Adversary
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...You came from "straight back that way"? Well, lead on, then! I'll follow. If you speak true, you have no reason to fear turning your back on me.
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Is it bad that parts of me hopes this is a deception? Because either I wind up pecking the truth out of you, or it'll be ME that's tortured... by the knowledge that I could have walked out of here pretty much whenever.
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Don't even think of trying to lose me in this maze of stone. Over the centuries I have become familiar with every twist, turn, and dead end. Well, except for the one you used to get in, apparently...
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I'll need to retrace my steps when I come back to fetch my people. I know - I'll leave a trail of breadcrumbs! A kindly, harmless wanderer such as yourself surely has a supply of lembas on your person. No? Interesting...
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You say you had nothing to do with my transformation, yet you are unphased by it. Has it become so common a form of punishment aboveground? If so, I fear those who once ruled over my people with a golden fist have gone on to conquer the world...
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To my enhanced gryphon senses, you smell of... sunlight, cut grass, and fresh spring air. I'm not sure I like it. Be a dear and rub some slimy cave lichen on your wrists, won't you?
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*SCREECH!* Watch out I don't bite those soft, pretty hands clear off with this beak of mine...
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I know I've been living in a cave for a millenia, but that doesn't mean I'd be happy to receive this.
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So you aren't in league with the ones who imprisoned my people too deep in the earth for our beloved stars to reach? And you didn't have anything to do with this whole gryphon thing, either?
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Well, I guess that's good... for you. Because I am carrying a Mordor-sized grudge. It's one thing to transform a prince into a beast... It's total overkill to give him wings but then deny him even a view of the sky.
Acquaintance
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I'm still not sure what to make of you. At this point I trust you're not in league with my captors, but it's also increasingly clear that you didn't rescue me on purpose. So seriously, what's your deal?
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I may be a prince, but don't you dare call me "Your Highness". My people loathe those who hold themselves on high above all others! You may address me as "Your Lowness", if you must address me at all.
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Such a poisonous, prejudiced belief, that evil and darkness are one and the same. Does the shining sun not blind those who stare? Does a bright fire not burn all in its path? Does glittering gold not corrupt the hearts of men? Exactly.
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I just stretched my wings to their full span for the first time. I... may have moaned. In a most undignified fashion. And judging by the looks I got... people DEFINITELY overheard.
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So this is the Upper Realm as it stands today... But where are all the elves, orcs, and halflings? Did they all move to somewhere with a few more trees and a little less concrete? You humans do seem to LOVE your concrete...
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I appreciate your sparing me a room, but my gryphon side does miss its cave nest. I may have... torn all the stuffing out of the mattress. And shredded the curtains. And every scrap of parchment I could get my talons on, including all of your books. Oops.
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Ah, yes, a token of goodwill. I received many offerings such as this one when I occupied my throne; it all became rather banal. But it's been so long, I find it refreshing this time. Thank you.
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I'm sorry, I was so caught in my own... stuff... I entirely forgot to introduce myself! I am Prince Itharion Altair Seren T'ulkiyen, son of Ilrion, son of Sajm, exiled heir to the throne of the Under Elves.
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What do you mean, "What do they call me 'for short'?" When one is as long-lived as we elves, there is no need to ration our time in such a miserly fashion. ...Ah. Right. I suppose you can call me Prince Itharion.
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[With 'Friend' picture] The dappled forest sunlight caresses feather and fur alike as Itharion turns toward you. "This, I swear: no matter how much fun it is to be distracted by you, I shall resume my single-minded quest!" His eyes twinkle. "...Tomorrow!"
Frenemy
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Well, I've led my people to freedom, and since none of them bear my selfsame curse, they should be good to go. I suppose now my main priorities are to regain my true form, seek ultimate revenge, and... I dunno, brunch?
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How long has it been since you first showed me the way out of my prison? And yet here I am, no closer to hunting down my ancient enemy! My people may be free to enjoy the sky at last, but MY work is not done!
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Curse you, and your immaculate vibes! If not for you, maybe I would be a little less inclined to laze about enjoying your company instead of seeking justice! Well, no more!
Friendzone
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My enemies must have foreseen my return, because they've certainly hidden themselves well! Perhaps they've built castles in the sky beyond the clouds. In which case, they'll regret giving me wings... once I figure out how to fly!
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I was wondering where all the bees went, so I found one of the few left and asked. She said it's quite rude how humans hysterically fear them when they've been nothing but good neighbors, so they've all been avoiding you. Maybe work on that.
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I finally attempted flight. It didn't go so well. Also, I think a bunch of commoners took record of my efforts with those magic slates you all carry around. Anyway, what's a "DikDok"? 'Cuz apparently I'm "on" there.
