find one...

Upgrade to Sweetheart

You know, you're pretty chill to be around.. for a try-hard.
I guess you can hang. Just don't make it weird and try to sign me up for anything, okay? Be cool. Now don't be making those eyes at me! I said be cool!

Sweetheart

There you are! Not gonna lie, I was starting to worry you'd had your fill of school spirit and left campus for good. Which is totally understandable, obviously, but only if you take me with you!

Flirt

Phew! Is it hot today or what? Do you think all the outdoor booths have enough shade? And more importantly, do Sawyer and the rest of the booth babes have enough sunscreen? ...Not that I care. Ahem.
Since I've been hanging around with you more and more, people are starting to think I've gone soft! Do you think if I got a neck tattoo that would help?
I stopped by the French Language Department table. They were NOT impressed by my recitation of that dank "omelette du fromage" meme. Philistines!
Share my hot chips with me? I was a total airhead at the store and accidentally bought the extra large party bag instead of the snack-size one... Heh... heh...
Okay, I admit it. The mock crime scene the Criminology Department set up is pretty cool. I don't think they appreciated me sharing sobering stats on the frequency of mishandled evidence, though...
You can hold my hand, if you want. I don't bite... unless you're into that. Or I'm forced to fight with my hands and feet tied. Or a bitch bites me first. Okay... so there are several scenarios in which all bets are off.
Can I tell you a secret? I... briefly considered joining a sorority in my freshman year. I just thought it'd be fun to test how tough I really am by speedrunning their little hazing rituals. Turns out they're mostly community service.

Gift

At first I was rolling my eyes at you for being so over the top giving me all this stuff, but then I realized... you're like a cat leaving "presents" on my doorstep! And now I think it's kinda cute...

Poke

Hehehehehee! ...If you tell anyone you heard me giggle like that, I'm stuffing you in your locker. And if you don't have a locker? Trust me - I'll find one...

Upgrade to Girlfriend

I know I'm, like, too much of a baddie for "labels" - you know, like "President of the Punk Music Appreciation Club" or "Poli-Sci Major" - but I still wanna hear you call me your girlfriend. So go on, say it. Say I'm your girlfriend!
Yeah, I like the sound of that. And I guess as your girlfriend I'll throw you a bone and sign up for SOMETHING... As long as it doesn't ruin my image or involve too much of a time commitment. Take it or leave it.

Girlfriend

Aww, c'mere cutie! That head of yours is just BEGGING for a noogie... or a gentle kiss. Not sure which yet. Maybe both.

Flirt

Share my hot chips with me? I was a total airhead at the store and accidentally bought the extra large party bag instead of the snack-size one... Heh... heh...
Okay, I admit it. The mock crime scene the Criminology Department set up is pretty cool. I don't think they appreciated me sharing sobering stats on the frequency of mishandled evidence, though...
You can hold my hand, if you want. I don't bite... unless you're into that. Or I'm forced to fight with my hands and feet tied. Or a bitch bites me first. Okay... so there are several scenarios in which all bets are off.
Can I tell you a secret? I... briefly considered joining a sorority in my freshman year. I just thought it'd be fun to test how tough I really am by speedrunning their little hazing rituals. Turns out they're mostly community service.

Gift

Ugh, what have you done to me?! I'm starting to... *shudder* LIKE being spoiled? Anyway, unrelated but here's an itemized list of my top twenty-five favorite body sprays.

Poke

Hehehehehee! ...If you tell anyone you heard me giggle like that, I'm stuffing you in your locker. And if you don't have a locker? Trust me - I'll find one...

Upgrade to Lover

I really did used to think I was "too cool for school"... or maybe, secretly, that school was too cool for me. But your dorky ass converted me good, huh? Now look at me, participating n' shizz!
I'm not sure whether I should be mad at you for that, or grateful. Just kidding! Of course I'm grateful. Thanks for showing me such a good time and helping me feel included. I might even love ya for it.

Lover

Haaaaay! Come have a seat! Sorry my bag's on the only free chair, but she ain't about to touch that filthy-ass floor! Guess you'll just have to sit on my lap...

Seduce

I'm so conflicted... I want to declare my love for you, but I don't want people thinking I'm in a declaring mood and assuming I'm any closer to declaring a major!
Look, I'm not that good at expressing my feelings, but it's not like I don't NOT like you, you know? Phew, I'm glad I got that off my chest!
Turns out I'm a lover AND a fighter! Who knew! Oh yeah, the Precognition Club who did that free tarot reading for me.
Can you rub my feet? It feels like we've been on our feet all day and these combat boots have left me with some pretty tender tootsies.
If I'm a punk and I'm dating you, does that make me your grrrlfriend? ...Don't let the Improv Comedy Club know I told a joke like that.
Before you came along, I never let anyone close to me. Now what? I actually make friends? Join a group activity? Ugh, this festival worked on me after all!
If I ever get arrested at a protest, I just want you to know I'll have YOUR number written on my arm for my one phone call... Now THAT is true love.
You. Me. The bike racks behind the Poli-Sci building. Four o'clock. No, we're not gonna fight... You're gonna carry my textbooks to the bus stop so we can ride home together!
You and me need to hit up the afterparty for this shindig. As soon as we get there, I'm starting a mosh pit. I wanna get up close, personal, and SWEATY with you for real!
I really want that scar-through-the-eyebrow look, but if I shaved it myself, that would make me a total poser, wouldn't it? *sigh* I'm just gonna have to hope someone eventually breaks a bottle over my head...
Quit lookin’ at me! Okay, I should say quit JUST looking at me. Get your hands on, c’mon! What do I gotta do, sign you up for the Massage Therapy Certificate program?
Yeah, I'm down bad for you, alright. I was just doodling ideas for matching tattoos we could get at the Body Mod Club's booth. I'm torn between a 1930s cartoon-style cockroach and a big-booba anime girl vomiting love letters.
When you think about it, we actually make sense together. You're sweet, I'm spicy... You ever had a mango with chili powder? Yeah, we're like that! Ohhh, now I'm hungry. Let's go see if Sawyer has any more corn on the cob...

Gift

Ugh, what have you done to me?! I'm starting to... *shudder* LIKE being spoiled? Anyway, unrelated but here's an itemized list of my top twenty-five favorite body sprays.

Poke

Get over here, I'm about to give some of that "school spirit" right back to you...

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] Thanks for the walk. Sorry I made us avoid everyone we walked by. After spending all that time around the entire student body, I'm just all peopled out... Except for you.
[Movie Theater] What was your favorite part? Mine was when we snuck into the theater without making the Film Club's "recommended donation"... Wanna go see what the Anime Club is screening, next?
[Sightseeing] You seriously telling me you never kick a pile of leaves just to FEEL something? Well, you should try it sometime! Maybe on our next date?
[Beach] It felt so nice getting some sun on my buns - and guns! Please don't tell anyone though... The last thing I need is for the beach volleyball team to start hounding me to try out!

Ling Ling

First Meeting

You're wandering around the festival when you see an ultra cool girl kicking boards in half, and other sick martial arts moves of that nature.
Transfixed by her beauty and her ferocity, you grab several handfuls of her carefully arranged pamphlets advertising the Kung Fu Club.
Ling Ling: "You there! What do you think you're doing?! How are people supposed to learn about our club if you don't leave any pamphlets for anyone else?"
Oh no! Maybe she doesn't realize you were planning on handing them out to all the other S.T.F. cuties you've met so far...

Adversary

What is this, some kind of sabotage? Who put you up to it, the Karate Club? The Capoeira Club? The Breakdance Fighting Club? Tell me it wasn't the Breakfast Club!

Sorry

Don't think you can trick me. I can tell you're a fellow martial artist just by looking at you! Arm muscles like yours can be seen from space!
The Karate Club's resentment toward the Kung Fu Club is well documented! I think they're just jealous that we can eat in our uniforms without worrying about stains.
You could have at least waited until I finished my demonstration before you started helping yourself to the reading materials. You have no respect for the order of things... I bet you wipe-off before you wax-on, too!
I know I come across a little paranoid, but when you do kung fu, your whole life is plagued by non-stop enemies! I even had to fight off a roving gang of thugs on my way here today! It's a real issue.

Gift

Why are you giving me this? Do you want me to kick it in half or something? I'm doing that demonstration in about an hour, so you'll have to wait.

Poke

Watch yourself, sneaking up on me! You want me to knock you out on reflex?

Upgrade to Nuisance

I'm supposed to believe you have that many people you're planning on handing out those pamphlets to? Are you super charming and sociable or something?
Must be nice to have time for friends... I only have time for kung fu. But fine, I guess you can stick around. I better not see you passing notes to anyone in a judo uniform, though!

Nuisance

I am Ling Ling Zheng! Disciple of Wing Chun kung fu, and assistant backup treasurer of the S.T.F. University Kung Fu Club! Who the kick are you?