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When I was imprisoned, I dreamed of being able to gaze upon the stars, but it's been a little... underwhelming. Light pollution is a scourge! Point me at this "Thomas Edison" knave and we will have WORDS.
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You think this form I'm cursed with is regal? Mystic, even? Ha! In my culture, gryphons are beasts of burden. Imagine, a man being turned into a common bull, or ram, or pegasus! Preposterous!
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Tell me more about this local folk hero who is, like me, a gryphon. Peter the Gryphon, they call him. I hear tales of him can make you laugh AND cry.
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I'm glad to be out of that prison, but I'm afraid I won't truly be free until I have my body back. Sure, right now I'm strong as a lion and can fly like an eagle, but I also molt like a bird and cough up hairballs, so...
- [Same as Adversary, Acquaintance, & Frenemy]
- [Same as Acquaintance, & Frenemy]
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If I seem... overly intense, then know this: we Under Elves never forswore the surface. We built our kingdoms belowground, but we also built stairs to our beloved stars. It was the High Elves who commanded we cede the sun and the sky to them alone.
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As crown prince of the Under Realm, it was I who refused to surrender. My people trusted me to lead our rebellion to victory... and I brought them only ruin. And so I was cursed, my throne room turned into a prison for all those loyal to me.
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[With "Kiss" picture] Itharion's voice is heavy with grief. "For centuries I've been trapped; not just imprisoned underground, but shackled by my own shame... until you." Those last words seem lighter somehow, and must hold a magic of their own - because Itharion is mostly elf once more!
Awkward Besties
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"What's news, bestie?" Did I say that right? That is how your people greet their companions, yes? Anyway, has there been a sighting of my sworn enemies of late, or are we in for another "lazy day"?
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I've been adopting some of your local customs. I must inform you, I'm what they call a "horoscope girlie" now. Yes, yes, I realize I'm not a girl... Gawd, you're SUCH a Taurus for getting hung up on that.
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Dark Elves, Night Elves, Drow... all cousins of my people, but how could anyone confuse us? Honestly! MY eyebrows remain within the bounds of my face, just for starters...
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What do my elf eyes see? Blurry shadows haloed by blinding white light, mostly. I fear it may still take some time yet for my vision to adjust to being above ground during the day...
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How does one who has lived for so few years amass as much charm as you have? Is it sorcery? Ah... It's sorcery, isn't it. Potion, spell, or dark contract?
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I do still suffer from a touch of anxiety. Just the usual: about things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass...
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It's still hard to believe you aren't an agent of the enemy. Your aura is just so intoxicating and... distracting, you can hardly blame me for being unable to shake the feeling it must be some kind of trap.
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I must admit, I was worried I'd be lost without an all-powerful enemy to fight, but this "late stage capitalism" you've got going on seems like a worthy foe. Now the only question is HOW I ought to rebel: rob a bank, or smoke halfling herb and join a drum circle?
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In each young elf warrior's life, there comes a day when he must choose: bow, or blade? Of course, being ever the rebel, I went with razor sharp wit and disarming good looks. Oh, and magic. Can't forget the magic.
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Ahahahaha! What's this, an attempt to make me drop my guard? You'll have to do better than that! Ahaha! Hey! No fair! Ahahaha!
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I really must stress, you cannot buy my fealty... Buuuut feel free to keep these little trinkets coming.
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All those centuries spent plotting my revenge... Waiting for the day I'd finally face my enemies on the field of battle, as fearless as Le'eroy Jenkinsiel himself...
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But it seems that day shall never come. The empire of High Elves, gone without a trace; my people, freed without a fight. So... now what? Perhaps I should consult the stars. Or maybe you have some ideas?
Crush
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Music has really has evolved since the lute and lyre! Listen to this! *ahem* They're taking the habits to eyes en garde! The habits the habits the habits the habits to eyes en garde, to eyes en garde! Do you think the lyrics have a deeper meaning?
- [Same as Awkward Besties]
- [Same as Awkward Besties]
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You shower me in so much generosity, I'm not sure I'll ever dry off!
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In my quest to relearn how to live in times of peace, I could hardly ask for a better teacher than you've proven yourself to be. Even without enemies - or much conflict at all - you've never run out of things to keep you busy.
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All those hobbies and jobs and suitors of yours have me thinking... Before our imprisonment, my people were tellers of stories, singers of songs, students of the celestial order... and lovers. Perhaps I can be all of those things once more.
Sweetheart
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You're here at last! Er... Heh. Sorry if that came across a little clingy. I swear to you, I've been working on trusting you will always return to me faithfully as the stars follow the sunset, but it's haaaard!
- [Same as Awkward Besties & Crush]
- [Same as Awkward Besties & Crush]
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I realized I never thanked you. For freeing me, yes, but also for your companionship in all the days since. How lucky am I that it was you who found me moldering away, hopeless, in that cave.