Sorry

I know I come across a little paranoid, but when you do kung fu, your whole life is plagued by non-stop enemies! I even had to fight off a roving gang of thugs on my way here today! It's a real issue.
So if you really are just a guest at this festival, and not carrying out martial arts club-related espionage, then you can probably tell me what other booths you've visited today... Like, did any of them have snacks? Tasty ones?
Never underestimate a martial artist based on their age. Not the white-haired, hundred-year-old master, and not me: nineteen and... also... white-haired...
Pfft, I don't care that the Gaming Club and the Hacky Sack Club have crowds of people around their booths while mine doesn't. Why would I? Just because when they were out partying, I studied the blade. And the staff, and the fist...
If you're not a member of a rival martial arts club, I guess that explains why I've never seen you at any underground fighting tournaments... Not that a law-abiding honor student like me would ever go to one of those!

Gift

Why are you giving me this? Do you want me to kick it in half or something? I'm doing that demonstration in about an hour, so you'll have to wait.

Poke

Hey! Stop! No fair! Wing Chun doesn't teach one how to counter merciless tickling!

Upgrade to Frenemy

So you're really gonna stick with this story that you're just a helpful bystander, not an operative in a secret martial arts club turf war?
What's next, you tell me the martial arts turf war was all in my head this whole time? The Judo Club ISN'T plotting against me? They're just over there minding their business, comparing belt colors or whatever it is they do?

Frenemy

I haven't seen you around campus before, but I've been busy training. You know, "training"? That thing you insist you're not doing with a rival martial arts club?

Sorry

So if you really are just a guest at this festival, and not carrying out martial arts club-related espionage, then you can probably tell me what other booths you've visited today... Like, did any of them have snacks? Tasty ones?
Never underestimate a martial artist based on their age. Not the white-haired, hundred-year-old master, and not me: nineteen and... also... white-haired...
Pfft, I don't care that the Gaming Club and the Hacky Sack Club have crowds of people around their booths while mine doesn't. Why would I? Just because when they were out partying, I studied the blade. And the staff, and the fist...
If you're not a member of a rival martial arts club, I guess that explains why I've never seen you at any underground fighting tournaments... Not that a law-abiding honor student like me would ever go to one of those!
Like everyone accepted into the Kung Fu Club, I work hard and I study hard. Who the heck says "work hard, play hard"? I think you made that up.
So if you don't do martial arts, how DO you fill your time? Or do you just not get up at five AM so there's less time for you to fill?
If you want to catch up to my lifetime of training, you're going to need to kung fu hustle!
People call me know-it-all like it's an insult! Well, however much I do know, I learned through years of dedicated training and study, so thank you for noticing!
How come in movies some underdog always comes out of nowhere to show up the martial artist who's been training their whole life? That may be uplifting to people watching from their couch, but it's a real bummer for all of us who work super hard...
I know they're not our school colors, but I wear black and yellow so I always remember to sting like a bee!! Or was it a hornet? No, no - a wasp! That's it, sting like a wasp! ...What's that about a butterfly, now?
I just hope everyone who visits my booth at least learns that kung fu isn't the same as boxing... And that I'll box the ear of anyone I hear mixing them up!

Gift

I really shouldn't have too much of an attachment to material things, you know. But maybe this one time. Well, this and my textbooks - what, they were expensive!

Poke

Hey! Stop! No fair! Wing Chun doesn't teach one how to counter merciless tickling!

Upgrade to Acquaintance

Now that I've gotten to know you, I've realized I was a little... hasty to judge. You totally do seem like you're just a nice person. Some would say... TOO nice.
Wait, no. Sorry, that was the old, paranoid Ling Ling talking. The new and improved Ling Ling is going to take your enthusiasm at face value! Here, hang up these posters!

Acquaintance

Still hanging around, huh? Did you hand out those pamphlets for the Kung Fu Club like you said you would? Be advised, honesty is as important in kung fu as kicking!

Talk

If you want to catch up to my lifetime of training, you're going to need to kung fu hustle!
People call me know-it-all like it's an insult! Well, however much I do know, I learned through years of dedicated training and study, so thank you for noticing!
How come in movies some underdog always comes out of nowhere to show up the martial artist who's been training their whole life? That may be uplifting to people watching from their couch, but it's a real bummer for all of us who work super hard...
I know they're not our school colors, but I wear black and yellow so I always remember to sting like a bee!! Or was it a hornet? No, no - a wasp! That's it, sting like a wasp! ...What's that about a butterfly, now?
I just hope everyone who visits my booth at least learns that kung fu isn't the same as boxing... And that I'll box the ear of anyone I hear mixing them up!