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And to prove how grateful I am to you, I intend on enjoying this gift of freedom to the fullest. You should probably stick around, you know, to keep watch on me and make sure I don't start taking it for granted somewhere down the line.
Boyfriend
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Meh, I can totally "lock in" and worry about breaking this curse of mine later... After you and I get some quality time in. Don't you have a hundred unrelated thirty-second videos saved up to show me?
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Very well, you may braid my hair...
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If I ever cause you offense, you mustn't hesitate to hit me with your most withering "Excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, prince!" Who among us doesn't benefit from having someone to keep us grounded?
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It's just a shame that if we are truly in times of peace, I'll never get to show off my repertoire of brilliant guerilla maneuvers to you. But wait, is that something on your shirt? BOOP! Ha-ha! Got you!
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You did a lot of hand-holding with me as you helped me get acquainted with this strange new world of yours. Do you think now you could hold my hand... for real?
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Thanks to you, I have tasted freedom at last. I have also tasted the overpriced gourmet cookies on the secret menu at Crumby.
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Mrrow. Seems that even after my elvish shape has been restored, there's still a bit of jungle cat in me.
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One does not simply walk into... a store and buy a gift of this caliber.
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I've found many ways to fill my time, but without a kingdom to rule or an evil empire to fight, I was worried I may go for all eternity having nothing to which I could dedicate my heart.
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But witnessing your generosity, I see now there are so many worthy causes I can take up, too. And as for my heart...
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[With "Transformation" picture] Itharion smiles softly, an expression of serene acceptance. "Well, my heart shall beat out of love for you." His kiss holds nothing back as he gathers you close. "From here forward, you... are my guiding star." In an explosion of sparkles and feathers, he becomes an elf once more.
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[With "Lover" picture] "My Star, my love for you shall be as eternal as the universe, as faithful as the night follows the day." - Love, Itharion
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- Itharion smiles softly, an expression of serene acceptance. "Well, my heart shall beat out of love for you." His kiss holds nothing back as he presses you to him, and you feel his growing hardness as he opens his mouth to yours. "From here forward, you... are my guiding star." His curse is broken at last.
- Itharion lays you down with tender thoughtfulness, the movements of his body as poetic as his words have ever been. He makes love to you like you have all the time in the world. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but you're not about to rush anything that feels as good as this.
- With help from a little bit of magic, he climaxes with a distinctly UN-princelike "Fuck!" and a gasp and a laugh. "That was even better than I imagined. And since my imaginings were VERY detailed, it leaves me to wonder what other surprises you have in store, my Star..."
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Lover
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My darling Star, what sort of good trouble shall we get up to together?
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My Star... Long may your guiding light point me home.
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"Home" being your heart, of course, so, I don't think I much fear ever getting lost again.
Max Lover (Lover+)
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I had heard whispers of other elves here on the surface, so I sought them out... Only to find them toiling at some sad market's so-called "Santa Village". Also, I'm pretty sure their ears weren't even real...
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I tried to have a star named after you in honor of our love, but they wanted to charge me MONEY! In my day, to be a star-namer was a hallowed, holy role... not something done for coin! Also, I'm broke.
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Shall I sing you some of the old Elvish love songs? I must warn you: they SOUND quite melodic, but if you know the language, they're actually rather bawdy. In mortal terms... "It's giving WAP."
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Whenever I'm with you, it's almost like being back in my adventuring days, before I inherited my heavy crown. Back when I was carefree, untethered, eager to see the world... Oh! I know: let's share a bedroll under the stars!
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You are like my favorite constellation. When you are gone from my view, I am ever searching for you, and the thrill of finding you never fades. Now stand still so I can gaze upon you in wonder. Yes, just like that.
- (Naked) Hello there! I wasn't expecting you! ...Does it look like I was?
- (Naked) Finally! I'm freezing my royal jewels off waiting for you to come around. Come warm me up - using your hands, using your mouth, I'll let you decide.
- (Naked) Ah, my lover, my Star, you have returned to me. If you'll do me the pleasure of returning directly to my arms, my existence shall be complete.
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Before you, all I longed for was to look upon the stars. Now, the stars seem insignificant compared to the feeling I get when I look into your eyes.
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Now that we're together, my heart feels as full as the Hunter's Moon. I hope our season together never turns.
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Methinks if I'd had you to keep me company, I probably wouldn't have even minded the cave so much, to be honest. Wellllll... you, and a good wi-fi connection.
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I should have never despaired: they may have imprisoned me underground, but I carried the starlight in my veins. Thank you for reminding me.
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I think I'm ready to let the past go. New era, new me! Call me Itharion "Two-Point-Oh." Did I use that right? I'm pretty sure for mortals it's a title to honor spiritual renewal.