Gift

I really shouldn't have too much of an attachment to material things, you know. But maybe this one time. Well, this and my textbooks - what, they were expensive!

Poke

Hey! Stop! No fair! Wing Chun doesn't teach one how to counter merciless tickling!

Upgrade to Friendzoned

What's so wrong with having something to prove? If you ask me, anyone who ISN'T struggling with a crippling sense of inadequacy is either a liar, or too cowardly to push themselves!
So as you can see, between the two of us, I'm actually the level-headed, well-adjusted one! Take that!

Friendzoned

How's your day been? Mine was the usual... Get up at the crack of dawn, several hours of kung fu training, class, study hall, win an underground fighting tournament, show up for my shift here at the booth...

Talk

Ugh, I appreciate people coming by the booth and asking me questions about my kung fu journey, but it'd be easier for me to list the bones I HAVEN'T broken...
I don't bleach my hair! Do you really think I'd willingly give myself a hairdo that led to those jerks in the Taekwondo Club calling me "kung fu panda"?
People really think I don't have any other interests outside of kung fu? Wrong, wrong, dead wrong! I am also an avid follower of shaolin soccer.
Someone from the Anime Club booth just came and splashed me with water! They wanted to see if I'd "turn into something else"? Well, all they turned me into was an extra angry girl!
What's that song, "Everybody Wing Chun tonight"? Personally, I prefer to do my martial arts practice at dawn, my studies during the day, and reserve my evenings for rest! It's called balance, duh! Whaddya think the yin yang symbol's for?
When I talk to you, does my mouth match the words I'm saying? A-ha! I knew you were staring at my mouth when I talked to you! You're not thinking about kissing me, are you?
I'm going to prove you don't have to be an orphan raised by nuns to be a great a kung fu warrior! My legend started with a full ride scholarship to S.T.F. University!

Gift

You keep giving me things... You're not trying to ease your guilty conscience, are you?

Poke

Hey! Stop! No fair! Wing Chun doesn't teach one how to counter merciless tickling!

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

We're friends now, right? Will you brace this punching bag for me while I kick it really, really hard?
The bag SHOULD absorb most of the impact... Key word: should. But don't worry, I always have plenty of soothing Liger Balm to share with my friends!

Awkward Besties

Whoa! Where the kick did you come from?! I thought I was about to be ambushed by students from the Foot Clan Ninja Club! Now I don't know whether I'm relieved it's you, or disappointed I don't get to fight!

Flirt

People really think I don't have any other interests outside of kung fu? Wrong, wrong, dead wrong! I am also an avid follower of shaolin soccer.
Someone from the Anime Club booth just came and splashed me with water! They wanted to see if I'd "turn into something else"? Well, all they turned me into was an extra angry girl!
What's that song, "Everybody Wing Chun tonight"? Personally, I prefer to do my martial arts practice at dawn, my studies during the day, and reserve my evenings for rest! It's called balance, duh! Whaddya think the yin yang symbol's for?
When I talk to you, does my mouth match the words I'm saying? A-ha! I knew you were staring at my mouth when I talked to you! You're not thinking about kissing me, are you?
I'm going to prove you don't have to be an orphan raised by nuns to be a great a kung fu warrior! My legend started with a full ride scholarship to S.T.F. University!
Don't get a big head over it, but it's kind of interesting befriending someone like you, who doesn't know kung fu at all! Where I grew up, everybody was kung fu fighting... Even my old landlady in her hair curlers!
You find me intimidating, right? Please say you find me intimidating...
I guess after the festival I could take one more day off from training to spend time with you. We can do something fun and laid back, like volunteer to move all the books in the library so they can dust the shelves!

Gift

You keep giving me things... You're not trying to ease your guilty conscience, are you?

Poke

Hey! Stop! No fair! Wing Chun doesn't teach one how to counter merciless tickling!

Upgrade to Crush

You're the first person outside of Kung Fu Club I've ever gotten close to. You PROMISE you're not a saboteur? Because I'll be really bummed if this is all a scheme to make me let down my guard...
I'm sorry, I had to ask one last time. I... I'll try to take your word for it from here on out. After all, you did bring all the cutest girls on campus by to sign up with us for a free trial!

Crush

Oh hi! What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you! A-about sparring with you, I mean! Obviously... Pfft, as if you'd ever catch me daydreaming - I'm way too disciplined for that!

Flirt

I've been reading the most romantic manhua... It's about an immortal man turned into a crane who can only regain human form through true love's kiss! Not the world's most original plot, but it's the way you TELL it that matters!
Hey, you're pretty fun to be around! ...Which makes you a distraction. I must be cautious. Just because you aren't working on behalf of a rival martial arts club doesn't mean they won't take advantage of the situation!
I say I watch all the latest C-dramas so I can fit in with my classmates, but the truth is I'm so busy all I actually have time for is those 30 second recap videos on DikDok. Nobody's caught on yet!
I-I wasn't staring at you! I was analyzing you, trying to predict your next move!
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a bao? In a good way, obviously! I actually wanna dip you in red vinegar and eat you all up! Oh, um, was that weird to say?

Gift

Waaa! For me? Really?!

Poke

That's it, I'm giving you the five fingers of death... by tickling! You think that's impossible? Clearly you've never laughed so hard you can't breathe!

Upgrade to Sweetheart

I took a year off between high school and college to put in some time as a wanderer - can you even call yourself a martial artist if you don't? You know, going from town to town, solving all their problems with kung fu?
It was rewarding, but it made me realize… I think I really do want to settle down after I graduate. Oh, but um, not the getting married kind of settling down! I’m not propositioning you or anything! Ha… ha… ha…

Sweetheart

Want to go for dim sum together? But before you offer to pay the bill, just be warned: I'm carb-loading, so I'm going to be ordering a LOT of steamed pork buns...

Flirt

I say I watch all the latest C-dramas so I can fit in with my classmates, but the truth is I'm so busy all I actually have time for is those 30 second recap videos on DikDok. Nobody's caught on yet!
I-I wasn't staring at you! I was analyzing you, trying to predict your next move!
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a bao? In a good way, obviously! I actually wanna dip you in red vinegar and eat you all up! Oh, um, was that weird to say?
I stopped by the Criminology Department booth earlier to check out their mock crime scene. Sadly, it turns out Hong Kong cinema was wrong: in the real world, they almost never use kung fu to solve crime...
Before you or anyone else suggests I'm running away from my feelings... It's called "distance running as endurance training"... If you don't believe me, go ask the guys at the Runners Who Also Don't Text Back Club booth!
You're pretty limber for someone with no martial arts training. I guess you do a lot of cheerleading, which is probably a good way to increase flexibility, too... Not AS good, mind you. But good nonetheless.
Maybe we'd have more people stopping by our booth if I wasn't accusing everyone who does of being a spy for the other martial arts clubs... Nah, we probably just need to hand out free food!

Gift

Waaa! For me? Really?!

Poke

That's it, I'm giving you the five fingers of death... by tickling! You think that's impossible? Clearly you've never laughed so hard you can't breathe!

Upgrade to Girlfriend

Look, by now you've probably realized I have feelings for you. But I'm hoping you've also realized why I can't get any more serious about "us" than I am already... It's nothing personal, I swear!
I've got a lot going on, you've got a lot going on... It's a lot to juggle, and what happens if we add an "intense college romance" chainsaw to the mix? Nothing good, that's for sure!

Girlfriend

You know what's a great bonding activity? Being one another's study buddies! ...What, did you think it was going to be something kung fu related? Come on, I can't be ALL about kung fu - I have a GPA to maintain!

Flirt

I stopped by the Criminology Department booth earlier to check out their mock crime scene. Sadly, it turns out Hong Kong cinema was wrong: in the real world, they almost never use kung fu to solve crime...
Before you or anyone else suggests I'm running away from my feelings... It's called "distance running as endurance training"... If you don't believe me, go ask the guys at the Runners Who Also Don't Text Back Club booth!
You're pretty limber for someone with no martial arts training. I guess you do a lot of cheerleading, which is probably a good way to increase flexibility, too... Not AS good, mind you. But good nonetheless.
Maybe we'd have more people stopping by our booth if I wasn't accusing everyone who does of being a spy for the other martial arts clubs... Nah, we probably just need to hand out free food!

Gift

This is too nice! YOU'RE too nice! No, seriously - I'm not used to people being this nice to me, how should I react?

Poke

That's it, I'm giving you the five fingers of death... by tickling! You think that's impossible? Clearly you've never laughed so hard you can't breathe!