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I should have known the empire of High Elves would never last. They were always so high maintenance, they probably ran out of spring water from Mount Olympus and perished rather than drink from the tap!
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I've been dabbling in all the traditional elven arts, trying to find my new "niche": harp-playing, epic poetry, choral singing, fine metalwork... But I think I'm actually kind of a jock? Check out this pushup!
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I stopped by that local tavern you call a "coffee shop." Tell me: why do baristas insist on adding random apostrophes to my name? Is it because I'm an elf? I don't recall ordering a side of stereotyping with my beverage!
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Was our love written in the stars? I don't know. But it was certainly written in my heart.
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Now don't get me wrong... I appreciate you cooking for me, but I have to ask: what IS "taters", Precious?
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How is it I could have been alive for such a very, very long time... And yet never met someone quite like you?
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I heard you keep the company of a vampire. Now, don't get jealous, but my first crush was actually on a famous vampire elf! I'm only slightly ashamed to admit I had a tapestry of them on my ceiling above my bed...
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I learned a new word today! It's too childish and affectionate to have an Elvish equivalent, so I may need your help to understand. I believe it's pronounced: "snuggle"? Perhaps you could... demonstrate?
- (Naked) I'm feeling a little homesick for ages long gone. Can we... roleplay? You can be the weary ranger I happen upon in a tavern, whose mud-spattered travel cloak hides an alluring physique... As for me? I'll let YOU decide...
- (Naked) I know you had... concerns... about my name when I first introduced myself... But when you think about it, it suits me! It's a mouthful, and so am I!
- (Naked) Now you have my sword, and my bow, and my ass.
- (Naked) Have you heard of this new literary genre, "Romantasy"? Because I paged through a couple of the tomes they recommend on DikDok and I must say, it's given me LOTS of spicy ideas...
- (Naked) Want to do some weapons training? I have it on good authority that many find it erotic to learn how to use a bow or sword... So long as their tutor is an irresistible immortal with a dark, mysterious past.
- (Naked) I admit, I feel a little unmoored sometimes when I think about how much the world has changed in my absence. But then I catch you staring at me, practically drooling, and it reminds me not THAT much has changed.
- (Naked) Have you ever made love under the night sky? It's chilly, but exhilarating! Oh, but I should say some of my people believe the stars allow our ancestors to watch over us, so if you're not into exhibitionism, you may want to give it a pass.
- (Naked) Have you ever seen an elvish full moon? Would you like to? Pfft... Hehehehehe...
- (Naked) Why yes, I am undressing you with my eyes, but since I'm such a just and generous monarch, I saved you the effort. You're welcome!
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Bwahahaha! Unhand me! You are incorrigible!
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*SQUAWK* Ahem. I mean, er... I guess even without the beak, old habits die hard...
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Ahahaha! I'll get you back when you least expect it! Ahaha! You'll rue the day! Ahahahahaa!
- (Naked) Ohhh, mmm... My Star, you may be almost as insatiable as I am. Shall we have a contest and settle the matter?
- (Naked) Oh, yes... That's it... Right there, just like that... Aren't you as wise as any immortal...
- (Naked) I have never knelt to anyone, but you'll have me on my knees if you keep doing that...
- (Naked) I wouldn't say no to a shoulder massage, just for the record...
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A gift like that is - like yourself - without equal.
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What a coincidence, I got you something, too! It's a kiss! *mwah*
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You certainly know how to treat an elf like royalty! And what's more, I think you'd do it even if I weren't a prince!
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What am I to do with all these gifts? Look, if you really must shower me in your wealth, I wear a size "romantic river cruise across Europe."
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[Boxers] Not the traditional elvish undergarment, no, but this new technology does cradle one's unmentionables way better than anything we ever made do with.
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[Birthday Suit] See? I told you I'd have you seeing stars...
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[Spooky Outfit] I mush-ruminate on this choice of costume.
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[Butler Outfit] I may be a prince, but I assure you, I know how to serve... Looks, that is.
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[Kigurumi Outfit] I could have used something this warm and comfortable when I was trapped in that damp, chilly cave for all those centuries... Not that I'm suggesting we go back!
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[Masquerade Outfit] A little mystery is a magic all its own, don't you think?
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[Summer Outfit] Oh my Star, I'm sorry if you'd hoped I'd show more skin, but sunshine demands protection. Now, if you'd like to take me indoors and draw the curtains...
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[RPG Outfit] Look at me! I'm a rough and tumble adventurer in search of a party, and definitely not secretly a royal in disguise!
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[Kimono Outfit] I feel as though I am draped in the stars themselves. If I may say so myself... the fabric of the universe suits me!
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[Pirate Outfit] You know, I'm something of an outlaw, myself.
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I shall never count the passing days again, so long as I'm with you.
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To be prisoner to my love for you is the freest I shall ever feel.
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