Upgrade to Lover

Ok, so, I meditated about it, listened to the whispers of the wind, and do you know what the universe told me? It told me that if I love you, then I should be with you!
Kung fu isn't everything, and if anyone has a problem with that, then they'll just have to take it up with the universe. So there!

Lover

You're a sight for sore eyes... and sore shoulders, and sore knuckles, and a sore back... Say, how about you and I visit the Massage Therapy Club's booth?

Seduce

Well, you may never be able to beat me in a fight, but you did still sweep me off my feet...
I didn't think it was possible, but you make me want to take up a new extracurricular activity: making out!
Don't mind me, I'm just admiring your physique... Maybe you can show me some more of what that body of yours can do... Let's hit the sparring ring after the festival!
I think I want you to meet my father. And my kung fu teacher. Is it weird that I'm more nervous about the second one?
The yin yang tells us the duality of light and darkness lives in all things. That's what I always believed. But in you, all I can see is goodness! I can't believe I didn't trust you from the start... You wouldn't even lie to a fly!
You've got my heart in some kind of powerful wristlock! But know what? I kind of like it. Okay, fine... I really, really like it.
Don't think that just because I've fallen in love with you, that I've lost my competitive edge! I am absolutely going to be that girlfriend who says "No, I love YOU more!"
Let's take a couples trip to a day spa and get pedicures and a hot stone massage! ...What? I'm not all kung fu all the time! Even the toughest warriors like to be pampered periodically!
I've been really working on my grip strength. Not for martial arts reasons, silly... So I can give you the best massage of your life! Care to test my progress?
Turns out I'm a lover AND a fighter. You'll never be bored a day in your life! And if you are, we can always try out a new club here at school, hehe!
Are we in a wuxia movie? Because you make me feel like I'm walking on air... Wait, you DO know wuxia, right? Because if not, I am taking you to the Film Studies Club booth right this instant!
The president of the Kung Fu Club says to be truly great at kung fu, I must cultivate inner peace. Which basically means I'm under orders to cuddle with you!
When it comes to kung fu, I believe in the power of hard work and determination, not mystical chosen ones... But when it comes to romance? You're MY "chosen one" for sure!

Gift

This is too nice! YOU'RE too nice! No, seriously - I'm not used to people being this nice to me, how should I react?

Poke

You want to check out my muscles? Let me feel yours too - it's only fair!

Dates

[Moonlight Stroll] I was kind of hoping we'd get jumped by muggers so I could show off my kung fu training for real, but I guess going for a pleasant walk with just the two of us is nice, too.
[Movie Theater] You know, I could do half those stunts without wires...
[Sightseeing] When you're too short to see above the crowds, it helps to bring your own high ground to get a better vantage point, hehe!
[Beach] You should have told me that watermelon was for eating and not for practice BEFORE I kicked it straight into the sand to show off my technique... How about a smoothie?

Gallery

Karyn Announcement
Kyoko Announcement
Ling Ling Announcement

Dates

Sawyer's Moonlight Stroll
Sawyer's Beach Date
Sawyer's Sightseeing Date
Sawyer's Movie Theater Date
Lake's Moonlight Stroll
Lake's Beach Date
Lake's Sightseeing Date
Lake's Movie Theater Date
Ruri's Moonlight Stroll
Ruri's Beach Date
Ruri's Sightseeing Date
Ruri's Movie Theater Date
Ayeka's Moonlight Stroll
Ayeka's Beach Date
Ayeka's Sightseeing Date
Ayeka's Movie Theater Date
Generica's Moonlight Stroll
Generica's Beach Date
Generica's Sightseeing Date
Generica's Movie Theater Date
Miss Desirée's Moonlight Stroll
Miss Desirée's Beach Date
Miss Desirée's Sightseeing Date
Miss Desirée's Movie Theater Date
Karyn's Moonlight Stroll

Karyn's Moonlight Stroll
Karyn's Beach Date

Karyn's Beach Date
Karyn's Sightseeing Date

Karyn's Sightseeing Date
Karyn's Movie Theater Date

Karyn's Movie Theater Date
Kyoko's Moonlight Stroll
Kyoko's Beach Date
Kyoko's Sightseeing Date
Kyoko's Movie Theater Date
Ling Ling's Moonlight Stroll
Ling Ling's Beach Date
Ling Ling's Sightseeing Date
Ling Ling's Movie Theater Date

Change Log

V0.441 (Mar 2026): the dialogue line for Kyoko's event was changed - formerly "(The portal closes around you, and... What's that out of the corner of your eye? Was that a girl jumping in after you...!?)".